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Reviews from
Dark Covenant


Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Demon At Large"

The Berwick Witches Series: Book One

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
Jean Lutz
 
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Compelling chapter. This is not a genre that I often read -- yet I know it is a very popular one. Also I know there are realms that I have not encountered. I may have asked you before -- do you follow Anne Rice on Facebook? She often gives encouragement to new writers. Also shares much about herself.


 Comment Written 07-Jan-2016



reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016
    Thank you, Jean and no, I haven't heard of Ann Rice. You know I have a posted chapter that's $1.20. The one you just read is only two cents.

reply by Jean Lutz on 07-Jan-2016
    2 cents in FS money. Much higher in my value system.:-)
Comment by
fafa
 
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A hospital that receives a patients' unusualquantity with unusual complaints, theconvergence of the supernatural thing inthe history, speech of the presence ofsomething slightly usual, perhaps demonsaltering the well-being, good presentation,congratulated it, greetings


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2015
    Thank you for stopping by.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  91
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  Rank:  68
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  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  59
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
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Hi Amahra, lovely writing and the story is really taking off. It kept me quite spellbound. I was very pleased with the synopsis as it refreshed my memory. All best. Ulla


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
krprice
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Karl's eyelids. . . Since Detectives. . . delete 'that'.

Read through and delete any 'that's' in sentences. If it reads just as good without the 'that', delete it.

Suggest change: Karl's sister-in-law. . . waited patiently

Ward told. . . Jessie,
He told. . . its (no apostrophe)
Overuse of 'told' in paragraph.

An editor told me to avoid using semi-colons. Change them to commas.
In a series of words, phrases, and clauses, put a comma before the last 'and'.

Good chapter.

Karlene


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much for reviewing and for editing my work. I'll make the correction.
Comment by
chcbeck
 
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This piece kept me hooked, the synopsis really helped being a newbie. The piece is well balanced, the ending is brilliant, overall a really enjoyable read. Look forward to reading more of your work.


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2015

    thank you.
Comment by
barkingdog
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2013 #2 Ranked Novelist
 
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Jewel did her little hypnosis on the manager, and Ward got into Karl's apartment to collect several personal items for Jewel's next bit of magic that hopefully will catch Jesse to bring Karl back from near death.
I thought he needed Jesse's personal things for Jewel's locator spell, but Ward keeps wanting into Karl's apartment. I was a little confused as to why he wanted Ward's things.

:) e


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015
    "First, let?s find Jessie. I can cast a locator spell. Is there any way you can get me something that belongs to him: a hair brush, sock, shirt, anything?"

    "I know where he lived, but don't know if I can get into his apartment without his key. I'm not a relative, so I don't think the manager will let me in."
    It was Jessie's apartment, but Ward lied and said he needed to get into Jessie's apartment to get some things that his nephew Karl had left in the apartment. But Karl left nothing in Jessie's apartment. Those things Ward took belong to Jessie.
    Okay? Thank you for reviewing and sorry you got confused.
Comment by
2014 Script Writer Of The Year
Tomes Johnston
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This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is not my usual genre of reading, but it was interesting and read well. well done.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much Tomes.
Comment by
William Ross
 
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very well written, I know I'm jumping in here but I find your writing excellent. what I read is just great, you capture the reader and carry him along,. well done hope to read more.


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015
    Thank you.
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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Very clever. She put a spell on the manager! LOL! Thanks for adding the synopsis. It did the trick and now I remember what was going on much better. And I hope you don't let Karl die. :)


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Phyllis. At the end of the synopsis I had put, Phyllis made me write this, with a " laughing out loud symbol", but I wasn't sure if you'd think it was funny. So I removed it at the last minute of posting. LOL Oh and for Karl, well he's pretty banged up, but we'll see. I haven't read you yet because they made a mistake and blocked me from the site since yesterday. Something about my credit card company not notifying them or something. Anyway, I'm back.

reply by Phyllis Stewart on 17-Dec-2015
    You could have put my name in. LOL! I wouldn't care. I have a sense of humor. :)
Comment by
Jay Squires
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#7 Ranked Author
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A good chapter, Ama. It had been a while since I read your last chapter, so the synopsis does help. We saw a different side of Ward this time. Less confident and in control as he was when he was with Karl and Jessie.

People were basically very health conscious [very health-conscious]

. A fat chubby man opened it [Suggest you choose "fat" or "chubby" but not both. They are almost synonymous. ]

Hahaha! That Jewel is something else!


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 17-Dec-2015
    Thanks Jay. Already corrected 'fat and chubby' due to an earlier review. But will correct health-conscious. That was Phyllis' idea about the synopsis.
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