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Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Last Light"

All rhymes, but different flavors of rhyme

  36 total reviews 
Comment by
expired: papa
 
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A simple twilight in November claims
An earlier repose than August climes,
So I appraise the ebbing dusk-lit fire
By resting on a slick, half-sunken tire
And, in the lonesome glow, I catch the flames
Within my mind, to save for darker times.

Yeah, dark times, dark times. I get it.


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2005


Comment by
ScarletAffliction
 
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You wouldn't believe me but I was reading a poetry that was similar to this scheme (but not exactly) and I was thinking I'd give it a shot but it looked entirely too difficult! lol! You've done a beautiful job with it and the poem resonates with the echoes of the ocean. Love the beach poems.


 Comment Written 11-Nov-2005


Comment by
Storyweaver
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is excellent! The imagery, the thought process, the rhyme scheme...the entire presentation and emotional response is just perfect!
Wow!
G.


 Comment Written 10-Nov-2005


Comment by
Kongi
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
In clarity, language, imagery, flow, rhyme and even rhythm, this piece excels. Don't want to sound maudlin, but this is the best poem I have been priviledged to read on this site....yet (and that includes a few of your other works I have seen). "...I catch the flames within my mind, to save for darker times". This phrase here hit hard. It is powerful inspiration. Wonderful effort altogether.


 Comment Written 10-Nov-2005


Comment by
TillMcCauley
 
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Once again Marillion, nice work. I enjoyed this poem very much.
Your use of description, and imagery were great.
Keep up the good work.

Till McCauley :)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 10-Nov-2005


Comment by
Donaya Haymond
 
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Ahh, it's good to read some more of marvelous Marillion again. "I catch the flames within my mind to hold them for darker times" was a beautiful image. You have never disappointed me, and I doubt you ever will.


 Comment Written 10-Nov-2005


Comment by
Stained_Reverie
 
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Very awesome piece here! The very line caught my attention and held it throughout the entire piece. Your use of descriptive language keeps the poem strong!


 Comment Written 09-Nov-2005


Comment by
Sissy
 
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Hey David,

You know, I think the last piece I read before this was "Biblical Advances,' which made me fall down laughing, and then I came here and just...sighed. (Good sighing, not the rolling the eyes kind!)

I orchestrate my mind, astride the breeze,
Skip thoughts atop the waves to feel them rise,
And hide within the tide that brims the coast.

I'd read this earlier today, while at lunch, and wanted to look at it again later.

After rereading tonight, I realized the three lines above described today for me. Obviously, I wasn't at the ocean, but going out on a limb, I compared this to my afternoon; sitting on my youngest horse, in the rain, letting him do his thing, while I contemplated decisions. There's a serenity in riding for me, (like the ocean for you?) that lets me think things out and let them go. (As long as I'm not in the process of getting bucked off, then the thought process is shot to hell!)

Thanks for sharing this and putting into words what I never could!

Sissy


 Comment Written 09-Nov-2005


Comment by
Thumbelina
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi David. How are you?

Wow. This is really good.

It's full of great lines. My two favorites are:
"An orange-sherbet bauble, set to drop" -I liked that one alot.
"Exhausted, daylight cracks, a door to shut." - I liked this one too. the proper placement of the commas makes me pause just at the right times and take a breath. I think if you didn't put the commas it wouldn't read well.
Ah! But it does! :)

I enjoyed this one very much. -Mary


 Comment Written 09-Nov-2005


Comment by
Green Peg
 
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Hi Marillion, ooh to bring the "Last Light" in your poem
of the Emerald Isle setting sunset,I get a very vivid image
of the flamed spun orange splashed across the sky
aah peaceful journey thank you for sharing
Take care
Green Peg


 Comment Written 09-Nov-2005


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