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Reviews from
One Good Turn


Two men with a common purpose...survival.

  54 total reviews 
Comment by
wordspinner314
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is superb, Dean! I love when we get the opportunity to read your prose because it's every bit as exceptional as your poetry.

You did a fantastic job weaving suspense throughout the entire story so that I was waiting on bated breath at the end of each sentence to see what was coming next. Your plot blended seamlessly with your subplot, creating a steady wave of tension and interest. And in typical Dean fashion, you marvelously combined horror and humor to make for a most entertaining read. Don't apologize for the long length (a man never should!); it read quickly and smoothly. Your ending was also fantastic! Your bi-narrative approach left much intrigue as to how it would end: which man would be left telling the final lines? Well done, my friend!

A couple of my favs:

"I envy the safety of their height--hanging high above this shit hole of a world gone berserk."

"Their incessant moaning is enough to drive a Tibetan Monk to scream, 'Silence!'"

"Sun's sinkin' kind'a low now, sittin' on the western horizon like a blazin' punkin squattin' to take a giant shit on the world."

A couple of SPAGs for you:

". . . and them damn things can't do a lot a' things but sniffin' us out ain't one of 'em." (can't/can)

"Cain't see much a' nothin', what with the damn fog out so thick this mormin'." (mormin'/mornin')

For a few paragraphs, starting with, "As I entered the coppice . . .," your tense switches back and forth from past to present. Maybe you intended it just this way, but thought I'd mention it, in case.

Anyway, great job, Dean! I think this is an exceptional story definitely worthy of the 6 stars I have to give it!



 Comment Written 31-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Thank you first and foremost for taking the time to read and review this, 'Spinner. I took a look at the passages you mentioned and made some edits to correct them. I hadn't even realized I'd made the tense switch, but it was there, just as you said. Hopefully it's all been corrected now.
    This story was over two months in the making. Lots of late-night editing, rewrites and plotting the story line to create a bit of a twist at the end with a plausible conclusion. Not an easy thing to do when you're writing a story about the zombie apocalypse, heh-heh.

    Again, I appreciate all of you constructive critique, along with the exceptional rating. It is reviews like yours, rife with enthusiasm, that makes me realize just why, exactly, I do this.
    May your New Year be happy, and prosperous.
    With gratitude,
    ~Dean :}

reply by wordspinner314 on 31-Dec-2015
    You are most welcome,
    my friend! Happy New Year!
Comment by
JTStone
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Dean:
I've never been a fan of the zombie genre, but I have been a fan of your writing. I've been gone a few weeks and was pleasantly surprised to read this story on my return.
It was incredibly entertaining. It kept me scrolling through to the end. It is a special talent to enthrall a reader that doesn't normally read the subject matter.
Now as you may remember, I am the one who usually gets my work dissected and corrected, but I actually found a typo or two in yours...
The beginning of the second part of Mr. Raskalov's portion, you added an r to the end of despite(r) as you know, I'm not the best in English class, but...I've never came across the word despiter.
And again; In the third scene with 'ol Raz, in the sporting goods store, he should have been squirted, (not squirting)...with the putrid liquid
Still a very nicely done piece in your indomitable style.
And happy new year.
JT


 Comment Written 31-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Hahaha, no, and neither have I, JT (LOL). This is what happens when you're given suggestions by someone and you edit your story on the "fly." Thanks for pointing those typos out for me. Hopefully I've got it all corrected now.
    This story was two months in the making. A lot (and I do mean A LOT!) of late-night edits, rewrites and plotting to make an unbelievable scenario come together in a believable fashion at the conclusion. But when I receive a review and an exceptional rating like your, it makes all of the hard work and effort well worthwhile--whether or not I win or lose the contest.
    Thanks so much again for your time and effort spent in reviewing this rather lengthy story. I do appreciate it.
    I hope you and your family have a happy, healthy and very prosperous new year.
    ~Dean
Comment by
TomyKan
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I loved this, Dean, in spite of the length. Very descriptive language, and a wierd sense of humour (I liked that). Well done.


