King Wise
An eight line acrostic, humour poem; pl read Author Notes
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Reviews from
THE TRINING Book Two


General Doctrex & the Thousand Miles to Qarnolt

  42 total reviews 
Comment by
trumby
 
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Axtilla certainly seems to be a very strong lady.
Doctrex seems as if he's got a bit of a conundrum ahead of him.
He sounds as if he might like to go back to his previous life, but his commitment to Axtilla and the rebellion hold him there.
Am I right?


 Comment Written 12-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
    Axtilla is strong, driven by her god, Kyre. Yes, Doctrex is indeed inside a condom. You'll have to read the final chapter of Book II if he gets out of his condom in one piece.
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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  Rank:  119
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  Rank:  258
 
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Well, here we go again - I'm dropping in on a story I should have read from the beginning because it's exemplary and I have no darn idea what the heck the plot is! But mister, you sure can write the heck out of a chapter!


 Comment Written 11-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
    Many thanks, Dawn. You didn't read the two chapters before this? If not, I can understand your confusion. The total four chapters prepare the reader more for understanding the final several chapters leading to the conclusion.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 11-Mar-2016
    My brain doesn't function like it should anymore - I'm not linking the pieces...but it matters little, really because there are some writers you KNOW know what the heck they're doing, so it follows that the plot/character development, etc. is stellar.
Comment by
DonandVicki
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  Rank:  25 (+2)
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  Rank:  17
 
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Your fantasy has held my attention and I always look forward to a new chapter and adventure. Your writing makes these fantasy so realistic.


 Comment Written 11-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
    Thank you my friends. I'm glad you're enjoying this. It's just for preparation for the ending.
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Another really good chapter, my friend. I thank you for re-posting these chapters. It gives a little more insight on the two main characters. Will they have to fall off the bridge to enter Axtilla's world?

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 11-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
    The next chapter answers your question, but wait until I re-post it. Part of the reason for the re-posts is to also allow me time to get the chapters to the climax.
Comment by
chasennov
 
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Axtilla Takes Doctdrex To the Source of It All. A chapter in the book THE TRINING Book Two. Black Web Over Viktor's Heart.' This is another great chapter in this ongoing development of yours, Jay. Great reading and quiet enjoyment. Very well done.


 Comment Written 11-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
    Thank you, Chas. I appreciate your reading this. It will help you with the final chapter.

reply by chasennov on 11-Mar-2016
    You are most welcome, Jay.
Comment by
foxangie123
 
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Thank you so very much Jay for filling in the relationship gaps and for your generosity of keeping a six for another. That says so much about you beyond any exceptional vote because you are above the greatest. You are the greatest author here.


 Comment Written 10-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
    You are very kind, Angie. I'm thrilled you enjoyed this as preparation for the last several chapters.

reply by foxangie123 on 10-Mar-2016
    I'm just honest. I get blocked when I don't like something because I'm truthful.:)
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)

Hi, Jay,

I read through this chapter... actually, (I read it right after I read the last chapter) when I got the start point of where I could logically start (as your chapters kind of are a little mixed up in sequence with the labeling, but I read the last three chapters for enjoyment.)

The gist of what I came away with, Doctrex was once Viktor, a police psychiatrist, who felt he made a mistake in judgment that resulted in the death of some children. (a tragic incident rehashed here with Axtillia) Now he did lose his position, but moreso it put him in a state of decline, drinking,.. trying to forget, and eventually more, which seems to have led him down the rabbit hole journey as Doctrex, and then out the rabbit hole moment here with Axtilla, leading him to once again to choose to leap down the rabbit hole once more as Pondria. In this chapter, he seems to be in complete avoidance with Dr. Green... who seems a bit smug and unsympathetic as a Doctor trying to get someone to open up, moreso wanting him to explain ... why he did it... though the tone, I'm guessing Dr. Green already recommended something unpalatable as far as treatment is concerned.

I like the countdown attention of the time

Still don't like those commas after coordinating conjunctions starting the sentence... moreso here in this chapter. Suggest deleting those commas.

Example:
And[,] so I gave up drinking.

Carter's wife's mother was a retired attorney.
(That's a mouthful...)



 Comment Written 08-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
    It wasn't until after this chapter (and probably 20 more) that I even knew the rule for coordinating conjunctions. Now I put them in the find/replace function on Word and pull them up. And someone else told me why not "Carter's mother in law?" I can only say it's because it didn't dawn on me. Thanks for reading. You got the scenario down pat. Do you know why Dr. Green is questioning him? I think it's in one of the next two chapters.

reply by --Turtle. on 09-Mar-2016
    I believe so, but I didn't want to give it away for the review surfers.

reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
    BTW, I am posting four important chapters from the end of Book II (the THIRD one today, and worth a buck-six) that might help you understand the ending of Book III, if you weren't a reader from the beginning. You might want to take a look at them. [This is a pasted message, not a personal one, since the post doesn?t show on my fan?s PM, and I?m racing time to get the message out. Sorry.]
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)
Alright, let me wrap my head around this story. Correct me if I am wrong. Your character, Viktor Brueen, lands in this alternate world with no memory. Now, he is back in his own world and about to travel back to the alternate world to assume his role as Pondria. Viktor may not even believe he is Pondria, but Axtilla is convinced.

I hope I am close on this line of thinking.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
    I'm assuming you haven't read the last two re-post chapters yet. God, you about nailed it. I'd still read the next two chapters, posting Tuesday or Wednesday and then about Friday or Saturday ... all depending on my funny-coinage.
Comment by
chasennov
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)
Alienating Dr. Green & Telling His Story To Axtilla. A chapter in the book THE TRINING Book Two. The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2).' As excellent a chapter as I wish to read once again. This is fine writing you have done here, Jay. Very well done.


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
    THank you Chas. Glad you enjoyed it. Next is Tuesday or Wednesday.

reply by chasennov on 07-Mar-2016
    You are most welcome, Jay. Kind regards.Chas.
Comment by
Tessa Kay
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)
I only just noticed the 'pappering' in your author's notes. In the chapter, I just read over it. I like it. I wish someone could invent pappering for real. Would save me a lot of time trying to learn Portuguese...

-And, now you're smiling - the comma puts a pause where I wouldn't normally pause. Cut it?

-"Uncomplicate it." - :) :)

-Carter's wife's mother - easier to say mother-in-law?

Her words drive like a fist in my solar plexus. - 'Fist' would be the stronger word to end on. Rearrange?

-let my body rise up to my level of arrogance. - cut 'up'? Redundant.

- 'And, then I find' a - no comma.

-"We had plants that some people chewed to forget," Axtilla said. " - A 'huh?' moment for me here. Seems something is missing to connect to the last speech.

This was another chapter I enjoyed. I think you do the 'down and out' voice so well. It's what drew me to your writing in the first place. A witty, clever, but still very likeable voice. Looking forward to the next part. :)


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 07-Mar-2016
    Thanks, Tessa. Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for the suggestions.

    Carter's wife's mother - easier to say mother-in-law? [It sure would!]

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