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What a dream that might have been . This is such an interesting poem. Not extremely dark but intriguing.
This line stood out--with pregnant raindrops, filled with souls,
Excellent aabb rhymes
Good use of alliteration
Great use of enjambment. read flawlessly from line to line.
As usual fantastic presentation
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Comment Written 11-Nov-2014 |
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| Oh, you had fun writing this, and you also had visions, broad and black and wonderful. Somehow you've woven your faith betwixt your fascination for the fearsome and flawed, and it delivers a great yarn of truth and light. The cooling rain patching the holes just when the devil nearly made him do it, is a wonderful metaphor for the saving grace of prayer, of love, of God. The sweeping vision of a tortured soul being shown the goodies by old Nick, is told in wonderfully imaginative versifying, and given extra verve via the excellent images on display. I couldn't help but think of Jesus' tour of destiny and the choice he was offered in teh desert. Highly enetertaining and thought provoking.
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Comment Written 11-Nov-2014 |
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Another beautiful Kuch production Dean you definitely have a beautiful flow in your verse. The images are perfect for the context
thanks for sharing and scaring the shit out of everyone
dip
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Comment Written 11-Nov-2014 |
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New word: nectarous Hmmm... had to look that one up! Nice fit!
Love the art work, as usual. :)
'"Oh, is that so?" he bared his fangs,
soon overcome by rueful pangs,
all evil that I'd ever spoken
dangled there like tainted tokens.'
Oh, boy. Ain't it the truth that we all have a lot of "tainted tokens???"
"Sometimes I sense that he's still near,"
lurking, preying upon my fear.
And when that happens, without fail,
God sends the rain, His soothing veil..."
Thank you for "going there." As much as I love your wretchedness and delightful darkness, I appreciate that you kept it in check for this.
I don't know about "screams" but there were some pangs of guilt and uneasy stuff way down inside.
Now, there will be no changing of medications for you! We'll talk to the doctor when your writing starts slipping; therefore, I strongly advise you to not hold your breath! :)
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Comment Written 10-Nov-2014 |
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Up For ReviewStand Out WritingAdditional Reading