 Comment Written 31-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Thank you, Tomy. I am really pleased to know that you enjoyed this story.
    This was two months in the making. A lot (and I do mean A LOT!) of late-night edits, rewrites and plotting to make an unbelievable scenario come together in a believable fashion at the conclusion. But when I receive a review and an exceptional rating like your, it makes all of the hard work and effort well worthwhile--whether or not I win or lose the contest.
    Thanks so much again for your time and effort spent in reviewing this rather lengthy story. I do appreciate it.
    I hope you and your family have a happy, healthy and very prosperous new year.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Neonewman
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  336
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  128
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You clever, clever man! Love the ending, didn't see that one coming! Love the humor you have added as well! I didn't expect to have a chance with my short little piece, but after reading this one lol! Hats off to you my friend! I will hone my craft and become a bit competitive before this is over with lol!
God bless my friend! I absolutely enjoyed this piece.
Steve


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Steve. I read your story, remember? I think t has an excellent chance--as good as any other. Length does not always translate to a win.
    Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on this.
    It is appreciated.
    Happy trails to you in 2016, and beyond...
    ~Dean

reply by Neonewman on 31-Dec-2015
    Always a pleasure Dean! I agree with the length thing, but damn your style is impeccable my friend!
    God bless!
    Steve

reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Well, I'm really glad you think so, my friend. LOL. Opinions do vary greatly here where that's concerned.
    Thanks again! ;}

reply by Neonewman on 31-Dec-2015
    Well you know the old saying about Opinions lol!

reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Hahaha, yeah, I sure do, Steve. Heh-heh... :D

reply by Neonewman on 31-Dec-2015
    LOL!

reply by Anonymous Member on 02-Jan-2016
    Well you know the old saying about Opinions lol!

reply by Anonymous Member on 02-Jan-2016
    LOL!

reply by Anonymous Member on 03-Jan-2016
    Always a pleasure Dean! I agree with the length thing, but damn your style is impeccable my friend!
    God bless!
    Steve

reply by the author on 03-Jan-2016
    Thanks again, Steve. I kinda like your style as well. :)
Comment by
Unspoken94
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Terrific and very humorous story, Dean. The twists and turns of the
two main characters was fun to watch develop. I knew they would
end up in some sort of confrontation but your way of doing it was
excellent. I found no need of correction except perhaps with the phrase
"...to a scraping... I might have omitted the a in that phrase.
-Bill


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much for taking the time to read this rather lengthy story, Bill. I will definitely look into correcting that line...if I can find it, LOL.
    Thank you for the encouraging comments and the exceptional rating. This story was two months in the making. Lots of late night writing, editing and rewrites. But reviews like yours make all the hard work and effort worthwhile.
    Thanks again.
    Happy trails to you in 2016, and beyond.
    ~Dean
Comment by
nomi338
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  148
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  103
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent! I did not expect the ending that you came up with. It was clever and unexpected. This was a very good story, told from two conflicting points of view that wound up being in the same place at the same time on a unified mission. This is storytelling at its best. Bravo.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thank you Nomi. I'm very happy you enjoyed reading it. I realize it was rather long, but telling a story from two completely different perspectives took some plotting and careful planning to make it all reach an ironic yet believable conclusion.
    Thanks again for your kind comments.
    I hope you and your family have a very happy and prosperous new year.
    ~Dean

reply by nomi338 on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Dean. Reading your work is and has always been for me, pure pleasure. Be well and prosperous in the coming year

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    You do the same, Nomi.
    Thanks again.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Sasha
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  85
 

#5 Ranked Author
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I am not usually much of a zombie lover but you have done such a great job with this one I just might have to change my POV about them. This is superbly written and a terrific entry for this contest and I wish you all the best. I didn't think it was too long at all. Dynamite dialogue and awesome imagery too.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Sasha. Believe it or not, and contrary to popular opinion, I hate zombie stories--with the exception of one. The Walking Dead on AMC network is outstanding, and much, MUCH more than a tale about zombies.
    Thanks for the comments.
    Happy New year.
    ~Dean

reply by Sasha on 30-Dec-2015
    I haven't seen that one. I liked World War Z with Brad Pitt...at least the zombies could run in that one. Anyone can outrun those in the regular movies.

