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Reviews from
Ghosts


Finish The Chapter Contest Entry

  54 total reviews 
Comment by
Rasmine
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Dean, :)

Thought I caught you in an error, but it was the contest writer:
Darkness would be coming soon (no comma), and with it a storm.
This was really good! Congrats on winning!

Nome


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
    Thank you, Rasmine.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Mary H-W
 
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Excellent
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I like your interesting story-line. It's easy enough to follow.
I'm having fun reading all the very different takes on this initial paragraph.
I hope your enjoying the contest, too.


 Comment Written 15-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    I am enjoying it, Mary, and thank you for taking the time to read my meager offering. Your comments are greatly appreciated, my friend. :)
    ~Dean
Comment by
Jacob Collins
 
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Excellent
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Another masterpiece, Dean. I never suspected that outcome, I thought that perhaps he had hurt his daughter in some other way, not inside the womb of her mother, very creepy. I thought you explored his thoughts very well, particularly his feelings towards his wife who he believes has had an affair. You drew me in very easily and held my attention well. A great write, good luck in the contest...Jacob


 Comment Written 15-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks very much for reading, Jacob. I'm pleased to know that you enjoyed the story, my friend. Your support and thoughtful feedback is greatly appreciated.

    Thanks again, and have yourself a super weekend...

    ~Dean
Comment by
Chris Tee
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow!!! This is absolutely brilliant writing and the note the way it is even better. The vocabulary excellent and the story well told.Well done Dean with this great stuff which in worthy of a six star.


 Comment Written 15-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks a bunch, Chris, and not just for the exceptional rating. I appreciate your outstanding feedback even more.

    Much obliged, my friend. :)
    ~Dean
Comment by
cupa tea
An idle mind is a wasted mind.
I seldom spend time doing nothing.
 
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  Rank:  531
 
Excellent
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Hummm, nice opening on the chapter. Makes the reader wonder what happened before you tell us what happened. It just feels like its over now and not ready to fall into another chapter....


 Comment Written 15-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts and opinions with me about the story, cupa tea. Much obliged.
Comment by
GWHARGIS
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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  Rank:  214
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Well there fella I think you have the beginnings for a great scary novel here. I would love for you to write a novella or a multi part story. Get the reader to follow along and give them scare after scare. Good dramatic tension and then you leave the reader hanging. Great build up. I had enough info to give me an idea of what the older detective was going to say and yet ... Kudos to you. Gretchen


 Comment Written 14-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks for reading the story first and foremost, Gretchen. I'm really pleased to know that you enjoyed it. I've had many tell me that they'd like to see this story continue, and I very well might do just that given the overwhelming response. I'm very grateful for the awesome feedback and six stars, my friend. Thanks so much as always...~Dean
Comment by
Ridley Williams
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Dean,

Wow, what an emotional story! I started to get a knot in my stomach when James' daughter asked if he still loved her. But when she said mom was here also, I felt a sinking feeling inside...too sad!

Nice build up of suspense, along with terrific imagery and impact.

Great job finishing the story in such a chilling fashion...although, I don't know why I should be surprised, lol.

Best of luck with your excellent entry, buddy,
Bill


 Comment Written 14-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks for taking a look at the story, Bill. I very much appreciate your stellar comments and review, my friend. I'm just pleased that you enjoyed the story.

    Thanks again! :)
    ~Dean
Comment by
Muffins
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Deliciously dark. This story is like that noise you heard in the kitchen late at night when your home alone.

The letter spooked me. I wanted than I didn't want to read it. It surprised me, although he is crazy his words, emotions are not. I felt sorry for the guy. It's a great story and great writing that makes the reader feel sympathy for a killer.


 Comment Written 14-May-2015



reply by the author on 14-May-2015
    Thank you very much, Muffins. I'm very happy you enjoyed reading this one. I realize it's a bit...morbid to say the least.
    Your supportive comments and thoughtful review are very much appreciated, my friend.

    Thanks again! ~Dean :}
Comment by
Just2Write
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Happiness only exists in the moment.
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Your skill just keeps getting better and better, Dean. Some of your descriptors are truly excellent...

James pushed the phone's receiver into his shoulder, trying to mask the wracking sobs overcoming him in tsunami-like waves. After a few heaves of his chest, then drawing in several deep, gulping breaths, he finally managed to respond.

Very impressive way of packing a lot of detail into just two sentences.

I only noticed one SPAG:
Jame's {James'}

Best of luck in the contest - This is a superb entry.

Rose.


 Comment Written 14-May-2015



reply by the author on 14-May-2015
    Thank you very much for taking the time to read it, Rose, first of all. I sincerely appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me about the story, and your comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.

    Thanks again... :)

    ~Dean
Comment by
DALLAS01
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Dean, this is excellent. It had my undivided attention from the get go. The letter is a nice wrap but what preceded it is the meat of this piece. The child ghost pleading with the father for answers is powerful. You should develop this into a longer piece.


 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks a million, DALLAS, my friend. I'm so glad to know that you enjoyed reading this story. Due to the overwhelming positive response, I just may decide to continue on with the story. The possibilities are endless.

    Thanks for the six stars and awesome feedback. I greatly appreciate it. ~Dean

reply by DALLAS01 on 15-May-2015
    You're welcome.
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