That Wasn't What She Had In Mind
An unhappy toddler seeks a solution.
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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Study In Rodin"

All rhymes, but different flavors of rhyme

  58 total reviews 
Comment by
Nelliebelle
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Perfect in meter, in flow, and in the culmination of the piece. I really didn't know what would happen here, but I love how you ended it.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Econ Teacher
 
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Rodin made several versions of "The Thinker" Many of them were in bronze. I happened see one at the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena, California. I am just curious where you saw a stone one. I think it would be cool to see it in granite or something other kind of rock.

This is a very sophisticated poem that addresses the topic well. I liked the humor in it with how after the guy's flirtations were rejected he takes the pose of the thinker.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Lost Angel
 
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Oh, this is rich, Marillion. I've always loved "The Thinker" and I just love how you end up in pretty much the same position. Brilliant work, you word artist.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Black Wren
 
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Excellent
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High heels on marble were a harbinger,
(harbinger or harbringer?)

I love irony where he is looking at "The Thinker" and then to ponder the rejection he takes the same pose.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Dogmanstar
 
 
Excellent
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Very clever piece of work and excellent use of unusual words too. I'm off for the dictionary as soon as I'm done here.

Just two notes on it.
1. Does in summer suit need to be bracketed? You might explain the use of them to me if you feel the requirement.

2. At the end 'I watched her'. Watched her what? I take it she has moved on? If so then I watched her go seems more appropriate.

Great job though
88
Stan


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
stroke
 
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Excellent
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This may be my absolute favorite piece of yours, Marillion. You've merged knowledge of art with metered rhyme, and it's a delightful tongue-in-cheek piece. Great.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
24chas
 
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Her answer was a glance and fur-ball scoff;
She rolled her eyes, said "No", and sashayed off.
I watched her, slumped to sit, then cocked my wrist,
And pondered the rejection, chin to fist.

Brilliant, clever, perfect. What man hasn't pondered the same thing, but I love the frame of art you put around it.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


Comment by
Dreamdancer
 
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LOL....
Sir you do have a way with words.. This piece was leading... and not in the direction I thought it was going:-) Another awesome write my friend and thanks for sharing! Buddy

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2005


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