"I thought the concept and approach to this prompt was very creative. It skirted the lines of graphic language very well. I saw two minor spags:
"Eva flashed her blues at him...", wasn't clear to me until I read it again, perhaps I'd embelish that, though you mention the blue eyes a dozen times.
"his attention back to woman standing over him", add "the"
Storywise, I thought the whole girlfriend/let's give this a try conversation after the sex was a little too "Frankie and Anette" in comparison to the sinister aspect of the story. But, by and large the writing was good. Best of luck in the contest--Ted
Well this is a different kind of romance, kinky and frightening not meant for most humans anyway. This is fiction right and writers are given the freedom to write as they please and create stories to satisfy their flights of fancy and this one was your kind of release I guess.
Man O man I loved the story, One of my favorites is Vampires and Werewolf, and this story went the way I wanted it to. I know this will be a best it is awesome, and I see a great book from this. Well happy writing and loved the read.
Lots of sizzle to this steak and I am glad that you did not follow the traditional vampire route with a stake to the heart or the death of the dude who is drained, just not of scarlet from the neck. Vampire sex, trying to rekindle warmth, life from orgasm....do you have her phone number? Excellent write both sensual and original.
Whoa! That definitely takes the cake for one of the better vampire stories I've ever read. You didn't go into a fantastic, never-ending description of how vampires operate, which I'm thankful for. You took the myth and made it your own, while staying true to a lot of the existing lore out there.
Your descriptions were blissfully amazing in this piece. You truly transported us to that room and let us...er...slide into Emmit's POV perfectly.
Excellent work, my friend.
Comment Written 12-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
Thank you very much, T.J. I had been working on this for awhile. It was my 2nd choice for this contest.