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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Study In Rodin"

All rhymes, but different flavors of rhyme

  58 total reviews 
Comment by
Sissy
 
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Who knew rejection could be so entertaining...
(sorry)...but hey, if we can't laugh at ourselves..

I loved the way this read.
Personally, I think it was the
"Ma Cherie" that did you in!

Great ending. It's nice to read some fun poetry occasionally.
Can't wait for more.

-Sis


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
sswhiplash
 
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I am presuming the scene is at the Rodin Museum in Paris where I have also been. I can just see your calculated approach and the inevitable French rejection. Of course, the pose you strike reflects where you were. Lots of fun.

Out of curiosity, do you set the rhyme scheme before you write or does it evolve as you are writing? It would seem from your notes, you had it set before the poem was developed.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Louanne
 
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Really enjoyed this, the image of you
sidling over to the lovely French Miss
and making your move, but the best
part, the part which brought a big smile
to my face, was you sitting on a stone
bench, a living work of art, playing that
game of statues all by your lonesome!

Better luck next time!!! :o)


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
DySaintDrama
 
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Couldn't have ended in better fashion:
"I watched her, slumped to sit, then cocked my wrist,
And pondered the rejection, chin to fist."
Good job on the whole concept. Jeff


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Pili Pubul
 
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Terrific poem and very funny , ii is very visual , and the scene passed throughout my mind like a flash. Great images and as always perfect style , It really doesn't matter for the poem , but I had see a few "Thinkers " from Rodin , all of them in bronze , and some studies in clay. But perhaps is one somewhere !


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Kadrien
 
 
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Marillion, very good job here. I loved the imagery you used; unique and charming. You evoked the situation wonderfully and gave the reader a view from the driver's seat, as it were. Very good job on the descriptions. :-)

In the end, though, I found the poem somehow lacking - the first stanza seemed much better constructed than the second and the twist at the end didn't do it for me in the sense that I didn't laugh at all. Still, great job on the visuals, definitely this poem's strong suit and one of your great strengths.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Eldora
 
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Loved it! I can just see you in that "Thinker" pose, contemplating the furball brushoff as the lady in question sashayed off! Better luck next time.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
tgeoff
 
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I loved this. Such descriptive humorous writing and it was quite clever.
She rolled her eyes, said "No", and sashayed off.
I watched her, slumped to sit, then cocked my wrist,
And pondered the rejection, chin to fist.
By the way Chip Marillon is a bad boy and his Dad is going to get even with Bob Mastery....In case you haven't heard...check out A Friend, A Dog and A Cup of Java. I think I finally got most of the punctuation right but I perhaps I should put my chin on my cock on ponder that...Did I say that right?
Ciao


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Storyweaver
 
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LOL, mirroring statues now, are we? My that's quite an image.
Very well done, I watched this scene play out before my eyes and couldn't help but chuckle at the end...MEN! (You think Rodin was intending the pondering of women and rejection? I suppose it could be great inspiration)
Oh, I've had too much sun!
I am rambling because there is never anything to crit about your work..
A great poem!
~Weaver


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
fortescue
 
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I watched her, slumped to sit, then cocked my wrist,
And pondered the rejection, chin to fist.

And a modern-day Thinker is born. Smashingly good, Marillion. I love that ending.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


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