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Reviews from
The Bard of Bel Air


Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Ruby's New Job"

A homeless man sees more than people realize.

  11 total reviews 
Comment by
l.raven
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  Rank:  172
 
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OK Michael, well Ruby is now safe...so all is so far well with her...a Winston is losing his mind on the drugs...sounds like a mad house...keep it coming....love it...Luff Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 23-May-2014


Comment by
ProjectBluebook
 
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There is no question where the scene is now. A good choice in color. It looks good and keeps numb nuts like me from getting confounded. I finally, got on station. A nice chapter to your novel. Do you wing it like me. I just write and see what happens. I do like the brown. I don't see too many exclamation points. That's a deadly sin for an editor. I was told to only use two or three points per chapter. That's a tough pill to swallow when you got lots of live action! To me--if we are perfect, what will the editor get paid for? Easy doubloons. I will make him earn his pay. entertaining, do loco, wackydo.


 Comment Written 21-May-2014


Comment by
seaglass
 
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The end wrapping was done well. I had no confusion between the sites. Readers will be waiting to see how you pull it all together and how all the relationship dynamics play out.


 Comment Written 21-May-2014


Comment by
nelliesellie
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The nose is tightening on Winston. They saved Junior in spite of himself. Diamond and The Bard may be good for each other. Winston is still dangerous. His partners may decide to take him out, or they may decide to help him. Great work.


 Comment Written 20-May-2014


Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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Well it looks like Winston won't get Junior after all. And Lillith? What about her? Seems nobody cares much. Surely Winston is well guarded by his men... won't be THAT easy to just scoop him up. Something's gotta go wrong, or this book is really short. Can't wait to see what you come up with. :)


 Comment Written 20-May-2014


Comment by
ravenblack
 
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Flashing sideways (well, not back or forward, so what else would you call it) works well here. And what a breath of fresh air the pale-armed Bard is. Keep him around for a while.


 Comment Written 20-May-2014



reply by the author on 20-May-2014
    Thank you. Yep, I'm working on it. Trying to get all the little side plots resolved without too much drama and get back to the basics. Love writing the Bard and he works the best with the girls. Appreciate the input. It does help and really keeps me from going on a long journey to nowhere! mikey
Comment by
nordicgirl
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I don't mind the complexity of this. I have my favorite charcters but as long as what you write is compelling, I am happy to read. A book is a book. Books aren't written like they are here. This is good for feedback and such. But, remember that when you publish the book will look much different and will be judged as one piece and not page by page. Just keep writing. If you have an idea go with it. This is your first draft. When you are done take it and all the feedback and write your second draft. Don not worry. All of this is engaging and interesting. NG


 Comment Written 20-May-2014



reply by the author on 20-May-2014
    Thank you kindly. You understand my dilemma perfectly. There is a Fanstory presentation that differs from what a finished product should look and read like. It is something that I get caught up in. I'll keep your advice in mind. I am interested in the final product in the lone run. mikey
Comment by
Nosha17
 
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This story demonstrates your skills as poet as well as fiction writer accompli. It is a very complicated plot with the large number of characters. You are bringing it all together well and it was as always enjoyable. Faye


 Comment Written 20-May-2014



reply by the author on 20-May-2014
    Thanks for the vote of confidence! I do have a bit more going on than I intended. But, it's there so I'm trying to resolve it quickly and get back to the main theme. Mikey
Comment by
CR Delport
 
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I think once you learn to speak Bard, everything makes a lot more sense :) This is another well written chapter with a lot going on all over the place. The noose is tightening around Winston.


 Comment Written 20-May-2014



reply by the author on 20-May-2014
    Thank you. I need to get it around his neck soon! I have a few too many little side plots going on. Trying to resolve and condense and get back to the original idea. mikey
Comment by
Michaelk
 
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Excellent
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Yes, showing the location. Is just enough to keep us informed without being overbearing about it. The jumping back and forth actually keeps things interesting if it's done well. Yours is done well. I like that diamond is concerned enough to tell bard to talk plain one minute, then laughing right along with him the next. Bard's descriptions are great as usual. He adds the spice to this story. I think this is very publishable.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 20-May-2014


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