You do realize, don't you, that ladies are delicate, fluffy creatures who like romantic movies? That's the buzz around the office anyway.
No worries. I think that prefer ladies like this. My wife can be a bit of a tomboy as well as the most adorable lady that I know. I love her both ways.
You can never get enough of Die Hard. This is really good. Excellent flow was some well written descriptions that really place the reader within the story. A little disappointed that the main character kills herself, but we are talking zombies here, what else can you do? A great entry for the contest and good luck.
I often marvel at your vivid imagination, and this posting certainly made me think about it again. I loved many of your metaphors. Exceptional.
For me, this would make a great movie - and although you state that it was Die-Hard that was on your mind - I also saw bits of Kingsman (with the exploding heads) and I Am Legend with the references to the 'Zombies' being created through disease.
I'm glad that you didn't have the protagonist 'eat' Leila. That would have been harsh. But - hey... A zombie's gotta do, what a zombie's gotta do.
You gave the male character the name Adam - so it would be appropriate for him to have told it to Gran when they first met. Somewhere in the paragraph:
"Just making small talk mum. If you want to live you'd better come with me." Touching Leila on the shoulder he motioned us to follow him. "What's your name, mister" asked Leila. He replied, 'Adam." I didn't like the idea of our joining up with anyone, but I knew I was turning and would soon pose more danger to Leila than any smooth talking stranger.
It looks as though Adam might be planning a new start with Leila in his own Garden of Eden. Was that your subliminal message - or am I reading something into the story that was not there?
I only spotted one minor nit:
Just making small talk[,] mum (add comma)
Cant beat Die Hard movie any time of year, Gloria. Loved your zombie story...one of the best Ive read. It seemed rather realistic to me with the mention of the apocalypse. Your descriptive details provided strong imagery!
"Yipee Ki Yay!" and Happy New Year! 8-)
Liked the story and liked how you put the reference's in there with the die hard and Loved that Movie, also like how you put in the smoke and the haze from the get go get that in there LOL thanks again for the read and Happy writing. Great flow wouldn't change a thing.
This is a fun story that has it all, blood and guts and a great lead heroine. Your descriptions are great, my favourite, "pinwheel fireworks, green slime spewed everywhere." Your ending is such fun, and your heroine a wonderful role model. Hey, you've created a new "Wonder Woman." She's everything that a superhero needs, gutsy, fearless and protective of the good.
Best of luck in the contest.
Happy New Year!
First of all, you are great writer. Your story is filled with memorable descriptive moments.
I am having a moment here where I am questioning my suggestions. Please consider the following and let me know if I am way off base or there are optional ways to do introductory and conditional clauses.
'When I was young I'd never much cared for zombies as they seemed like a kindergarten boogeyman, but when they reached our paradise island fifty years after the invasion I learned to fear them.' When I was young, I'd... when... after the invasion, I learned...
'At the edge of the scum pond Leila put her hand down to touch the surface.' A comma after 'pond'
'If it hadn't been for the ants crawling under my skin and a strange appetite for carrion I could've pretended the attack never happened.' Comma after carrion.
'When shadows cast small beneath our feet we stopped for lunch under a dwarfed cedar bush.' Comma after 'feet'
' If it weren't for the baby I would've offed myself right at the beginning.' Comma after baby.
'That was a flat-out lie but I was getting a kick out of playing John McClane's, Die Hard to the nth degree.' Comma between lie and but.
If I am wrong, I will gladly change my rating to five stars.
Oh my , I believe I am too old to watch movies like Die Hard. It is not really my thing. I don't want watching zombies and see them eating rotting flesh. I would rather watch Peter Pan, the fairies and other benign enchanted beings. Thanks anyway for sharing. May Jesus bless you.