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Reviews from
The Man Behind


Flash--but not for the contest.

  33 total reviews 
Comment by
pbomar1115
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  110
 
Excellent
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Harley reminds me of people I know. Barbers are on the top of the list. You have a lock on this character. I enjoyed the dialogue and the skillful use of it put me in that barber shop easily. Great story.


 Comment Written 27-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
    Thank you, pbomar. I'd forgotten this story. Thanks for bringing it back to my attention. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  82
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  190
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Bravo. Excellent flash style and delivery. great closing. Great pacing and crisp sentences.


I enjoyed the nuances of diction and characterization with lines like:

My partner should be in directly, and he'll scrape you smoother than a billiard ball."

and:

Jimmie Rogers warbled something lonelier than a train whistle on the radio.

Superb original and inventive simile!

Great word-play on the verb here:

"Then conversate 'bout somethin' more interestin'.


Funny verb usage here too--very clever and descriptive:
Harley matadored the barber cape off his grumpy customer.

great attention to detail to enhance characterization (showing not telling). Like this:

Ox rose, dug a crumpled dollar bill out of his uniform shirt pocket and handed it to Harley.

Saying a dollar bill would be bland...but the word CRUMPLED augments this line significantly. Well done!


*
As the towel came off, Tenny tried to reach under his barber cape he, but stopped abruptly,


"cape he"....? Is there a word missing there? or is the word HE in there by accident? Does not make sense to me...


Great double-twist. I did guess the first one, but not the second.

Bravo!

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 05-May-2015



reply by the author on 06-May-2015
    Thanks so much for this fine review, and the galaxy, rd. Yes, this HE was an accident--part of an incomplete edit. Thanks for pointing it out. It's funny, but I find dialogue easier to write, and more believable when I give the characters a bit of dialect. Thank you again. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

reply by rama devi on 06-May-2015
    Thanks for your gracious response...GALAXY--hee hee...well said! :)

    I think you excel with dialog and diction! It's one of your fortes as a writer

    Warmly, rd
Comment by
jmdg1954
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  459
 
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Nicely written piece of flash fiction HW. I enjoyed the barber shop chit-chat...

ie: "Let them bristles git good an' tender. My partner should be in directly, and he'll scrape you smoother than a billiard ball."

Good reading, John


 Comment Written 03-May-2015


Comment by
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  41
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  60
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  21
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  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  Rank:  40
 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Excellent
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Yes. I was thinking Tinney would silence the men who recognized him, but no. This is a nice with no tags and no confusion of who's speaking. Great little story.


 Comment Written 02-May-2015


Comment by
Patti R.
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
An exceptional piece of flash fiction!
On the surface a simple barber shop bit of banter; but underneath there's a lot going on. You gave your reader several tip-offs. But I missed most of them! And then the ending gives it to me double-barreled! Sneaky.
A story that causes me to go back and re-read several times. And it gets funnier each time. You are a master at this sort of writing. Plenty of subtle ironies, excellent dialogue in this one, too. I really liked ".. matadored the barber cape .." and ".. spare me your skeeter-bait lilac water.."

Harley is misspelled in the second paragraph.
The man beneath the towel spoke: "Hey, barber, how 'aout (about or 'bout) my shave, huh?"

Loved the name Oxley Treadwell.

Patti



 Comment Written 02-May-2015


Comment by
barbara.wilkey
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  57
 

#6 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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I really enjoyed reading your flash fiction. You have a talent for the twist. I enjoyed reading every word. I expected the sheriff to walk in and arrest the man. Good job.


 Comment Written 02-May-2015


Comment by
Sis Cat
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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Excellent
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Exceptional writing. Some of the best dialogue I have read on FanStory in a while. It is crisp. Natural. It is nothing short of magic. I felt I was right in that barber shop in a chair, listening to the conversation. Thank you for sharing this exceptional writing.


 Comment Written 02-May-2015



reply by the author on 02-May-2015
    Thank you, Sis Cat. I'm delighted you enjoyed the story. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Walu Feral
 
Review Stars
 
 
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G'day Lee. That was a great yarn mate, very well written with good wit and imagery. But I'll let you in on a secret, I'm just a fera old black/white man from Australian who lives in the Philippines (Crikey! sounds like an identity crisis) and I can't figure out what you mean in your notes about the ox identity LOL. Loved the story though. Cheers Fez


 Comment Written 02-May-2015



reply by the author on 02-May-2015
    Sorry about the confusion, Fez. Ox, the guy getting his haircut throughout the story, just happened to be the sheriff of the town, and knew the identity of the bank robber who was waiting for a shave. It was important to me to keep Ox's identity as sheriff a secret until the last minute--the 'reveal' in Flash-speak. I hope this clears it up . . . a little.

    Anyway, thank you very much. And I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

reply by Walu Feral on 02-May-2015
    AHHHHHH! LOL. I thought he was a politician going by the election and being grumpy line. Thanks for that mate, I'm a bit slow in the noggin these days.

reply by the author on 02-May-2015
    Do what I do--always blame the writer! L
Comment by
LIJ Red
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  95
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  124
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  93
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  652
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very smooth and well written. Did the conversation linger on the bank robbers too long? Should Tenny, being a felon on the run and all nerves, have sensed something wrong? Or was he that cocky? Just speculating. Can't fault the writing.


 Comment Written 01-May-2015



reply by the author on 01-May-2015
    These are good questions Red. Here's how I see it: Tenny felt comfortable hidden under his towel, and being a very vain character (as attested by the barber), he enjoyed hearing others talk about his exploits. You suggest he was 'all nerves'. I think he was the other kind of cat.
    Actually, either side can be argued. People are unpredictable, so I write characters.
    I hope you enjoyed, my friend. Peace, Lee
Comment by
abbasjoy
 
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Well done! I kinda suspected it was Tenney under the towel, but I didn't completely figure out Ox was the Sheriff, until Harley said "I swear you get grumpier with ever' election you win. You treat all your constituents this way, or do you save it all for me?" That is what gave me the clue.
Great job!


 Comment Written 01-May-2015



reply by the author on 02-May-2015
    Thank you, abbasjoy. The election clue was the first I doled out--congrats on spotting it so early. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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