Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

8 Words or Less Poem
Deadline: Today!

5-7-5 Poetry
Deadline: Tomorrow!

Loop Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 3 Days

75 Words Flash Fiction
Deadline: In 6 Days

My Faith Poetry
Deadline: Dec 10th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Ghosts


Finish The Chapter Contest Entry

  55 total reviews 
Comment by
DALLAS01
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Dean, this is excellent. It had my undivided attention from the get go. The letter is a nice wrap but what preceded it is the meat of this piece. The child ghost pleading with the father for answers is powerful. You should develop this into a longer piece.


 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks a million, DALLAS, my friend. I'm so glad to know that you enjoyed reading this story. Due to the overwhelming positive response, I just may decide to continue on with the story. The possibilities are endless.

    Thanks for the six stars and awesome feedback. I greatly appreciate it. ~Dean

reply by DALLAS01 on 15-May-2015
    You're welcome.
Comment by
LIJ Red
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Jame's bloated body James's?
What we have here is walking dead. Or the unnamed dad's revenge. The story is gruesome and chilling enough to put real top English on the prompt.
Excellent horror tale.


 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 14-May-2015
    Thanks, LIJ Red, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me about this story, and your encouraging comments as well. ~Dean
Comment by
Gunner Lil
Premier Author
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A very good ending to the chapter. An easy read that has the reader thinking
and begin to believe in ghosts. (?) Great dialogue and you painted a very good picture. Thank you and good luck!


 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Thanks for the luck, and for sharing your thoughts with me about this story, Gunner. Your generous rating and feedback are all very much appreciated. ~Dean
Comment by
Mastery
Published Author
Semper Fi
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  10
Review Stars
  
 

#10 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi, Buddy. Great job here as usual. I have a huinch you have another winner on your horizon.

You are definitely the king of horror, Deano:

" Jame's bloated body was found hanging from a ceiling rafter, along with a crumpled note left on a sleeping bag on the knotted wooden floor." Ugggh!
Great descriptions throughout, my friend.

Suggestion: " He refilled his whiskey glass, and took a deep sip." (Perhaps he took another drink or he gulped it..."deep sip" doesn't sound right to me for some reason. Just a thought.

Good Luck, You know I will be there. Bob



 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 13-May-2015
    I don't recall James Monroe taking a drink of anything in the story, Bob. If I had included it, I'd would write something like, "took another long drag from the bottle", or something to that effect.

    In any event, perhaps you have a portion of this story mixed up with another. Or, maybe I just forgot, lol.

    Thanks for the suggestions and support. As always, I do appreciate it. ~Dean

reply by Mastery on 13-May-2015
    Quote from "Ghosts" : "He turned and threw another log on the open fire, sending a flurry of ash into the air. He refilled his whiskey glass, and took a deep sip. He savored the taste as it warmed his throat. He was trying to build up the courage to make that phone call he had been putting off all day. He reached for the phone just as it started to ring.

reply by the author on 13-May-2015
    Oh, I'm not permitted to change that. That paragraph is from the contest's administrator and must remain as written. Now I know what you're referring to, LOL... :}

reply by Mastery on 13-May-2015
    Right you are. :) Bob
Comment by
thee-name
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.

James stood by the large picture windows, gazing over the open fields, to the purple tingled mountains beyond.

"And . . . I think it's going to be a long fuckin' year."


 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 13-May-2015
    Thanks!

reply by thee-name on 14-May-2015
    thank you!
Comment by
evilynne
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow, that was eerily terrific reading! From your notes, I guess the story continues, and I am looking forward to the finish of the chapter. Best of luck in the contest. Evi


 Comment Written 13-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Well, I've thought about continuing it, Evi, but I haven't made up my mind completely just yet. I'm really pleased to know that you enjoyed this portion of the continuation of the story. Your generous rating and thoughtful support is sincerely appreciated, as always.

    Thanks again! ~Dean ;)
Comment by
JasmineNikki
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi,
What a well written and captivating chapter .... very eerie and intriguing.
The anticipation the last sentence gives is very clever.

Thanks,
Jasmine

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    Thanks, jasmine.
Comment by
2016 Novelist Of The Year
Jacqueline M Franklin
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi, Dean...

This is an excellent opening chapter, and has potential to continue as a really good book.

The little girl talking on the phone was a super touch. It really grounded the chapter. This is a great entry. Good luck continuing the novel and the contest.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    Thanks for reviewing the story, Jax. I appreciate it as I always do.
Comment by
w.j.debi
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  92
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Something like this has happened before and the poor detective doesn't want to relive it, eh? You build the suspense well and leave the reader with a great hook that indicates that quite a story is about to be revealed. It is a great introduction.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 13-May-2015
    Thanks, Debi. I'm very pleased that you thought so. Thanks for reviewing it for me.
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  147 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  112
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What a fill in the blanks mystery you've created here. Deft handling of prior events. Killer or not, I felt sorry for James. Lonnie seems to be the real villain here.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 13-May-2015
    Could be, Spit. But, that still remains to be seen. We may never know.
    Thanks for reviewing this story for me. I always value your opinions very highly. ~Dean
  Previous Page  1  -2-  3 4 5 6  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Writers Block on Steroids
Why I haven't written lately

Your story, poem or chapter novel can be promoted here.
Use member dollars to buy a banner ad from your certificate page.

Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy