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Reviews from
THE TRINING Book Two


General Doctrex & the Thousand Miles to Qarnolt

  42 total reviews 
Comment by
foxangie123
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)
Here you are again writing expertise pieces, chapter ing, writing, lines, words, all of it. Gosh you're amazing I hope you know. I mean it my man. Fa Real...


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
    Hey, ANgie. Glad you read this and are enjoying it. Two more chapters and you'll be able to enjoy the ending.
Comment by
robyn corum
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 Rank:  6
 

#2 Ranked Poet
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Leap of Faith (Pt 2)
1.) pattering processor and said, "Yes!, yes. As a loon."
--> issues with punctuation

2.) if I took the coward's way and stayed, you'(lose space)d be back as Rhuether's
prisoner,

3.) I'd be left to have my brain fried, extra crispy, by a (d)octor I had offended."

Great ending -- I HATED it. *smile* It was perfect - in it's terrible, horrible way. So realistic. I think I have a much better grasp on what's happening. Thanks!


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    I'm glad you have a good grasp. Hold onto it tightly. One of the reasons I'm posting these (besides the stated), is to allow me time to complete the final chapters. So you're likely to have a dry spell. Thanks though for reading it in its entirety. I appreciate you so much.
Comment by
robyn corum
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Rating of Chapter 32 -
Black Web Over Viktor's Heart
Here. Now." There is no moving in this metal, bucket-seated chastity belt. "

he road narrows immediately, and pebbles pop against the undercarriage.

Both of the above lines add SO much to making the scene feel more immediate and REAL. Kudos! On to the next!


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    I hope you are reading them in order. This one hasn't been re-posted and won't be until Wednesday. You coulda got paid for it if you'd waited.
Comment by
robyn corum
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 Rank:  6
 

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Rating of Chapter 31 -
A Question of Specificity
1.) Viktor, but I suggest when (D)octor Green comes in you exhibit

I love the way you describe things so that the reader is THERE with the characters. Great job. (Though I read this out of order, it seems. Took me a minute to realize there were two parts of chapters 31 and 32.)

On to the next!


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    This should have been the first to read. Sorry you read them out of order. Bless you for just reading them, Robyn.

reply by robyn corum on 05-Mar-2016
    I don't mind not getting paid. It's easier to do it this way and not have to worry with alerting me, isn't it? It worked for me, anyway! *smile*
Comment by
robyn corum
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)
Very, verrryy interesting! This adds a whole new level of stuff that I hadn't even begun to think about. Adding to Doctrex's mental state and his past. Hmmm....

On to the next!!


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    Thank you so much, Robyn. Glad you got to these. It'll make the final chapters of Part III more understandable.
Comment by
prettybluebirds
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
The Electric Blue Forgetting (Pt. 2)
Excellent. This very nicely written. It is interesting and kept my attention from start to finish. I don't think I ever read any of this story before. I'm sure I would have remembered it because it is very good.


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    I'm glad you enjoyed it. Come back for the next two installments which should prepare you for the Book III climax.
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
A Question of Specificity

Hi, Jay, I read through this chapter, it's a little like trying to reorient to a change in songs while still on the dance floor, (my mind goes into a full-on, processing... processing... in a good way) What I'm gathering is this is when it seems Viktor and Doctrex are coexisting?, it seems, in two places at the same time, (or there is some mental breakdown happening) and Viktor did something odd, that Green is evaluating him on.

Viktor's a bit disoriented, but he has to hold it together to convince Green he's fine, except he doesn't seem to recall the specifics of what Green expects him to know.

I like the back and forth in two planes, seeming to happen, so the reader is aware that Doctrex seems to be wounded, and is being moved, and Viktor is having an awkward appointment with a shrink. And Axtilla exists to him in both places. Sometimes I wonder if the speaking should have quotes or not in the non-itallics, but I was able to gather what was going on, and so, consistency is enough for me. Not sure I like the commas after some of those 'starting a sentence with a coordinating conjunction'... but that may be some sort of personal thing.

I tend to scowl at those modifiers that are shorthanded for longer than I probably should.

indeterminate period when, if he spoke further to me(,) I was
(If/implied then comma)

It should not have confounded me to have (had)? them gradually fan away from me and [in a](after a)? few hours to have both left and right flank be out-of-sight. (There was a time skew here? Couldn't quite pin my finger on it. Not sure if just maybe the 'after a' instead of 'in a')

In a few hours, we will go to the store.

After a few hours, we went to the store.



It didn't. I reached over to press my hand on(against)? my jacket over the burning area underneath. When I released the

overlapping. Bent knees, thighs, creaking of leather.
(good indicator of confusion, good increase of pace, amp up of anxiety, while still giving details)

on the counter told(warned)? them. I never did though. Oh, no!

