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Reviews from
2016


Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Kindred Spirits"

Various poems throughout the year

  32 total reviews 
Comment by
poetbear
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Only you could do justice to blank verse.
Masterful write.
Flows and reads well.
Many will be touched and inspired by it.
Incredibly lovely.


 Comment Written 09-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 10-Jul-2016
    Thanks so much, Maddy, for this excellent review. I appreciate your very kind comments.
    Ray
Comment by
Lovinia
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Ray

Of course, it wasn't good enough for me to just congratulate you on your page. I've drawn this up to read a number of times, and have only just managed it. Always late, it seems. :) So sorry.

The committee has made a perfect choice, and that's without reading any others. I've come to realise I don't like all blank verse, only that which is written so well. In perfect form as far as I can see, though I'm no expert with meter as you know. Oh Gosh!! Did I hear a whisper that the next potlatch challenge will be blank verse? YIKES!!!! LOL Well, no worries for you! *giggle*,

I won't look up my notes and go into the technique used here ... you know it well already. I will say a powerful poem with such strong emotion. A lovely tribute to your very private friend written by a wonderful friend. She must be over-awed by your care and support. Simply elegant and beauty in emotions and phrases. Outstanding without doubt! Congratulations on a fine WIN!!!!! Huge hugs and chocolate - Lovi xoxoxoox


 Comment Written 27-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
    Thanks so much, Lovi, for this wonderful review, your very kind,supportive comments and the many bright stars. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my bv poem. I'm looking forward to reading the one you submit for Potlatch! :-)
    -Ray

reply by Lovinia on 30-Jun-2016
    Hi Ray

    My pleasure, you do these so well. I'm a bit relieved we're having some more iambic pentameter before BV ... I was getting hot under the collar just thinking about it. LOL Take care. Huge hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment by
catch22
Level 7 Pro
 
Poet Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  293
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a tremendous piece of blank verse and a well deserved win in the contest. You kept all the individual sonnets coherent around the theme of admiration for a fellow poet friend. The iambic meter was excellent and you managed to give theveryone lines a classic feel with dramatic language. Excellent work and congrats on your win!


 Comment Written 26-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
    Thanks so much for this very generous review and your affirming comments. I'm delighted you enjoyed my BV poem. Also, thank you for the many bright stars!
    Ray

reply by catch22 on 29-Jun-2016
    You're very welcome and most deserving.
Comment by
penelopehart
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Such love.
Lovely musings on love. The Sonnet is the perfect form for love musings isn't it? The form itself creates flowers of ponderings, just thinking about love and here there's the fluid link of these expressions with that last line, first line ploy.
Congratulations on your winning the contest.


 Comment Written 26-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
    Thanks so much for this excellent review.
    Ray
Comment by
Contests
 
 

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.


 Comment Written 26-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
    Thanks so much to the Committee for this exceptional review and awarding my entry with the Blue Ribbon. I'm thrilled!
    -Ray
Comment by
I am Cat
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello A,
I think that perhaps no one does this better than you do... a lucky person, this poet of whom you write...
these lines, most especially, show such tenderness of friendship and understand, and show your prowess of writing as well:

While pond'ring words to comfort friend's distress,
I pause and sip red wine and think of her
and all she faces in the midst of life's
e'er fluid pages where the ink's not dry.
She is a poet of the grandest sort!
Her soft aesthetics weave a tapestry
of beauty as her verse flows forth in time
with lyrics' score as she thus contemplates.
But there between the lines of her fine verse,
I sense the deeper meanings she imparts
of disappointments and uncertainty...
and angst of that which hovers, yet unseen.
Night's darkness is transcended by sun's rise
as she finds goodness in all things each day.

I just love that... well done,

I just wanted to award it with the highest of ratings... as it deserves.

I'm still at my mother's house, the funeral was yesterday... today, I spend time with my family to heal.
Hugs to you
Cat


 Comment Written 08-May-2016



reply by the author on 10-May-2016
    Thanks so much, C, for this very generous review and for sharing the lines you liked best. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my bv sonnet sequence. Thanks also for the many bright stars and affirming comments. :) I hope things are settling down for you.
    -A
Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  646
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow! I'm so impressed with your last three posts of two crown of sonnets and a BV sonnet suite, Ray! Such an outstanding poet. you are and your suberb talent shines with this suite for your dear friend. It's not surprising to me that you have friends all over the world. You have such a compassionate heart, and your verses give voice to your caring.

