Status
New Here?
Fast! Three Questions.
Already a member?
Writing Classes
|
0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.
|
|
 |
Reviews from
One Good Turn
|
Two men with a common purpose...survival.
|
|
|
54 total reviews
|
Comment by | | | | | Review Stars
 | | | |
|
|
|
|
This is superb, Dean! I love when we get the opportunity to read your prose because it's every bit as exceptional as your poetry.
You did a fantastic job weaving suspense throughout the entire story so that I was waiting on bated breath at the end of each sentence to see what was coming next. Your plot blended seamlessly with your subplot, creating a steady wave of tension and interest. And in typical Dean fashion, you marvelously combined horror and humor to make for a most entertaining read. Don't apologize for the long length (a man never should!); it read quickly and smoothly. Your ending was also fantastic! Your bi-narrative approach left much intrigue as to how it would end: which man would be left telling the final lines? Well done, my friend!
A couple of my favs:
"I envy the safety of their height--hanging high above this shit hole of a world gone berserk."
"Their incessant moaning is enough to drive a Tibetan Monk to scream, 'Silence!'"
"Sun's sinkin' kind'a low now, sittin' on the western horizon like a blazin' punkin squattin' to take a giant shit on the world."
A couple of SPAGs for you:
". . . and them damn things can't do a lot a' things but sniffin' us out ain't one of 'em." (can't/can)
"Cain't see much a' nothin', what with the damn fog out so thick this mormin'." (mormin'/mornin')
For a few paragraphs, starting with, "As I entered the coppice . . .," your tense switches back and forth from past to present. Maybe you intended it just this way, but thought I'd mention it, in case.
Anyway, great job, Dean! I think this is an exceptional story definitely worthy of the 6 stars I have to give it!
|
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015 |
|
|
| |
|
|
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
Thank you first and foremost for taking the time to read and review this, 'Spinner. I took a look at the passages you mentioned and made some edits to correct them. I hadn't even realized I'd made the tense switch, but it was there, just as you said. Hopefully it's all been corrected now.
This story was over two months in the making. Lots of late-night editing, rewrites and plotting the story line to create a bit of a twist at the end with a plausible conclusion. Not an easy thing to do when you're writing a story about the zombie apocalypse, heh-heh.
Again, I appreciate all of you constructive critique, along with the exceptional rating. It is reviews like yours, rife with enthusiasm, that makes me realize just why, exactly, I do this.
May your New Year be happy, and prosperous.
With gratitude,
~Dean :}
|
|
reply by wordspinner314 on 31-Dec-2015
You are most welcome,
my friend! Happy New Year!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | | | | Review Stars
| | | |
|
|
|
|
Dean:
I've never been a fan of the zombie genre, but I have been a fan of your writing. I've been gone a few weeks and was pleasantly surprised to read this story on my return.
It was incredibly entertaining. It kept me scrolling through to the end. It is a special talent to enthrall a reader that doesn't normally read the subject matter.
Now as you may remember, I am the one who usually gets my work dissected and corrected, but I actually found a typo or two in yours...
The beginning of the second part of Mr. Raskalov's portion, you added an r to the end of despite(r) as you know, I'm not the best in English class, but...I've never came across the word despiter.
And again; In the third scene with 'ol Raz, in the sporting goods store, he should have been squirted, (not squirting)...with the putrid liquid
Still a very nicely done piece in your indomitable style.
And happy new year.
JT
|
Comment Written 31-Dec-2015 |
|
|
| |
|
|
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
Hahaha, no, and neither have I, JT (LOL). This is what happens when you're given suggestions by someone and you edit your story on the "fly." Thanks for pointing those typos out for me. Hopefully I've got it all corrected now.
This story was two months in the making. A lot (and I do mean A LOT!) of late-night edits, rewrites and plotting to make an unbelievable scenario come together in a believable fashion at the conclusion. But when I receive a review and an exceptional rating like your, it makes all of the hard work and effort well worthwhile--whether or not I win or lose the contest.
Thanks so much again for your time and effort spent in reviewing this rather lengthy story. I do appreciate it.
I hope you and your family have a happy, healthy and very prosperous new year.
~Dean
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | | | | Review Stars
| | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
 | Author Rating For Short Works
 | Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
| | | |
|
|
|
|
You clever, clever man! Love the ending, didn't see that one coming! Love the humor you have added as well! I didn't expect to have a chance with my short little piece, but after reading this one lol! Hats off to you my friend! I will hone my craft and become a bit competitive before this is over with lol!
God bless my friend! I absolutely enjoyed this piece.
Steve
|
Comment Written 30-Dec-2015 |
|
|
| |
|
|
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
Thanks, Steve. I read your story, remember? I think t has an excellent chance--as good as any other. Length does not always translate to a win.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on this.
It is appreciated.
Happy trails to you in 2016, and beyond...
~Dean
|
|
reply by Neonewman on 31-Dec-2015
Always a pleasure Dean! I agree with the length thing, but damn your style is impeccable my friend!
God bless!
Steve
|
|
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
Well, I'm really glad you think so, my friend. LOL. Opinions do vary greatly here where that's concerned.
Thanks again! ;}
|
|
reply by Neonewman on 31-Dec-2015
Well you know the old saying about Opinions lol!
|
|
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
Hahaha, yeah, I sure do, Steve. Heh-heh... :D
|
| |
reply by Neonewman on 31-Dec-2015
|
|
reply by Anonymous Member on 02-Jan-2016
Well you know the old saying about Opinions lol!
|
| |
reply by Anonymous Member on 02-Jan-2016
|
|
reply by Anonymous Member on 03-Jan-2016
Always a pleasure Dean! I agree with the length thing, but damn your style is impeccable my friend!
God bless!
Steve
|
|
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016
Thanks again, Steve. I kinda like your style as well. :)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 56 | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 65  (+1) | Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
Rank: 52 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | | | | Review Stars
| | | |
|
|
|
|
Hi Dean, lying in bed reading this and there's a smell of coffee wafting in through the window, anything to do with you? A riveting read, well written and it kept me engrossed to the end. A typo my friend, you,ve got liters of water, should be litres. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
|
Comment Written 30-Dec-2015 |
|
|
| |
|
|
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
Thanks a million for pointing that error out to me, John, I appreciate it. But here in the US, it is spelled LITERS as the alternative you've mentioned is chiefly British. I looked it up on dictionary.com to be sure.
I also appreciate the time you've invested in reading this story. I do realize it's quite lengthy, hence the high member dollars assigned to read and review it.
Thanks so much again.
Here's hoping you have a happy, healthy and very prosperous 2016.
~Dean
|
|
reply by MacMhuirich on 30-Dec-2015
We have the same language, but different :0
Have a great New Year, may it be jolly sand prosperous. At the stroke of midnight do you let the zombies feast???
|
|
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
Heck no, John! I hide in my bomb shelter and tell everyone to wake me when the screamin' stops!
You have a great New Year too, my friend.
~Dean
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
| Author Rating For Novels
| Script Rating
| Review Stars
| | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by| 2019 Script Writer of the Year | | | | | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 25 | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 10 | Author Rating For Novels
Rank: 16 | Script Rating
Rank: 5 | Review Stars
Rank: 12 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Up For ReviewStand Out WritingAdditional Reading
