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Reviews from
Life, Love, and Other Disasters


A collection of poems on these themes

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
 
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
Well, when kiwisteveh is told to "Write about this", it is quite obvious that he takes it to heart, and very seriously.

Needless to say, I detected the nod in meter, composition, and flow to Poe's classic piece, "The Raven", here. Anyone who hasn't either isn't reading it or has never read, "The Raven," or Poe, for that matter.

Much would be the pity...
 photo cooltext209677030516723_zpsoxkddo0w.png


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Well I obviously couldn't slip ol' Edgar Allen past you. This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.'

    Thanks for the great review.

    Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 16-Oct-2016
    My pleasure, Steve. It's an excellent piece.
    ~Dean
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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 Rank:  4
 
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#5 Ranked Novelist

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Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
I enjoyed reading this poem/story contest entry. The descriptions were absolutely perfect. I saw this was a repost so I am guessing this contest is over.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Thanks, Barbara.

    This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' The rhyme and stanza structure is borrowed from Poe's 'The Raven'.

    Steve
Comment by
Just2Write
 
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
You've done a great job with the provided picture - and a with a re-make of Poe's Classic - the Raven, no less. I think this image was used for a Sonnet Contest a year or so back. I loved how you let your imagination run wild here, and how you spun this rather bizarre picture into a very intriguing story. I hope that the authorities have the right perp - it seems this poor fellow doesn't remember what happened.
You leave us wondering on many points - just the way a good story should be told.
Excellent work here, Steve - Good luck in the contest.
Rose.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Thanks, Rose.

    I was experimenting with Poe's rhyme and stanza structure - it was exquisite torture!

    This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' It took out second place in a Story in a Poem contest - pipped by an even better story from Brook.

    Steve

reply by Just2Write on 16-Oct-2016
    I remember Brooke expressing some very exasperating comments about that bit of artwork. I have also written a couple of poems using that distinct rhythm of Poe's. Each was an exquisitely painful challenge - but writing to such a distinct meter can only improve one's skills. R.
Comment by
Ogden
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
Scrupulously written, with clever rhyming, vocabulary, and Raven-ish meter, and a deliciously Poe-ish atmosphere and tale.

Reincarnation? Welcome back, Ed!

Don


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Thank you!

    This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' The rhyme and stanza structure is borrowed from Poe's 'The Raven', which you spotted of course.

    Steve
Comment by
2021 Novelist of the Year
Pantygynt
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  Rank:  14
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
This is a fantastic feast of feminine rhyme and flows like a white water rafting stream rushing down a mountainside. It also flows like Poe's famous raven using the same meter, trochaic octameter over five lines emulating the raven precisely, right down to the curtailed sixth line, of each stanza in trochaic tetrameter. The somewhat macabre nature of the content, resulting from this ekphrastic contest, the drowned woman also echoes another of Poe's famous pieces Annabelle Lee.

This was a thoroughly enjoyable experience, but you really cannot expect a six on a Saturday.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Thanks, Gynt.

    This is a revived piece from a couple of years ago. I used to have a note on it about borrowing Poe's rhyme and stanza structure, but I've removed all the notes from pieces I've put in this new 'book.' I concluded from the experiment that Poe was a genius - as if we didn't know that already!

    Steve
Comment by
William Ross
 
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
very good on write about this, lots of great rhyming and some double rhyming on the lines. I great read and write on this , wish I really had a 6 left to give on this wonderful piece. have a great day.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Thanks, William - glad you enjoyed.

    Steve
Comment by
rama devi
 
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 Rank:  291
 
Excellent
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
This was such fun to read aloud, dear Steve. Great internal rhyme and creative rhymes and slant rhymes. (Love debt and Juliet--inventive slant rhyme!) Great pacing and rhythmic groove, though a couple of scansion issues are noted below. Great poetic devices. Great descriptive detail, emotional energy and satirical wit.

This would be a six if I had one, in spite of nits.


Especially enjoyed these lines:


How the heart is frail and tender and how quickly we surrender,
for when love calls, no defender can escape that silken net;
there's no palisade or rampart that will stand when so beset,
though this path may find regret.

