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Reviews from
Mood Wrung


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  20 total reviews 
Comment by
writeapoem
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What a great biographical poem. I cannot believe you wrote from your phone remarkable feat. The flow of the poem and its contents romantic with a touch of family written withing the lines and one of the best of all time.


 Comment Written 30-Mar-2017



reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
    writeapoem, I apologize for just responding to this wonderful review. I am not on here much and have actually just returned. Thank you ever so much for reading an older work which paid you nothing to read. This is very humbling. Absolutely and undeniably.. again a big thank you... jlsavell

reply by writeapoem on 20-May-2017
    Your welcome I too am here sporadically between mission works abroad. Your work old and new are great.
Comment by
I am Cat
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
First off, I'm just so overwrought that I don't have a six star rating to give you for a piece that so richly deserves it... I was struck, first by the poetic beauty of this piece and then... the sheer emotional impact of it. Wow! I'm just blown away.

These are my thoughts as I went through it:

The day growing lazy,
yearning to pull its shades
across the beckoning twilght
Its silver haze imbued
with a tinge of grapefruit hues
just at the hem
of the remaining day's garment
Ombre in graduated form

(as an artist, I appreciated this on the sheer beauty of colors you've described... leaving the reader in this lovely state of being... )

Twilight evokes tranquility;
a time of reflection,
calming pensive moodiness

We sat outside, the two of us
in this evening's breeze
I say breeze;
it was more like a soft teasing kiss;
seductive, gentle, and comforting

(and as we go along... still, we are unassuming... unknowing, and unwatchful of what is coming, as we are just loving the feeling of this poem...)

I sat in a lotus pose
His child, his only child,
sweet and affectionate,
reclined lazily at my feet
Her energy, her spirit
as sweet as golden honey,
like her fur

(and we see... oh, you're holding a pet...)

Still in my posture,
she mimicked my state
The Northern Star began to wink
like an S.O.S. - perhaps God's message
Talk my child, talk, I will listen
I wanted to talk, to wring my worries,
to salve my hurt;
here beneath the southern pines
in which the slightest winds
played the leaves in dulcet scales
with symphonic finesse
Her sweet brown eyes met mine
as if to say you're not crazy,
just human

(what? what is this feeling of dis-ease we're starting to feel is coming now?)

Her master's friend
doesn't know me,
but she boldly declared,
"Keep that bitch away from her.
She will kill her!"
I ruminate over this remark,
trying to shove it down
where the excrement of life resides

(this is the only part which confuses me a bit... of just who is talking... but it matters not, for the mood is wrung, indeed!)

Across the far horizon
fly the black birds
Ravens perhaps,
but one missing in formation;
for she sits before me
squawking judgement
while a cross dangles from her wing

(and here it comes... ominous)

I was six, shy, timid, and scared
Lenny was my heart,
even when his heart
and his brains were
splattered across my gingham dress
My soul murdered with a shovel of evil

(omg... and my heart sank... and I wanted to reach for that child)

Scattered membranes
like gobs of red/yellow goo
clung to my flesh like ticks
He, this brut-
my Mother's needed husband,
rotund and red-faced
aglow with evil satisfaction
His big toothy grin spoke,
"Clean it up... and the garden too!"

(oh, and then, I wanted to smack this man... how very well you described... 'my mother's needed husband"... that told us all we needed to know about him... and her)

With little hands and dry tears, I did
He slaughtered innocence that day
My heart was interred with Lenny
and memories chiseled
in a non-existent headstone
All creatures great and small
are held there, not too close,
not too far
My spirit pounds beneath the earth
pulsating, a throbbing ache in my temporal lobe

(oh and mine throbs with you Jimi... right now)

The dusk has given its charge
to the black-velvet texture of the night
The Northern Star twinkles brighter
I rise from my position, take a deep breath
and exhale,
along with the long held rush of tears
in which those unfounded words
ripped a festuring wound

(this just breaks my heart... told with such courage and humanity... and such raw edges... we all cut ourselves on them as we read... and we bleed tears)

My sweet friend rises to my hips,
licks my hands wet with tears
I think God listens
My mood wrung,
wrung from a day's clutch

(wow. This is just so powerful and lovely... and i can't tell you how it speaks to my soul. I feel honored to have read these words and you can bet that I will be fanning you... I hope that is ok with you... you write with such loveliness... and truth, I want to be a part of that. Well done. And congratulations on this nomination... Well deserved. VERY much so.)