Your sonnets are without rhyme, contain perfect meter, are sprinkled with alliteration and other poetic devices, and your enjambment makes your words flow beautifully. Outstanding BV sonnets, with tender words of caring. PM. Best wishes in the contest to you!
Smiles,
Kar :-)


 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Kar, for this wonderful review and your comments. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my sonnets. Thanks also for the many stars and your continued support of my poetry.
    RR
Comment by
Just2Write
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A beautiful linking of six blank verse poems in Shakespearian Sonnet form. The bard himself would approved whole-heartedly of this fine offering, Ray.

I always admire how you can write such moving poems for a specific person - and that you often find the source of that inspiration right here at FS. Or, at least I believe this is dedicated to someone here at FS - unless you are linked to another group of talent that I don't know about.

The poem is an excellent dedication, and leaves us guessing at who the person is that so inspires your muse. You give us hints, but keep the secret to yourself.


Sonnet 1:
We have talked about ellipsis, which can sometimes make a line 'feel' choppy.
There is a kindred spirit 'mongst we poets; (fem ending)
an easy thing to feel, but hard to voice

Perhaps:
There is kindred spirit amongst poets
a feeling that is shared, but hard to voice


The 'we' is conspiratorial, but it is hard to get it in there without sacrificing other critical syllables. Dropping it my hurt your final line in Sonnet VI, but to my eye it doesn't appear to. I leave that up to you.

Oh, how my poet does inspire with words

To my speech patterns, the hard 'does' sounds forced - Something that perhaps I am alone in thinking, but here's an alternate - yours to keep or kick:
Oh, how my poet friend inspires with words


and lovers whose young hearts that have been pierced
There are a lot of extra words in this line, I'm assuming for iambic reasons
(and, that, have, been)
Perhaps, something like:
and lovers whose young hearts were sorely pierced



Sonnet V

Her sleepless nights are known to but a few,
'tis then when she will pen resplendent verse.
(I don't mind the internal rhyme of then, when, pen and reSPLEN-dent but some purists might. To my eye it is beautiful assonance.
These lines really touched me - How in the night, and suffering, she turns her time of discomfort into something positive, and utilizes the time to give to others, and to share her poetry.

This is not a suggestion, but an offering of a non-internal-rhymed line, that might get your muse thinking of an alternate:
'tis then she writes her words in raptured verse.

All-in-all Ray, this is a beautiful poem for a beautiful person. Your Blank Verse is always so full of emotive thoughts and comes from the soul of a beautiful poet.
Rose. Thrice I said beautiful - and thrice I meant it.

Rose.





Sonnet VI
temperament - I don't think you need to add an ellipsis to shorten this word -
It is in dictionary.com as being either 3 or 4 syllables. Many folks would naturally read this as: tem-pra-ment, and carry on. Because your meter is established, it would be difficult for the mind of the reader to construe it as tem-per-a-ment. I defer to those who would disagree - but Shakespeare himself often used words
that could be spoken with their full syllable count, and then switch to using them with less. The word 'envious' comes to mind, as we have discussed from Romeo and Juliet. 'Env'yos and en-vi-ous.'













 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Rose, for this superb review and your many excellent suggestions. I will implement most of them, but can't quite bring myself to change line 1. I do so want to keep the 'we poets' in the line. I wish I could offer you a nomination, but I've used my six and already given you one this month. :( Thanks again for a grand review.
    Ray
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi, Ray,

This is a gorgeous sonnet sequence in blank verse. It is one of the most beautiful pieces of poetry I have ever read. I hope it is okay if I bookcase it. This is one I could read over and over again. It is so elegant and full of emotion. You are so very talented, my friend, and such an inspiration to me. Maybe in another 20 years, I can write something half this beautiful.

Have a wonderful night. Reading this has filled mine with joy~Debbie


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Debbie, for this very generous review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my sonnets. Your very kind words are so greatly appreciated. Thanks also for the many bright stars.
    Ray
Comment by
nancyjam
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  52
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  139
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Beautiful tribute to our friend.
You honor her with your tender thoughts
and compassion written into this well crafted
blank verse sonnet.
Nancy


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016
    Thanks so much, Nancy, for this excellent review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed my sonnets.
    Ray
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