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Reviews from
Tranquility

The Hardships of Meditation

  26 total reviews 
Comment by
greyson ernst
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  112
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Review Stars
  Rank:  33
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
i really like it i have no suggestions i may have just joined fanstory and i love it. i hope you keep righting good luck and keep righting and stay safe


sincerely Greyson Ernst


 Comment Written 28-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
    Thank you for the review! Glad you liked it!
Comment by
Waterfowl
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I had to reread the poem to catch details I might have missed and the ending was pretty funny.

The part about ANGLE ON was confusing to me. Was that describing someone's perspective? And what was the style of your poem? I had a hard time finding a pattern (though that's probably because I'm kind of new to this).

Still, meditation is really underrated. Until the hearing aid was mentioned, I couldn't help but admire the man for keeping his sense of inner peace and calm. I still admired him but for his cleverness and personal discipline towards a practice.

Plus, there were points I could feel a little more at peace. Even when the storm rolled in.


 Comment Written 27-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
    This was written as a film script so the angle ons were more a camera view angle. Thank you for the review!

reply by Waterfowl on 28-Nov-2020
    Okay. Thanks for clarifying.
Comment by
GE Parson
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  Rank:  122
 
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W OW! DOUBLE WOW! You have really written an interesting movie. If I was a
movies director, I would snap up this that you have written in a Holly Wood moment. I'm not an expert of judging plays, movies etc. but I am very impressed with this script.


 Comment Written 27-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
    Thank you for the response. Glad you liked the script!
Comment by
roof35
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  Rank:  48
 
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I did get a chuckle when the Asian man took out the hearing aid. The children's tiff was realistic. The young man sounds familiar. I could picture your scenes. It is well written.


 Comment Written 27-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
    Thank you for the feedback!
Comment by
Lorraine Jackson
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This piece includes everything necessary to stimulate our sense of hearing, sight, and imagination, beginning with the bamboo deck and two sliding screen doors. We're led to visualize a slight breeze rustling rose bushes as an old man crosses a koi bridge. I most enjoyed envisioning mere silhouettes of the other characters in the story. This entire piece was clever and creative. Well done.


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
    Thank you!
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
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  Rank:  48 (+2)
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  Rank:  26
 
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Dear KPT, this is the first of your work that I have ever reviewed. I find it refreshingly different, because it is written as a movie script.
After reading your authors notes, I better understood your ambitions for joining us here on Fan Story.
I do hope you will remain, and gain what it is, you seek.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
    Thanks for the response!
Comment by
BethShelby
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  Rank:  42
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  14
 

#7 Ranked Novelist
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The old man has an excellent way to tune out the world since he is deaf and he doesn't have his hearing aid in. However on drop of rain, is enough to interrupt his tranquility. He has an advantage most don't have when it comes to meditation. Nice written.


 Comment Written 21-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 23-Nov-2020
    Thank you for the reply!
Comment by
Rx kingpen
THIS SPACE FOR RENT!
BLACK MARKET LEGENDS
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  124
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I love this. I learned a lot from this write..it's a venue I look forward to writing when I'm done with my other projects.
I applaud this. Not only for the technicality of it but especially the subject matter.
The hussle and bussle that meditation can spare us of. Simply beautiful. The hearing aid was a surprising touch but really brought the message home, further.




 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2020
    Glad you liked it! Thank you for the review!
Comment by
Cynthia Adams1
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  Rank:  32
 
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Very interesting story.
I noticed right away that you are good with dialogue. Many writers when dialoguing for children, make their language that of older people and it sounds stilted and wrong. You did a good job with that.
I very much like the character of the meditating old man. I thought he wasn't reacting to the noise because he was such a practiced and dedicated meditator. Putting his hearig aide back in made me chuckle. Good job.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2020
    Glad you liked it!
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  97
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  21
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  8
Script Rating
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  8
 

#8 Ranked Novelist

#3 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I found this fragment so beautiful and poetic :"One falling drop as it plummets upon a telephone
wire hovering over the garden. The drop slowly runs down the
side of the wire and continues to plummet into a branch of a
peach blossom tree standing directly above the meditating old
man. The water drop slowly forms, and drops from the bottom
of the branch. It then releases only to land on the
meditating man's head." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2020



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2020
    Thank you for the lovely reply! Glad you like it!
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