Cat



 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015



reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
    I am Cat,

    What an exceptional review!

    My best friend, he thinks I am way too emotional in my poetry. His words sting a little, but poetry takes life in all its province.

    Too much sweet stuff out there, trite where man has gone before. Poetry can ve beautiful even if it is tragic, or sad. It's emotive and it shares a human experience other than roses are red, violets are blue,. At least that is how I see it.

    This is a completely true story.

    The friend of her masters made a bad error in judgement. She doesn't know me, yet when confronted she has yet to apologize and that's okay. I accept it.

    But hey, thank you ever so much.

    I am truly humbled.

    Jimi
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  91
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Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  47
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I've spent quite a bit of time over this weekend reading and thinking about this month's nominees for Poem of the Month. I keep coming back to this one. It is haunting in its intensity. The contrast between the two halves makes the emotional impact of the childhood trauma all the more vivid and sickening. I would go line by line on this but you would get thoroughly fed-up with the fulsome praise. It seems churlish to mention grammar in the context of such good writing, but 'flies the blackbirds' should be 'fly the black birds'. I have separated black birds for I feel sure that you are speaking here of the colour rather than the species - especially with the line that follows. In my two years on the site, I have rarely read poetry that bleeds emotion onto the page with such poetic control. Truly marvellous, Jimi.


 Comment Written 18-Oct-2015



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
    tfawcus,

    There is not much I can say. I am extremely honored and humbled by this review and by your becoming my fan. Absolutely and undeniably.
    Thank you Jimi
Comment by
w.j.debi
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  42 (+2)
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Review Stars
  Rank:  134
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is heart wrenching. What a cruel thing to do to a child and the pet she loves.
-You nailed the emotion elements.
-Excellent descriptions. I can imagine the shy child and the look of disbelief and loss on her face.
-Excellent symbolism with the raven and the cross in its wing passing judgement.
-I really like the description of the breeze as a soft teasing kiss as the speaker begins to reminisce.
-I feel the disapproval and revulsion of

this brut-
my Mother's needed husband,
rotund and red-faced

Excellent write!

I am glad the poem was nominated for poem of the month so I got a chance to read it. I missed it when you posted it.

Best of luck Jimi!


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2015



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
    Another huge huge thank you.

    Tou know there are just some things that are so painful , that we do bury them so deep.
    I have a great affection and awe struck wonder fir animals. They seem, also, to be drawn to me, but I don't own one. I want too, but I jyst can't. My roommate and good friend has thus sweet dog, Emmy. She hangs around me like a vad habit. I do nothing special for her . Meaning mothing her master doesn't do, but sge sticks to me like glue.

    The piem stemmed from a remark by a woman who doesn't kniw ne at all. Clearly, I don't let strangers wrought ne emotionally over such caustic comments, but this did something to me in which I cannot describe fully. Thank you so very much.

    Jimi

    I am so honored you are a fan.

Comment by
Patti R.
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow.
A very raw and deep-seated telling of an obviously traumatic and horrible thing for a child to experience!
Your easy, flowing poem draws this reader along - a seemingly lovely domestic scene turned bad, very bad.
I am sorry that you've had to carry this with you.
Many of us have horrors we lock behind a door, but never forget.

Gorgeous poetry.

Good luck in the contest.

Patti


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2015



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
    Patti R. Wiw, I am truly honored, truly.

    This Is as gut real and as honest as it can get.

    I don't own an y animals because I can't bring myself to.