AND

Through the ether it goes winging, I can hear the sound of ringing,
but no softly-tempered singing of an angel do I get;

and


And the bruising they'd detected meant a murder was suspected,
could it be some drug injected, could have killed my Juliet?

and


From my grief, policemen shake me, to a prison cell they take me,
where they try their best to break me using smile and guile and threat.

and

Lying stricken, broken-hearted, through my fevered brain there darted,
bolts of grief for my departed love, the murdered Juliet.
A stormy sea of sorrow wraps in shades of deepest jet
all my thoughts of Juliet.



The above are my faorite parts for either wit or phonetics or inventive rhymes or all of the above.

Nit notes (Using prose spag rules, which I think serve the prose-like storytelling style but your commas made for pause effect are acceptable...these are just suggestions):


*
and the bones of last night's trouble,(no ,) for that crumpled serviette;

*
Then there comes a whoop of pleasure,(--) I have found the missing treasure,


*Scansion forced on eagerly:

While my heart begins to caper, eagerly I grasp the paper,

*This line seems to be missing a beat:

as my fears slowly taper that I've lost my Juliet,

Maybe add 'now' between fears and slowly or find a three-syllable synonym for slowly.


*
In a reverie or dreaming,(no ,) of the thoughts that then come teeming,
suddenly(,) I hear a screaming - in my mind it echoes yet;

*
just as if some terror fleeing,(no ,) or by evil all beset,

*scansion forced on palette:

and her skin a ghastly colour from the Devil's own palette;


*
Now my memory is taunting of that night so deeply haunting,(;)
no explanation can I give for clothes found wringing wet.

Hilarious it in the closing and fantastic rhyming too:

By nightmares dark, afflicted, as a monster I'm depicted;
in a week I stand convicted and the sentence has been set.
Tomorrow ends my sorrow for I'll die without regret -
to reclaim my Juliet.


Loved reading this aloud!


Warmly, r d


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Rama, thanks for the excellent review and the virtual six.

    This one was from a couple of years ago, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' The rhyme and stanza structure is borrowed from Poe's 'The Raven'. I remember this placed second in a Story in a Poem contest. Brook won it with an even better yarn!

    I'm off to take a look at those pesky commas. The scansion on 'palette' is down to my pronunciation with the stress on the second syllable. The other one I'll look at fixing...

    Steve

reply by rama devi on 16-Oct-2016
    Congrats on second place. It's superb. I believe that word needs a stress on first syllable but it's possible both ways are correct. Glad you found the review helpful. :)

    Big warm smiles, rd
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
 
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Rating of Chapter 18 -
Juliet
A very well-written poem and interpretation of the artwork. The murder of a beloved one, it seems the one that says he loved her, was the very one who took her life, and he will soon join her in the afterlife.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Rama, thanks for the excellent review and the virtual six.

    This one was from a couple of years ago, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' The rhyme and stanza structure is borrowed from Poe's 'The Raven'. I remember this placed second in a Story in a Poem contest. Brook won it with an even better yarn!

    I'm off to take a look at those pesky commas. The scansion on 'palette' is down to my pronunciation with the stress on the second syllable. The other one I'll look at fixing...

    Steve

reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016
    Sorry, Sandra - I've posted a reply to somebody else into your box by mistake. Thank you very much for your review, too!

    Steve

reply by Sandra du Plessis on 16-Oct-2016
    No problem.
Comment by
I am Cat
 
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Excellent
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Rating of Prologue -
Crucible
Well done, Steve,
And I'm pleased you've put some poems together into book form. i"ll be looking over them soon, I hope.
I loved this. It is a great introduction.
Good job
Cat


 Comment Written 10-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
    Thanks, Cat.

    I had fun rummaging through my old pages and even surprised myself with some of the pieces I found.

    Steve
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
 
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Rating of Prologue -
Crucible
Best wishes on this project, my friend. A well written piece for the prologue. You are an excellent poet and I hope to read more. I will fan you, but may not be able to read everything~Debbie


 Comment Written 10-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2016
    Thanks, Debbie and thanks for becoming a fan. I hope you'll excuse me for not returning the compliment - I hat having my Inbox overflowing with messages.

    The poems for this book are already written and in place - they are a selection of some of my better pieces from the last few years.

    Steve
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