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Reviews from
Assembly Line


A repeated day for life

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
Relda Halbert
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  Rank:  81
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Checking in again. This is a great analogy. Fifty words. Good grief that's hard to do. But very nice job you did.

The sense of endless repetition and being chained to the process is perfectly captured.

Very nice job.

Relda


 Comment Written 21-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 21-Apr-2016
    Hi. Thanks.. I'm glad you enjoyed Assembly Line. I'm also glad you decided to visit my profile page and read some of my other works.

    Thanks again!
Comment by
amada
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  Rank:  93
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  Rank:  71
 
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This is such a compelling story. I am I missed because in only 50 words the reader can comprehend the story of many persons, human being who live with us and we don't see them.


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
    amada - Thank you for the excellent review. I hope you read my other writings.

    Happy Holidays!
Comment by
Brett Matthew West
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  Rank:  235
 
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Well written poem depicting the plight of so many common workers in mills, and factories, warehouses, and other Blue Collar lines.

Same old, same old.

Day in and day out.

Just to keep living.



 Comment Written 13-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Thank you for the excellent review!

    Happy Holidays!
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  22
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  Rank:  73
 
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This is an interesting 50-word story that describes the plight of the assembly-line worker--probably becoming passé as robotics will relieve them of the repetitive work that deadens the brain. Then a new problem will arise--what will those displaced workers do to support themselves? Another dilemma! Your little story goes beyond the challenge of this prompt, which you have expressed so well. Food for thought and perhaps the topic of a future essay. Marilyn


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Thank You!
Comment by
frogbook
 
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All of the entries in this contest are great and this is certainly no exception. So much said in the 50 words. Best of luck with this great story.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Thank you for the Excellent presentation! Thank you for the good luck wish.
Comment by
zanya
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  Rank:  106 (+3)
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  Rank:  94
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  Rank:  39
 
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The never-ending physical repetitiveness of many of life's activities well portrayed here within the confines of the 50 word guideline - one sometimes wonders how far we have come as a species


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Thank you for the excellent review. "The never-ending physical repetitiveness of many life's activities". inspired my work.

    Happy Holidays!
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
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  Rank:  61
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 Rank:  151
 
Excellent
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This is a good entry for the contest. Captures the POV and characterization and conveys a message in only 50 words. However, while it is one of the better written entries to this contest, it lacks the basic building blocks of a story plot (Conflict/resolution). It's an observational commentary but not a 'story'.

Further critique--

*
Among fifty others, my day begins -- bending back and forth, lifting up and down, and the backs of many have broken.

The opening line is quite a run on sentence, especially for micro fiction. I suggest making it two sentences:


Among fifty others, my day begins -- bending back and forth, lifting up and down. The backs of many have broken.

The second paragraph is superb, as the pacing reflects the rhythm of a clock, thus metaphorically, in a concrete voicing manner, illustrates what it depicts:

The bell rings, and I know my day is over. The doors lock, and I know my way back home. The sunrise, and I live the same day again.

The closing note is effective.

This is a strong contender for my vote, in spite of there being no conflict resolution. (Not easy to accomplish in 50 words).

Well done.
Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Thanks rama for the excellent review and critique. Point well made and advice is taken for future projects.

    Happy Holidays!

reply by rama devi on 13-Dec-2015
    :-)))

reply by rama devi on 13-Dec-2015
    PS Happy Holidays to you too!

reply by rama devi on 13-Dec-2015
    Made a second review and upgrade...here it is: Second review

    Excellent edits! I think Cat gave great advice regarding the use of NOW and your changes are super!

    My only critique now is that, since you've used punctuation elsewhere, there needs to be a period at the end (or an ellipses if you prefer, for dramatic effect).

reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Is this message meant for me?

reply by rama devi on 13-Dec-2015
    NOpe! No idea how it ended up in your thing, except my pages are loading slowly so must be a glitch! Sorry! :)

reply by Anonymous Member on 15-Dec-2015
    Is this message meant for me?

reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
    I didn't send that to you...that is a message sent to me. How did you get it>

reply by rama devi on 15-Dec-2015
    I wrote the message to someone else and the system sent it to you accidentally. It was not a message written to you. Please forget about it. :)

reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
    I know why I got...u sent it to me when I was in the contest. Contestants are anonymous during the contest
Comment by
PoemsOfDD
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  Rank:  410
 
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This is a good entry into the 50 Words writing prompt contest. You have described well the hum drum of a boring life on constant replay - Ground Hog Day. Very descriptive and effective. Thank goodness my life has more enjoyment. Well done and good luck in the competition.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2015
    Thank you for the excellent review and the well wishes!

    Happy Holidays
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
 
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Feeling tied down, over-worked and burdened by the nine-to-five grind does feel a lot like being imprisoned. That's why it is so essential that one works hard in school and gets exemplary grades, goes on to further their education by going to a college or university of higher learning to get a degree. That way, one wakes up doing what one loves to do for a living instead of what has to be done.

Excellent entry. Good luck in the booth!
~Dean


 Comment Written 12-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
    Thank you! Well said.

reply by Dean Kuch on 12-Dec-2015
    It was entirely my pleasure.
    ~Dean :)
Comment by
David Burchell
 
 
Excellent
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The tone is right for the topic: flat, unemotional but gives an accurate picture of tedium.
The drudgery of the assembly line leads into the monotony of the life led.


 Comment Written 12-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2015
    Thank you David for the excellent review. I am happy to know you felt the impact of the story.

    Happy Holidays
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