    My roommate has Emmy. She's a beautiful dog and she follows me around like we are best buddies. I guess we are. I dont do anything super special for her except talk talk, talk.

    This topic is painful. A total stranger whom I would normally ignore the ignorance made the unkind statenent and it caused a great deal of pain because of my past.

    Thank you so much for your wonderful review and the stars.

    Jlsavell

Comment by
The Mom/DarleneThomson
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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WOW!! I was gently floating along all tranquil in your poem being soothed by your words. Then splat it turned to my mood to downtrodden and sad. You sure can write.


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2015



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
    THE Mom aka Darlene,

    I am so very honored you have become a fan. So very honored. Thank you so much!

    Jlsavell
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  68
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
jlsavell

Amazing how you described the darkening mood of a child with your very descriptive adjective and stirring verbs.

The closure of your poem was very emotional to me.

Gert


 Comment Written 28-Sep-2015



reply by the author on 28-Sep-2015
    I am truly humbled by your review. I am so glad we are fans.

    Jimi

reply by Gert sherwood on 29-Sep-2015
    Good day jlsavell

    Yes it's a pleasure to know you.

    Gert
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
Premier Author
Some people dre...
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  16
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  87
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Whether or not one uses color, pictures, any other devices readily at their disposal is completely a matter of choice, Jimi. You've chosen not to, that's fine--none needed. If the writing is as articulately expressed and gut wrenching, genuinely raw and as powerful as this is, picture or not, it still hits home.

The words--our thoughts that we wish to express--should ALWAYS come first, before any pictures are ever contemplated.

The final reveal that Lenny was a dog, or some sort of pet--was a bit of a shocker - I was not expecting that...at all.


Well done free verse...

~Dean


 Comment Written 28-Sep-2015



reply by the author on 28-Sep-2015
    Thank you so very much Dean. Just purging that is all. I appreciate your time and your encouraging. comments

    Jimi

reply by Dean Kuch on 28-Sep-2015
    Just purging!? I wish my work came out as eloquently and well written as this poem when I did likewise, Jimi.

    It usually comes out looking something like this: @$!! *&@^%$. *&!??, LOL.

    You're very welcome. :} ~Dean
Comment by
artemis53
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
It didn't need a pic or color. It was enough. My emotions ran the gamut with this one, jimi and I wanted justice for you, a child with a mind that was mutilated by an aberration of civilization. I can feel the choking in my throat. Excellent.


 Comment Written 28-Sep-2015



reply by the author on 28-Sep-2015
    Diane, thank you ever so much. A catharsis. Plucking blood stained branding thorns with the comforting strokes of a keyboard. Again, a huge thank you.

    Jimi
Comment by
Domino 2
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi, 'Miss Wordy', Jimi, ;-)

3rd line should be, 'twilight'.

7th stanza, maybe, 'declares' to retain present tense.

WOW - so many excellent poetic devices in this top free verse, especially alliteration - abundant without being overdone.

The final gory twist 'got' me, as I realised Lenny is a pet dog, heartlessly killed - well, I hope I got it right...I just read again, and the 'fur' is a dead giveaway. ;-)

Loads of brilliant (though sometimes distressing) imagery, dramatic metaphors and word choices.

Top free verse that deserves a sixer in my book, Jimi.

Best wishes, Ray xx





 Comment Written 28-Sep-2015



reply by the author on 28-Sep-2015
    I remember the words of Domino! "Boy, Jimi, can you natter!"

    Well it's a good thing we are a distant couple..lol... I would never let you get a word in otherwise! You'd be putting a sedative in my Crown Royal just so you could write a poem! Lol.. thank you ever so much my dear friend and oft times confidente.

    Jimi

reply by Domino 2 on 28-Sep-2015
    To 'natter' a lot is sure better than embarrassing boring silences in real life, Jimi. :-)

    What's a 'Crown Royal'? Is it some form of NON-alcoholic boring tea, or something? LOL.

    Thanks for your great fun reply, my lovely friend.

    Ray xx

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