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Reviews from
Ghosts


Finish The Chapter Contest Entry

  55 total reviews 
Comment by
rod007
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Delusions and illusions--talking to his long dead still-born baby. Her words probably tipped him completely off the rails if he was not already. I think this world is a better place without the likes of James around. Well done, Dean.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 13-May-2015
    Thank you for taking a crack at the story, Rod. I appreciate it, as always. ~Dean
Comment by
Louise Michelle
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  66
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  118
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Dean,

This appealed to me on such a deep level because of my metaphysical belief system.

Your writing skills shined through as I read this intriguing tale with its grab-the-attention detail and eerie content.

You did such a good job with this writing challenge!

Hugs,
Lou


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    Thanks so much, Lou. I appreciate you reading, and for sharing your thoughts with me about the story. ~Dean
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  63
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  86
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Good follow on Dean to what was provided, and it certainly reads like a chapter in a story, with much more to tell. Interesting twist with the phone call from his dead, unborn daughter and I like the way you have done the crumpled letter from James. Nicely created all round, as usual) and I wish you luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    Thanks for giving it a shot, Pearl. I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, and I certainly appreciate your exceptional rating, as well as your kind comments. ~Dean
Comment by
Autumn Splendour
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
An eerie ghost story replete with freaky voices of a dead baby talking to her dad, suspense and back story. In short a powerful narrative piece in the hands of a master story teller. Brilliant. Write on. I want to know what's likely to happen next.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    I've been considering continuing it, Autumn. I appreciate you showing interest in the story, and for sharing your thoughts with me about it.
    Thanks so much again...~Dean

reply by Autumn Splendour on 12-May-2015
    You are welcome, Dean. By the way, the Chicken Rap you posted in Phyllis Stewart's review column is delightful.
Comment by
sibhus
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Damn, Dean, you have done an excellent job with this entry. This seem to be really one story and not like an attempted to continue with your own thoughts. But, really this is right up your alley. Great idea of adding the note as a note, You should really think about continuing this. I for one would really like to see what happens next. Could it be another chapter in the continuing saga of Support Your Neighborhood Serial Killer. Great stuff, Dude.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    Thanks for taking the time to read it, Husker. I'm really glad you liked the story, my friend. ~Dean
Comment by
kriver
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Marine,
Well here is another fine mess your characters are getting into.
I would not want to be them. LOL
Good creepy stuff.
Very good contest entry.
Anyways, I think the story is great.
I don't think you need the '' f '' word though. You obviously have enough ability and talent you just don't need that type of word to express yourself. Remember, what we write our LORD reads too. Wow that goes for me too! I sure got blindsided by that one.
Anyways it is an exceptional write.
I just came across another Marine.
He wrote:
A Recruits Tale I can't remember his name.
I think he is new.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    I'll have to keep an eye out for him, K. Well, not literally take my eye out of my skull or anything like that...oh heck, you know what I mean...

    I never curse, but my characters sometimes do. Is it realistic for a biker dude to say when a drunken bar patron knocks over his beloved Harley Davidson Flathead, "Oh, shuckey darn! Look at what that fool done went and did!" No. Your readers would laugh you off of the site. My pastor at church, the wonderful Revered Richie Pride, reads all of my stuff here. When I curse in my stories, which I try not to do unless it is for realism sake, he gives me that "LOOK" on Sunday mornin's.

    I hate that look...

    Thanks for yet another outstanding review, my brother... ~Dean

reply by kriver on 12-May-2015
    Hi Dean,
    The Marine's name is josueA He is brand new to the site. He has his story up on the (Up Next ) part not promoted well. 10-14 points low funny money. needs our help in correcting writing, getting hooked into the site and hooked up with our brothers. Anyways, that is the skinny on the newbie brother. He seems very open to learning and tries hard.
    The only reason I said anything about that word is because it didn't seem like it was needed. I have gone around and around that bush too. I am just not sure about it but your correct a biker character wouldn't normally say that. I wrote a poem story using shuckie darn. I just haven't posted it.
    I think maybe I would be getting the LOOK too LOL for one reason or another. I guess that is the challenge in writing clean and staying in character too. I wonder if it can be done without it sounding fake, or something really out of character.
    It is something I really struggle with in writing. I want the things I write to praise the LORD, be in character and be really good too. If it glorifies the enemy in any way I refuse to do it. Anyways, talk to you later,
    Semper Fi Marine,
    K River


reply by the author on 12-May-2015
    I'll check him out, K.River. And I really appreciate the "heads-up." :)
    Semper Fi, Marine...~Dean
Comment by
sharonmealler
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wonderful, colorful, intriguing, eerie. There are many more words to describe this. You are very talented and creative. Very nicely done.


 Comment Written 12-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Oh, you're far too kind, Sharon---but please, don't stop heh-heh...
    In all seriousness, thanks first and foremost for giving this a shot, and for your outstanding feedback as well. Your six stars are just the icing on an already sweet cake, my friend.

    Thanks so much again. :)
    ~Dean

reply by sharonmealler on 15-May-2015
    You are very welcome. I really enjoyed it.
Comment by
Michaelk
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Awesome!
Heart wrenching, touching, freaky, and just downright scary.
I kept thinking the girl was going to grab him and drag him to hell or something like that.
The crumpled up note...how the hell did you do that?
That sent your presentation through the roof.
I was amazed that with just a few short lines you created tension and a back story that I am curious to hear.
Masterful work. Well deserving of the six. :)


 Comment Written 11-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Ah-h-h...the note. Trade secrets, my good man -- trade secrets, heh-heh.
    I sincerely appreciate you reading this, Michael, first of all. I'm also very pleased to know that you enjoyed the story.
    Thanks for the sixer, and your awesome feedback, my fellow horror aficionado. I'm truly grateful for your friendship and your support.

    Thanks again,

    ~Dean
Comment by
madhatter1977
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow, Dean, this is very powerful and dark. I wondered if sacred was meant to be scared in the note? Nevertheless this is a fantastic entry for the competition and a complete story. Development? Why not? Fill in the backstory and flesh out the cops' characters and the ghostly influence of the unborn child. Great work my friend and well done, Pete :)


 Comment Written 11-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Hey, sorry for the delayed reply, Pete. I got a little bit behind in my replies. Been writing quite a bit lately...

    That does in no way mean that I don't appreciate your readership, and your exceptional six star rating. That's very kind of you, and I'm really happy to know that you enjoyed it.

    Take care, my friend...
    ~Dean
Comment by
Zinnia48
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is is terrific. Your use of language is clear and concise--no spare words anywhere! I particularly like that you allowed the characters to tell the story. Caroline


 Comment Written 11-May-2015



reply by the author on 15-May-2015
    Hey, sorry for the delayed reply, Zinnia. I got a little bit behind in my replies. I've been dong quite a bit of writing lately...

    However, that does in no way means that I don't appreciate your readership, and your exceptional six star rating. That's very kind of you, and I'm really happy to know that you enjoyed it.

    Take care, my friend...
    ~Dean
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