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Well, running for a corpse would be a bit unrealistic with rigor mortis setting in and all...just sayin'... ;)

reply by Sasha on 30-Dec-2015
    In hot weather rigor mortis disappears in about 12 hours, a bit longer in cold weather, so eventually they should be pretty agile and able to run marathons...LOL

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Yay! (let's hope we never find out, lol)... ;)
Comment by
MacMhuirich
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Dean, lying in bed reading this and there's a smell of coffee wafting in through the window, anything to do with you? A riveting read, well written and it kept me engrossed to the end. A typo my friend, you,ve got liters of water, should be litres. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks a million for pointing that error out to me, John, I appreciate it. But here in the US, it is spelled LITERS as the alternative you've mentioned is chiefly British. I looked it up on dictionary.com to be sure.
    I also appreciate the time you've invested in reading this story. I do realize it's quite lengthy, hence the high member dollars assigned to read and review it.
    Thanks so much again.
    Here's hoping you have a happy, healthy and very prosperous 2016.
    ~Dean

reply by MacMhuirich on 30-Dec-2015
    We have the same language, but different :0
    Have a great New Year, may it be jolly sand prosperous. At the stroke of midnight do you let the zombies feast???

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Heck no, John! I hide in my bomb shelter and tell everyone to wake me when the screamin' stops!
    You have a great New Year too, my friend.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Mark Valentine
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  115 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  34
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  Rank:  152
 

#6 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The length would have scared me off had it been written by anyone else, but I knew it would be worth the investment of time and it was. I love the device of having the narrator break through "the fourth wall". You switch back and forth between the two voices flawlessly. Jasper in particular sounds like a true-to-life double-wide denizen. He's got some great lines - just when you think that every possible way of describing a sunset has already been written, along comes "blazin' punkin squattin' to take a giant shit on the world" - Keats and Shelley are kicking themselves for not having thought of that.

The artwork is awesomely disturbing.

A great write Dean - Happy New Year!


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much, Mark. I'm really pleased to know that you enjoyed this story.
    This was two months in the making. A lot (and I do mean A LOT!) of late-night edits, rewrites and plotting to make an unbelievable scenario come together in a believable fashion at the conclusion. But when I receive a review and an exceptional rating like your, it makes all of the hard work and effort well worthwhile--whether or not I win or lose the contest.
    Thanks so much again for your time and effort spent in reviewing this rather lengthy story. I do appreciate it.
    I hope you and your family have a happy, healthy and very prosperous new year.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  41
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  60
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  21
Script Rating
  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  Rank:  42
 

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The analogies are killing me:..skunk's carcass dipped in pig feces
... shop vac suckin' up a bowl of grits...sun sinking like a giant pumpkin shitting on the world...
The observations are choice...making a Monk scream, "Silence!"...a whore's pubic hair shy of 24000...
The ending was classic and nicely arranged. In all, the narratives were supreme in their polar differences. The local yokel and the Paladin-like hit man were well voiced and revealed the separate characters.
There are a couple of nit-picky editing items and perhaps some tense shift that I only mention because the story is super in every way.
Great story, Dean.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2015
    Thanks a million, Bill. I am really pleased to know that you enjoyed this story.
    This was two months in the making. A lot (and I do mean A LOT!) of late-night edits, rewrites and plotting to make an unbelievable scenario come together in a believable fashion at the conclusion. But when I receive a review and an exceptional rating like your, it makes all of the hard work and effort well worthwhile--whether or not I win or lose the contest.
    Thanks so much again for your time and effort spent in reviewing this rather lengthy story. I do appreciate it.
    I hope you and your family have a happy, healthy and very prosperous new year.
    ~Dean
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