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Reviews from
Ghosts of Humanity


A disqualified, different kind of ghost story...

  40 total reviews 
Comment by
RGstar
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  17
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  Rank:  99
 
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''Along with us to haunt it''


I would take away the capital here Dean and add comma or hyphon to the sentence preceeding it then run it on. You could also use it where it is, but as a conditional, meaning it would be the first half of a new sentence when adding the closing clause.
I understand that you want to umpact the statement, but it jumped out at me instantly.

Examples
Only battered rock and the stars above remain - along with us to haunt it.''
or
''Only battered rock and the stars above remain...along with us to haunt it.''

Nothing major..just a suggestion.

This one, Deano, lost me a little as to what happened or why he was still alive and she not...as well as the fact that I thought all should be destroyed...or is he also a ghost?
Maybe just me, on this one. I thought it started as a normal story that I almost forgot you are the master of horror. I thought the horror sequence came in so abruptly it almost seemed a story in two halfs, yet, no gettting away from the quality of your story telling skills.

Perhaps just me on this one.
Best wishes,
RG


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
    Thanks, Roy, and I made some edits just prior to the contest beginning to clarify some of those issues you've addressed in your review. I very much appreciate you taking time out to read the story. ~Dean
Comment by
Michaelk
 
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You know, stories like this often make me wonder how many near misses with catastrophe we've had as a planet where the governments withheld that there was any danger.
(Yes, I watched 'Armageddon' last week)
This story is horrifying on several levels.

The fact that the government would hide such information.

The fact that a wife would be unable to live with her husband alone for the rest of her life.

The husband living so much in the past that he's not even living anymore.

And of course, sleeping with a corpse.

Well crafted tale with a twist on a twist.



'My generator engages (its) auto shut down'



 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thanks, Michaelk. I appreciate your review. ~Dean
Comment by
evilynne
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So that's the story that all the fuss was about! Disqualified or not, it is an excellent piece of writing which deserves recognition. Six stars I don't have at this time, though. Evi


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thanks, Evi. I always appreciate your review just the same, my friend. ~Dean
Comment by
lakeport
 
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Ghosts of humanity, indeed the Ghosts seem to have taken over, That's an emotional story. Thanks for sharing it, God bless you. Lakeport.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thanks, lakeport. I appreciate your review. ~Dean

reply by lakeport on 13-Jun-2015
    you are very welcome,lakeport.
Comment by
ravenblack
 
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What, no rattling chains, lightning-contorted shadows or deathly moans? For shame! I, for one, appreciate thinking outside the box, pushing the boundaries. God knows, you can write traditional ghost stories in your sleep and here you were challenging yourself. Isn't that one of the things that this site is all about? What can be more haunting than a ghost in the machine, humanity wiped out and he clinging to her remains. Sorry committee, this is a ghost story. As for being punished for pushing the boundaries, I know the feeling. Excellent story.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Nope, none of the above, Ed. No coffins or crumbling family crypts. No cemeteries, ravens or moans in the darkness. The fact that the whole world (almost) has been reduced to phantoms seems to have made little difference where the "esteemed" Contest Committee is concerned. Not to mention the lines where Lionel's beloved Alyse "beckons him." I don't know about you, but I haven't seen a corpse "beckon" much of anything, except in a couple of movies. And if I did, I wouldn't be sticking around too long to find out what it wanted.

    Ah well. You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but I just can't seem to please that damned committee.

    Go figure...

    Thanks a million for reviewing this. As always, your insight and feedback is important to me.
    ~Dean
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  93
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  Rank:  25
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  Rank:  24
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  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  Rank:  22
 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
It is a really good tale. I like the flash back, and multiple endings, one real, one imagined. Yes, I guess it's not really a ghost story in the classic sense, but the character is haunted by his own personal ghosts. Well done.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
    Thank you very much, Lance, for both the six stars and great feedback. All are sincerely appreciated. ~Dean :}
Comment by
justafan
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  Rank:  289
 
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62 and still learning:) You played with me like a yo-yo... Up and then down. Excellent adventure this morning. I loved this as I love everything you do.

Always justafan,
Missy


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thanks, Missy. I really appreciate you having a go at this.
    The esteemed committee didn't think too much of it. They disqualified me from the contest, claiming that it wasn't a "ghost story." You can read all the sordid details on my profile page if you have a mind to.
    Thanks again for commenting.
    Much obliged, my friend.
    ~Dean ;}
Comment by
livelylinda
 
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Dean: Well, you've done it again . . . creepy on a whole new level. It seems just science fiction until you slipped into bed with the dead wife . . . whoa! Six virtual stars for you today. Linda


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thanks, Linda, and I'm really glad you liked the story. A virtual six is good 'nuff for me, my dear, and I thank you kindly for it!
    ~Dean ;}
Comment by
CD Richards
 
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  Rank:  165
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I've just read some of the ongoing discussion about this, and the rejected competition entry. As the world's biggest skeptic, I find the very idea of trying to define what a "real" ghost is quite ironic!

Nevertheless, this was quite a haunting tale, as usual. And really well written, as usual. Thanks for sharing, Dean.
Craig


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thank you, Craig. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story. I'm very happy to know that you enjoyed it.
    ~Dean
Comment by
2014 Script Writer Of The Year
Tomes Johnston
 
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This is yet another interesting and fascinating post that the author has created with this piece of work. This is a great post indeed. I like the information at the end and U will now be able to identify what kind of comet us coming. Well done yet again.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2015



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
    Thank you for your comments, Tomes, as well as taking the time to read it. ~Dean
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