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Reviews from

Contest entry

  32 total reviews 
Comment by
Review Stars
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I love this story! I like that quiet horror that is just on the edge of normal. There is that moment when we look at a child and just wonder what they are thinking!
I haven't posted much horror here, but this gives me a little encouragement to try. I'd appreciate it if you would read "Minding the Past" for me and give me an honest review from a horror writer, please.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2018

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
    Thank you very much! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, I haven't been on fanstory for quite a while.
Comment by
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
The idea wasn't bad.
Early on it thought that red and cooed were a little overdone.
I didn't think Ron would refer to them living in the country, when speaking to his wife. That was for the reader's benefit, but I thought it could have been done more subtly.
With the reference to Cindy coming down steps I wasn't sure if she was indoors or outdoors, perhaps 'stairs' would have been clearer.
It became clear, as soon as we knew Diane was the second wife, and pregnant, that the person on the other end of the toy phone line was Cindy's mother. Unfortunately, Cindy's attitude telegraphed that 'Mommy' would persuade her to do something terrible - and what is more terrible than killing a pregnant woman?
All in all, I thought it was a little uneven, sorry.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

reply by the author on 02-Sep-2017
    Thank you for your review. No need to be sorry. If there's something that seems off to you, the only way I'll know is if you tell me. I appreciate your candor. I'll look at those spots.
Comment by
Review Stars
This work has reached the exceptional level
Easy to see why you won the contest. Very scary and well written. The twists and turns kept coming. Congradulations on a well deserved win.

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
    Thank you so much for your great review, six star rating, and congratulations. Much appreciated.
Comment by
Mark Valentine
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  126
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Novels
Script Rating
Review Stars
  Rank:  159
This work has reached the exceptional level
Congrats on this well-deserved win - what a riveting story. You really are a master at foreshadowing - starting with the blood red sun, then letting that image just sit there and moving on to the "Have you ever been bad?" line - at that point, there's still a chance (for those who haven't read your stories) that all will end well - then all hell breaks loose.

The other thing I like about these stories is that they're not just horrifying, they're disturbing, which adds an extra dimension to them.

 Comment Written 16-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
    Thank you very much, Mark, for your awesome review, six stars, and kinds words. You're right, you never can tell when one of my stories is going to head south. Quite honestly I like writing disturbing more than horrifying. Disturbing makes the reader think more, and that's when a story is truly successful, if it makes the reader think.
    Thank you so much for your support, and the congrats. This is my first ever Fanstory sponsored contest win. :)
Comment by
Review Stars
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oh, yuck!!! Well done! A well deserved win.

Picky bits:
" Unfortunately there's no...." - ' Too bad there aren't any...' would be more conversational. Also, maybe add a tag, as it's getting hard to follow?

"Cindy, I'm your father..." sentence is a comma splice. Either use ; or break into two sentences.

"I love you, Daddy."(capitalize Daddy as it is used as a name. Probably also the following Princess.)

"Oh, okay. Goodnight (capitalize Daddy)"

Paragraph "I stepped into..." - Second sentence, delete extra space before the period.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
    Thank you so much for your awesome review and suggestions. This story ended up winning the Horror story contest. Thanks for your assistance. :)

reply by kathleenspalding on 28-Nov-2015
    You're welcome and congratulations on your win!
Comment by
I am Cat
Review Stars
This work has reached the exceptional level
Whoa!!!!!!! Jeeez, well... this is... yikes!
This is AWESOME! Awesomely disturbing, and yet so freaking cool!
Wow! You can really tell a tale, here Michael! Tell me why we aren't 'fans'?
You led me into this, and of course, with my past with my father, and this being called, "Daddy", I was really worried when it had a 'sexual' content warning, but hell, I purged ahead...thinking, well Cat, it doesn't ALWAYS have to be 'that' kind of sex, give it a chance. And I was right... it was the GOOD kind of sex. LOL
handcuffs, yeah, that kind of stuff... NOW we're talking. LOL

But freaky little kids talking on plastic phones wielding knives? Yeah, not exactly the sort of family you want to marry into... *insert that creepy sound they play from the shower scene of Psycho, right here*... yeah, that sort of thing...
stabbing over and over... your own kid? wow, that's a tough one... and yet, she survived?
What are the odds?
For me, it's REALLY easy to see how this won The Horror writing Contest... hard to think up something MORE horrific than your kid channeling your dead wife's voice on a plastic phone and attempting to kill you and your sex kitten new wife...

