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Reviews from
One Good Turn


Two men with a common purpose...survival.

  54 total reviews 
Comment by
Linda Kay
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I love the voice you give your characters, Dean. I may look for occasions to quote some of Jasper's "red-neckisms." Narrating from both characters' point of views worked very well here, as always a creepy worthwhile read!


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Linda.
    I appreciate your comments.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Curly Girly
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
True DK style! Great artwork too.
One typo spotted:
It''s surely is a damn small world after all, ain't it?
Suggest:
It's surely is a damn small world after all, ain't it? [It's]
Happy New Year!


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thank you for pointing out that typo, Nichole. Contest time is almost here, so I obviously do not want any typos in the story when the CEC decides to review it for consideration.
    Thanks too for reading this rather lengthy post. I sincerely appreciate your time and effort spent reviewing this.
    ~Dean

reply by Curly Girly on 30-Dec-2015
    Good luck!
    :)

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thank you. I have a feeling I am going to need it, lol. :}
Comment by
barkingdog
Premier Author
2013 #2 Ranked Novelist
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Fine entry, Dean. Good luck in the contest.

Love the hillbilly accent, and you did a great job with colloquialisms, too. They add color to your survivor, Jasper, and pulled me into the story.

Raskalov learned the hard way ... never interrupt a fella on the can. LOL

As usual when a piece is good, I don't mind the length.

Happy New Year, Dean.

:) ellen xx


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    Thanks for taking the time to read this story, Ellen. It's been a bit of an anomaly, receiving everything from 3 star ratings to six. Those who have given the story less than five have claimed it feels too disjointed and is hard to tell when one character is speaking and the other begins.
    I felt it was pretty obvious, lol.
    Thanks for the sixer. I am really happy to know that you enjoyed it.
    Warmest wishes...
    ~Dean :)

reply by barkingdog on 29-Dec-2015
    It is obvious who is speaking by the divisions that you make as well as the dialect vs non-dialect and vocabulary. Your readers are unable to follow. Probably poets. LOL
    It could use a little faster pace. shorter phrases, etc at the end to show the speed of action. Other than that, it's perfect.
    POV is NOT a problem.

    :) e

reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    From someone who writes prose as often as you do, and are as talented as you are, I'll take your and Mastery's opinions over anyone else's any day. Mastery (Bob) said it was a masterpiece, and brilliant. Bob doesn't do fluff reviews. I know that all too well, and neither do you.

    Thanks again. I had to trim 1,700 words from this. As Stephen King would say, I "killed my darlings" in doing so.

    Thanks again, "e".
    ~Dean :)

reply by barkingdog on 29-Dec-2015
    You're welcome.
    If Bob liked it, you're set.
    :) e

reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    Well, and you too. Let's not forget you. :)

reply by barkingdog on 29-Dec-2015
    Big Smile! :) e
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Great story! You can definitely write. I must admit, I was at first put off by the dialogue, but once I got into it, I absolutely loved it. Where are you from? I'm from the south, and I don't think I could write a more authentic vernacular dialect.

As a side note, I read your story yesterday and did not have time to give it a proper review. When tried to grade it this morning, everything was garbled. Every apostrophe had been replaced with the letter A and your paragraphs were in terrible shape. One reviewer mentioned this in their comments, just so you know. It wasn't them, something went wacky.

Please consider this one example:

'The man I was sent to this asshole of the world to dispose of--one Jasper Creed--owes some very pissed-off peop with whom I am employed a great deal of money.' I don't know if you intended to use peop instead of people, but I don't believe so.

Really well done. Also, never apologize for writing a long story , as long as it's good. This one definitely is. Your such a good writer I'd love for you to take a look at some of my stories. No pressure.

All the best,
Russell


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Russell, and a fellow member was kind enough to let me know that something terrible had occurred in the formatting. It was fine one day, then Gremlins sneaked in and mucked it all up. I was almost an hour trying to correct it, and I still don't know what happened.
    I will become a fan of your so that anything you might post in the future will come to my inbox.
    Thanks so much for the fantastic review and complimentary comments.
    All my best to you in 2016, and beyond...
    ~Dean Kuch
Comment by
rtobaygo
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Good afternoon, Dean

Quite the read! The use of dialogue to mark a clear distinction between characters, was spot on. The visceral imagery within the scenes along with the characters' descriptions of the world they now have to live only enhanced the the dystopian world you created. Oh, by the way...nice twist at the end.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks so much for reading this rather lengthy story, Ray. I've been working on it off and on for the past two months as time permitted. Your affirming comments and exceptional rating make all the late-night edits, rewrites and prewrites well worth the effort, despite winning or losing the contest.
    I am very happy you enjoyed it, my friend.
    From my house to yours, Happy New Year, and thanks again!
    ~Dean
Comment by
doggymad
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there

hope you have survived the crazy season. I am just popping by to wish you a New Year.

Will be back reviewing properly after 1st January

hugs

Freda


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks, Freda. Yeah, we both made it through another entire year. This one wasn't easy for me. Perhaps 2016 will be better for the both of us.
    Happy New Year, and thanks again.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Treischel
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
It was a very long story with lots of gory details.cthe dialect was clever. It seemed hard to follow, and there were all those A marks everywhere. To tell the truth , the was it was structured, I got bored reading it and just couldn't wait until it ended. Seems like it needs more work,

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much for your candidness, Tom.
    To each their own, I suppose.
    Have yourself a happy new year.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Muffins
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The adventures of Mr. Jasper Creed is a mastery in the art of language, images and descriptions. This character is timeless and beautifully constructed. Writing dialect is difficult and can slide into stereotype( yawl, ain't, etc)
which sounds laughable to the ears. However, the reader eagerly anticipate every word coming out of Mr. Creed's mouth for the double meaning and colorful content.

This story lands a solid punch. Good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks so much for reading this rather lengthy story, Muffins. I've been working on it off and on for the past two months as time permitted. Your affirming comments and exceptional rating make all the late-night edits, rewrites and prewrites that went into this story well worth the effort, despite winning or losing the contest.
    I am very happy you enjoyed it, my friend.
    From my house to yours, Happy New Year, and thanks again!
    ~Dean
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
ghouls milling about aisle by isle, (aisle by aisle)

excellent story, Dean. This ones got to be a winner. Great writing in his dialect--that is so hard to do, but you make it look easy. He's quite a character. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2015
    Thanks so much for reading this rather lengthy story, Debbie, and for pointing out my typo s well. I should know better than that by now, lol.
    I've been working on this story off and on for the past two months as time permitted. Your affirming comments and exceptional rating make all the late-night edits, rewrites and prewrites well worth the effort, despite winning or losing the contest.
    I am very happy you enjoyed it, my friend.
    From my house to yours, Happy New Year, and thanks again!
    ~Dean
Comment by
c_lucas
 
Review Stars
  
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A wee bit of an observation. "When writing in the first person point of view, try to keep the I's to a minimum." I like the way you can work your way into a story. Good luck in your contest.


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015
    Thank you, Charlie. I will take that advice into consideration, my friend.
    Thank you for reading and commenting on the story. I'll try to replace or get rid of some of those "I's" before contest time.
    Happy New Year.
    ~Dean
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