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Reviews from
The Bard of Bel Air


Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Media Circus"

A homeless man sees more than people realize.

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
l.raven
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Hi Michael. still behind...but I'm coming...I love the wording you use...Lucy I'm home....Michael Jackson scenario...you so make me laugh at some of those...OMG the Chief was arrested ....and the circus goes on...I think I am catching up...still feel one behind...I am truly loving this...Next....Luff Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 15-May-2014



reply by the author on 16-May-2014
    Thank you, I'm going backwards to catch up somehow. mikey

reply by l.raven on 16-May-2014
    sooooooooooooooooooooooo welcome....luffffffffff
Comment by
Sankey
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Exceptional
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Another great chapter. Looking forward to see where this goes.
w(h)ere solidified

as he walked up (to) Tenaya.


Couple of spags


 Comment Written 15-May-2014



reply by the author on 16-May-2014
    Glad you liked this. A great deal of fun to write and not too far from what goes on here in L.A. Crazy town.
Comment by
seaglass
 
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This all was a happy result that readers want to follow when evil tried to prevail. I like you comparison of press to goldfish, only piranhas popped into my mind. lol . Now for the surprise of a father not dead.


 Comment Written 14-May-2014


Comment by
ravenblack
 
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Let me just say that I enjoyed this chapter, especially your comparison of the media's feeding frenzy to goldfish who will literally eat themselves belly-up. I was a little lost and think I may have been one of those who missed the previous chapter.


 Comment Written 14-May-2014


Comment by
Tatarka2
 
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This actually reads more like a script. The more I think about it, that's what I think it should be. This would be thrilling on TV. As words in print, I don't know that the whole scenario comes across as vividly. Same with the Yosemite one. Maybe you could try pitching these as scripts? It seems you must be somewhere near LA. I really think you're on to something with both of these stories, but the scope has to be imagined by the reader, and TV could do both so much more justice.


 Comment Written 13-May-2014


Comment by
nordicgirl
 
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Yes!!!!! You set this up perfectly and carefully. The press conference was totally believable and exciting. The ambush of Junior could not havr been written better. You portrayed the reporter as sharp and on the scent of a story, but not ruthless and intrusive. Perfect! NG


 Comment Written 13-May-2014


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Nosha17
 
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Yes, I had already read it with normal reviewing. I am sure you got my review. This was a polished chapter, you are very knowledgeable about these sorts of events, like media circuses, police arrests etc. It is progressing really well and an enjoyable read as always. Faye


 Comment Written 13-May-2014


Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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reminded *me* of feeding << YOU are not in this story. Have someone thinking this.

I almost feel sorry for Junior.

Very nice chapter... love how they arrested the chief while he was trying to arrest Tenaya. :)






 Comment Written 13-May-2014


Comment by
nelliesellie
 
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I love the news conference. The group also put pressure on people they knew were innocent or small players. The Chief of police is likely to fold. Being charged with murder, someone will evidently tell there is no body. Great work.


 Comment Written 13-May-2014


Comment by
nor84
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Plans to call a press conference where (were)
solidified

"Lance Goodsprechen, Channel 7 News(.) Are any of these parties in custody? >>>This sounded like Lance was saying who he was, followed by a question, so I suggest this punctuation.

"Sonny Denteen, MTV(.) Same thing here.

How will this affect the Elvis Costello tour that has just been signed(,) and what about the artists signed to Blackwell Publishing?" >>> Compound sentence.

"John Slayer, NBC Nightly News(.) Is this another Michael Jackson scenario(?)

"Yes(.) Thank you(,) detective. Katrina Wright, KCAL9(.)The Police Chief works out of the office right behind you

I'm suspended(,) so someone else will have that honor.>>>In this case, 'so' is a conjunction.

Sandoval was already on scene and interfering with my investigation. Dr. Khin had already >>>close repeat of already

There was the sound bite (sound byte, I think. Using this laptop is CLUMSY)

"Chief Sandoval, you are under arrest for conspiracy to commit murder(.)You have the right to remain silent..."

"Christina Gonzales Eyewitness News(.)You have not been implicated yet

That was unexpected by Lincoln and sent him reeling>>>Passive voice, Mikey. To make it active voice, get the subject up front, like this: Lincoln hadn't expected (whatever it is he hadn't expected) and it sent him reeling.

Mr. Blackwell(,) it's Christina Gonzales(.) She has questions for you."
With the camera and light directly on Junior, Christina Gonzales posed a question,>>>You need 'asked'. 'Posed a question isn't a speech tag.

takeover is one word.

Good dialogue, Mikey. I love that name, Goodsprechen.







 Comment Written 13-May-2014


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