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Reviews from
Dark Covenant

Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Necropolis"

The Berwick Witches Series: Book One

19 total reviews

Comment by

foreverbutterfly

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is the first of this genre I have read and I have to say I am pleasantly surprised. I can not say it is my favourite genre at the moment however it has showed that I want to go and read more. Starting with the rest of your work.

Comment Written 10-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 10-Jan-2016

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Comment by

foxangie123

Review Stars

Excellent

This should assuredly be made into a movie. I wish I had started at the beginning but I'm new so I didn't. Excellent job here. Wow. The reader wants more and more not wanting the story to be over. It is odd because your writing generates those feelings without me knowing all the history. That makes you a solid and great author indeed.

Comment Written 09-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 09-Jan-2016

First of all, welcome to fanstory. You will find that though this site may not be perfect, it is...by far...the best of its kind for sharpening your writing skills. There are some bozzos on here that will read you for the fake money, but also many that will care about your work and give you great feedback. I was not writing this well when I first started. Never let anyone give you less than 5 stars and not tell you what was wrong and how to fix it. That is a rule. So, thank you so much for this fine review. I will fan you so I can read your work also.

Comment by

pbroussard209

Review Stars

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

Awesome final chapter, I really enjoyed the excitement a and the danger surrounding this chapter. You ended it on a scary note, making me want to read the next book to see what is going to happen. Great job.

Comment Written 09-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 09-Jan-2016

Oh, thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. I was going for two to three more chapters when my son suggested that I end it with this chapter, and I realized he was right. I was hoping my readers agreed.

Comment by

davisr (Rhonda)

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Rhonda

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Review Stars

Rank: 150

Excellent

This is a brilliant series that I kept up with for awhile, lost track of because I got so far behind on reviewing, and then went back and reread. I am so glad I did. This is a brilliant book that needs to be out and about where everyone in the "'outside world" can read.

I especially like this chapter because of the way you have amped up the suspense, and the ending is priceless! Hope to see you around,
Rhonda

Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016

Thank you, Rhonda.

Comment by

2019 Novelist of the Year

Ulla

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Rank: 78

(+2)

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Rank: 4

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Rank: 51

#4 Ranked Novelist

Excellent

This was a compelling read and I particularly liked the ending of this part. Very powerful. I will miss your writing and wish you all the best of luck with the publishing. Well done. At least we will see you here on FS when you review. All the best. Ulla:)

Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016

Than you very much, Ulla.

Comment by

Jay Squires

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Rank: 3

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Rank: 43

#3 Ranked Author

Excellent

Ama, you've written a fine novel here (or part I of it). Good luck with your editor and with publishing it. Congratulations.

A few things:

Karl coughed up a yellowish mucus; [Don't think the "a" belongs here. It begs "a yellowish mucus what?"]

he was tempted to plant a wet one on the lips of a cute nurse he'd seen on his way out, but thought better of it. [A cute line!]

Matthew stretched his eyes [I can't visualize this, Ama.]

Spark guns were their only means [By any means do you mean "flare guns"? Spark guns don't seem very effective.]

Whoa! What a cliffhanger of an ending.

Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 08-Jan-2016

Thanks, Jay. You and so many others on fanstory will help me give my editor a much cleaner copy then if I had never posted. I really appreciate you guys, Jay.

Comment by

Neonewman

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Excellent

Disturbingly wonderful my friend. Great ending to a great piece. Intriguing work, River was out numbered. "River's face dropped. "Holy, Mother of earth." Masterfully crafted my friend.
God bless!
Steve

Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016

Thank you, Neoneman.

reply by Neonewman on 07-Jan-2016

Absolutely!

reply by Anonymous Member on 12-Jan-2016

Absolutely!

Comment by

Selina Stambi

Review Stars

Excellent

A fascinating read, Harriett. Gruesomely compelling.

Question: is this stuff entirely from your imagination, or is there some source where you get your info. from? I'm curious to know how much fact is woven into fiction.

Best wishes with the editing, Aunty. I've been off site for ages. Nice to bump into you again.

Happy New Year.

Love,

Sonali :)

possessed Jessie is (holed?) up in or near

Doors swung (open), and each wolf

their only means of long distan(ce) communication

signal that Jessie (had been) found or that someone was in

The entrance was engulfed (by) impenetrable blackness

He and Dex carried old fashion(ed) bronze carbide

fashion bronze carbide lamps used decades (before) by

The red (no comma needed here) dirt path snaked a quarter of a mile into the (ground).

and just how far (the path went).

, they heard him (yell) (if he yelled it would be clear to them - better to drop 'clearly'), ("Cease your attack!")
River's boots (hit loose) stones that littered the

Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016

Thank you. Happy New to you also. Glad you're back. The answer to your question, my imagination...I didn't know you could go somewhere for this kind of stuff.

Comment by

chcbeck

Review Stars

Excellent

I have been looking out for a follow up and I certainly was not disappointed. The characters remain as relatable and I love the change in pace. A well written story sad to see it end.

Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016

Thank you, chcbeck.

Comment by

Jean Lutz

Review Stars

Excellent

Early in this chapter the brown stuff to bring up mucus sounded pretty good. With our hot one day and cold the next weather mucus is something we know plenty about down here. Then when I got to the other stuff I decided I would stick with Mucinex! Reminds me of the account in the Bible where Jesus cast demons out and they pleaded to inhabit pigs.

Comment Written 07-Jan-2016

reply by the author on 07-Jan-2016

Thank you, Jean. Yeah, that scripture is one of my favorite Jesus moments. :)

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