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Deadline: Jan 28th

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Deadline: Feb 2nd

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Reviews from
The Deception


The Deception

  26 total reviews 
Comment by
CALLAHANMR
 
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Hi Bob:)
I am concerned about your entry in this contest. One stated rule is: "New entries only." I think this would be considered an old entry, because essentially it is a repost of your book's chapter one.

I hope that I'm wrong, because this remains outstanding writing and would normally be very competitive.

I look forward to a new chapter.

Roger


 Comment Written 07-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2016
    Thanks, Roger. I had already decided to pull it down.. Thanks for our loyalty, mhy frirnd. Itwas quite an innocent mkistake. Blessings. Bob I Anewpost "revived wil be postyed soon asa a revived post. Blesisings. Bob
Comment by
JTStone
Premier Author
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Now wait a second...I remember this, this was the opening to your story.
It's a brilliant story, but When I saw the title I was hoping to move forward. Is there something in here I'm missing?
Please let me know, I'm somewhat invested in your tale.
Jimmy


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Sorry. Disabled
Comment by
Ric Myworld
 
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If this story doesn't break a reader's heart, then they don't have one. Children being sent away to live with foster parents, friends of the family, or whoever, was a regular occurrence back then, and from what I've been reading lately, it is happening more and more often these days when people can just no longer afford to take care of them. Thanks for another fine read. :-)


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Soory, Don. This has been disabled. Bob
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
Premier Author
 
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 Rank:  51
 
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I really liked reading this post but I know this story is a repost so I am not sure it should be entered in a contest. I guess since it's a short story about the novel, but will it be added to the novel?


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Sorry, Barbara. this has been disabled. Bob
Comment by
doggymad
 
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A well written account of this event as remembered by you. Some days leave their mark on you for life, this had to be one of them.

I do hope that you are going to continue with the story shortly.

hugs
Freda


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Hi, Freda. They say I am duplicating. This has been disabled. Bob

reply by doggymad on 07-Feb-2016
    oh no sorry to hear that Bob
    hugs
    Freda
Comment by
seaglass
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  176
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  Rank:  626
 
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I'm confused, I know I reviewed this before. Anyway, it is very well written. The thoughts and feelings of a small boy are conveyed. Description of the characters is very good and the scene is easy to imagine.


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Thanks, Carolyn. You have read it before and it has been disabled . Sorry. Bob
Comment by
ciliverde
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  Rank:  450
 
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Non-fiction...and so heart wrenching. I don't know if I'd have the strength to send my children away...or maybe it took great strength to do just that. Your descriptions are so very powerful - the bleached prune face of Mrs. Kellogg, the grandmother's face without her teeth, the appearance of anger instead of deep grief, the mother's big-boned figure in her shapeless dress, shaking with sobs.
This is so deeply tragic, Bob, very effective writing. I wonder who Joey was/is? The scene in the house that day is etched in my mind...sadness so deep it feels like a memory of my own.
Carol


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Hi, Carol. Theyare telling me this is a duplication. It has been disabled. by me. Bob
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
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Bob, this is quite excellent, although I have read and reviewed it before when you listed it as fiction in the first chapter of your revived novel. Your writing is masterful, vivid, and emotional, as always, but it is quite a stretch submitting this in a non-fiction contest.

In addition, the rules state new writing only. Given that this appeared two years ago and you revived it last month, it is highly likely that it will be disqualified from the contest.

Although your writing is better than many of entries in the non-fiction contest, by submitting a fiction story you previously posted you missed the mark. One of the things I strive to do as a storyteller is to gauge which contests I have a chance of winning. I read those rules closely to decrease disqualifications.

Keep up with your masterful writing. You are among the writers whose work I most enjoy on FanStory.


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Yes, You have. The Stranger has been disabled by me. Sorry. Bob
Comment by
dragonpoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  54
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  Rank:  64
 
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I think I've read this already, though it's odd that I didn't comment on it. Or did you rewrite it and repost under a different name. There seems to be some differences. I like the description of the mother's clothes to show how destitiute the war is making them. It is very sad when a family has to be broken up like this in order to survive.

Is this autobiogragphical since it is in the non-fiction contest or something that happened to neighbors.

Good luck in the contest.

Keep writing.

Joan


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Hi, Joan. sorry. this has been disabled by me. Bob

reply by dragonpoet on 07-Feb-2016
    That's ok.

    Joan
Comment by
jmdg1954
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  353
 
Excellent
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Bob, I've missed so many chapters of your book I don't feel it's right to read and collect. I saw this non-fiction post and jumped in.

What a sad story. I'm sure it happened more then we know due to WWII. The dialogue was moving and the pace was perfect. Being a parent did I ever feel for Alice.

As written in your fashion... Nicely composed. John


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2016



reply by the author on 06-Feb-2016
    Hi, John. sorry, this short story has been disabled. by me. Bob
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