You're one sick puppy, Michael... (I happen to like that) ;)
So I'm on my way to 'fan' you.
Yeah, it's a character flaw in myself. go figure. lol
Well done, I loved this!
Can't wait to read more!
*insert that creepy stabbing music here again*

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
    Stabby stabby! :)
    Thanks a bunch for taking a peek into this sick, twisted little tale.
    Your review rocks! I especially liked the sound effects you added in. Now I won't be able to read this story without hearing the screaching Psycho music. :)
    Thanks so much for the six stars too. Yes, I am a sick puppy. :)
    Sorry it took so long to reply to this review.
Comment by

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 15-Nov-2015
    My most sincere and heartfelt thanks for this seven star rating. I am humbled and greatly appreciate this honor.
Comment by
Ric Myworld
Premier Author
Poet Rating
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  Rank:  689
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Thanks for the pleasure of reading your gripping and well written story. There are Chuckies and all kinds of scary creatures, but nothing compares with the madness coming from your own daughter. Great job, and good luck. :-)

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
    Thanks so much for your great review. You're right. The scariest monster of all is the innocent one that you never expect.
Comment by
Review Stars
This work has reached the exceptional level
Heh, that was pretty awesome Mikey. I was thoroughly entertained from beginning to end. Still haven't decided on if Daddy and Diane deserved that. Violent kids are pretty terrifying. At the end of the day, what can a reasonable mentally stable person do o.0 A super six, well earned.

Thoughts and impressions:

The blood red sun crested the mountain- there's an ill omen if ever i've read one o.0

Cindy- this name always makes me think of Cindy LooHoo from the Grinch

she was on a call- to her ghostly friend i'd wager

"Daddy, have you ever been bad?"- well, that's never a good sign o.0

she said, pulling the front of her robe open just an inch.- the mistress or the stepmom... likely victim i'm thinking. In more way than one >D

fruity puffs.- rip off brand. that'll make any kid go nuts

saw you spanking me?- lol -_-

"Cindy having a playmate.- oh boy. it's a boy... or a girl... bad either way i'm thinking

When her mom died- apparently mom didn't stay dead 0.o She's on the phone, calling from the grave hotline

"Your mom and I..." I began.- well that's your first mistake Daddy -_-

"Cindy, I'm your father, you can tell me anything." - well Daddy dearest, Mommy is calling from hell. She wants me to plug you full of bullet holes and sodomize your whore with a toilet plunger. What is sodomy Daddy?

"Have you ever done anything bad?" - Nope, i'm a saint and you should be too.

"I knew it!" Cindy yelled.- well, that's em-bare-assing

wrought-iron coffee table.- that house isn't kid friendly o.0 I bet something else unfriendly is within kid reach o.0

holding a knife.- wanna bet she disregarded the part of that statement that she didn't need. the 'along as no one gets hurt' bit

It's just your imagination.- Daddy can hear his daughter's imagination? weird

She was sick..."- hmm... I wonder, was she sick or did he really off her for an upgrade o.0

what was left of Diane- lol -_- that bondage backfired

The toy phone lay in pieces.- ah you got me. I figured he stabbed Diane to incriminate himself and protect his daughter, even after this craziness.

Daddy' and 'Diane' standing over 'Mommy- still wondering if he offed her or if the malevolent spirit haunting his daughter is manipulating her to think so

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
    Wow! As usual, your reviews are amazing. I love the thought by thought approach you take. It so much more insight into the feelings of the reader. I'll say it again, you should write some short humor stories or poems. You've got the dry sense of humor, I've seen it in your reviews.
    Thanks a million for another magnificent review. And yes, I left it ambiguous on purpose as to whether Ron murdered his wife or not.

reply by Razaz3l on 07-Nov-2015
    Sure thing man. If my every spare moment weren't dedicated to telling the Drakoryan Legacy story, i'd give humorous short stories a go. For now, have to settle for what I can get into DL and reviews -_-

    I don't think Ron did it. Something malicious is manipulating his daughter I think.
Comment by
Premier Author
Author Rating For Short Works
Review Stars
This work has reached the exceptional level
Cindy scares me. Even after six months at Larsan Mental Institute, she is still talking to Mommy on the phone. She tells her father, 'Mommy wants to talk to you.' What will Ron hear when he takes the phone from Cindy, and put it to his ear? Silence or Mommy's voice? I love your stories. Their endings always leave me with lot of questions.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2015

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
    Thanks so much, Sandra, for your awesome review and six star rating. Greatly appreciated. I'm glad to see you got so much into the story.
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