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Reviews from
The Bard of Bel Air


Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Gang's All Here"

A homeless man sees more than people realize.

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
Sankey
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Good work matey. Going very well. So sorry I got so far behind and I do hope you will reciprocate and read the new Bliss chapter of my book. I now also have a new poem song called Contemplate it is up with carrots for review ok!
Couple of spags here.

her(e) whether she thinks she needs it or not.

"Lucy, I understand
you(r) concerns.


 Comment Written 15-May-2014



reply by the author on 16-May-2014
    Well, going backwards. Good eye, I'll fix those.
Comment by
ravenblack
 
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By the time Geraldo finds the empty vault- I like the Bard' s (well, your) pop culture references. Not everyone will remember/get them, but who cares? I was in college at the time. We actually had a Capone-themed party just to watch the stupid thing. And what does Geraldo get besides egg in the face? A few broken bottles.


 Comment Written 10-May-2014


Comment by
ProjectBluebook
 
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Looks well penned. I think you got good balance. You are moving at a good pace. I'm satisfied. I best be moving along, got some more chapter to catch up on. do loco


 Comment Written 10-May-2014


Comment by
Nosha17
 
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I am glad you concentrated more on the action, much more interesting. All the players in the counter attack are well drawn and extremely likeable. Your writing is excellent as always. Faye


 Comment Written 09-May-2014


Comment by
l.raven
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Hi Michael, well it seems we have to do something with Winston...the guy is trouble...and I am glad they know Harpster is a live...and Ruby called him Dad...now what to do...Next...Luff Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 08-May-2014


Comment by
Tatarka2
 
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I found the first five paragraphs problematic. You're telling us what you should be showing us, and the telling gets too schmaltzy, I think. On the other hand, I loved the poem and the Bard's speech. I swear you must know a schizophrenic. YES, please include more about the relationships as well as a little more about how this plot develops. I think you need to spend more time on that. It's a little confusing in this chapter.


 Comment Written 08-May-2014


Comment by
nordicgirl
 
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I love how you pause to keep everything tight. The relatioships are of great interest, but you don't want to slow things down at this point. You are good at implying things and saying alot with very few words. I think you should rely on that. It is understood that Harpster and the Dancer women have intence relationshpis going on as this unfolds. You have established that. Don't worry about it. We get it. NG


 Comment Written 08-May-2014


Comment by
nelliesellie
 
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I love ruby and Diamond will be good weapons against Winston. I think he already had his next kill in sight. We already know even his family is not safe The more people the better when fighting this man. Great work.


 Comment Written 08-May-2014


Comment by
nancy_e_davis
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I'm here to protect here{her} whether she
"Lucy, I understand you {your} concerns.
Watch that you don't go in too many directions and lose sight of the initial idea fo the story. Keep it as simple as you can. They wouldn't want to blacken the name Blackwell or sully the hero Blackwell now would they? Nancy


 Comment Written 08-May-2014


Comment by
CR Delport
 
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So father and daughter meet, and what a meeting it was. With the gang all together, they can start working on a plan to take on Winston. Another great chapter.


 Comment Written 08-May-2014


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