But if the doctor's late, can the patient charge him?
(Nice, introspective and dazed-like thought, I liked this)

cross my legs and stare at my knee.( )The Doctor will be with you in

But[,]? when Doctor Green comes in you must be here, now, with

tears [ ]squeeze out. "Now, we don't have time, my Doctrex, you

With the word Doctrex my eyes pop open. "Ohhhh(,)? Axtilla," I sob. I

"I know. I know. But[,]? now, you are Viktor. Viktor Brueen. I am

in the picture, only older and more completely bald. "Yes. And[,] I'm

He circles behind me, emerges on the other side, (and)? stands behind his swivel chair, pushed under the desk.
(the shorthand modifier drew my eye. I tend to see it disconnected, it feels disconnected. -- He circles behind me. He emerges on the other side. He stands behind his swivel chair, pushed under the desk. I want to say it's a non restrictive modifier that's omitted its clarity. Like:

John, who has been drinking, should not drive. The 'been drinking' details of John is an added detail about John that if omitted, doesn't change the sentence. If the 'pushed under the desk' is omitted, the sentence stands. So my gut says... non restrictive modifier. But I get a sense of ... something missing, when the non restrictive modifier loses the clarifying aspect, sometimes.

John, been drinking, should not drive.
Might be similar to:
He stands behind his swivel chair, pushed beneath the desk.

He stands behind his swivel chair, which is pushed beneath the desk.

I think you like to do it, some sort of shorthand non-restrictive, but it always has me racing to reconfirm my understanding of modifiers, non-restrictive, restrictive and dangling... to figure out why I find myself staring at it thinking... something's amiss.

Now if it were a restrictive modifier, I think it would be singling the chair out of a crowd. Like there are multiple chairs and he's standing behind the one pushed in beneath his desk. restrictive modifiers don't have the commas

He stands behind his swivel chair pushed beneath his desk. (as apposed to his swivel chair against the wall. or his swivel chair beside the desk. Which is silly, as that implies way more chairs than needed... so the comma is right)

Then I tangle myself into a mental knot and move on...

answer(,) and I'm intrigued by the movement of his fingertips. It's
(suggest comma)



 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    Thanks, Turtle, for your usual elaborate review. Unlike the reviews for the new chapters, I shall paste this into a folder and use it for the final edit once the book is completed.

    I just now posted part 2 of the four chapters I'm re-releasing. Feel free to just read it for the enjoyment of it. I'm posting all these just to bring the reader who's fairly new to The Trining up to speed.

    Again, thanks so much for your support.

reply by --Turtle. on 05-Mar-2016
    I wonder why I'm not getting the auto-alerts on them.

reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    You won't get them because it is a re-post that is less than 2 years old (about two month's shy of 2 years. That's why I have to appear needy in sending these out.
Comment by
DonandVicki
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  Rank:  25 (+2)
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Review Stars
  Rank:  17
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Rating of Chapter 31 -
A Question of Specificity
Certainly a well constructed and well thought out storylines. I am a fan and cannot wait until the end of this story. I hope there is some more in store.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    Many thanks, Don and Vicki. I just now re-posted the next chapter to the one you read.
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
A Question of Specificity
I certainly did get something out of this. Your main character is from Earth. Looking forward to more. Hopefully, I will be able to follow the story line. Thanks for re-posting.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
    Glad it helped, Russell. Saturday I'll post the second chapter.
Comment by
JTStone
 
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Rating of Chapter 31 -
A Question of Specificity
Thank you so much, Jay, for letting me know this was here.
You're right, it does make your latest offering from book III make more sense. Especially the part when the seer is speaking to Pondria in the garden as the bird.
A fascinating story. I love the psychological nature of this entire body of work you have created. I got the meaning of the word you used, 'Pappering' as word replacement in the mind, though I couldn't find it when I googled it. (Lost my library in the divorce to the ex. Guarantee she hasn't opened any of the dictionaries since.) I love the vocabulary. It enhances the ambiance of the story.
The seer was telling Pondria that Doctrex was his mask. Then so would Viktor be another.
This brings into place the reality of your character as Pondria as being true self. The ending of Book III he has to be Pondria, for the prophecy the entire story is based on, to be fulfilled.
Thank you for releasing this exactly when you did. Utterly brilliant on your part.
Jimmy


 Comment Written 03-Mar-2016



reply by the author on 04-Mar-2016
    I don't know about brilliant. But I'm weak enough to accept it. LOL, thanks, Jimmy. Saturday, I'll post 31 pt. 2, weds, 32 pt. 1 and the following Sat. 32 pt 2. Hopefully it will prepare you for the climax which I will be working on over the next two weeks. You don't know how much your review means to me, Jimmy. Thanks so much.

reply by the author on 05-Mar-2016
    BTW, I am posting four important chapters from the end of Book II (the SECOND one today) that might help you understand the ending of Book III, if you weren't a reader from the beginning. You might want to take a look at them.
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