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Reviews from
Bitter-Sweet Revenge


An Elizabethan Tragedy

  47 total reviews 
Comment by
Treischel
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A beautifully written tale of romance and tragedy is woven into the very fabric of this Crown of Heroic Sonnets. It flows smoothly and flawlessly upon the swell of iambic pentameter, as your character struggles with the ironies of life. You conveyed the tragic juxtaposition of love versus duty in flowing poetic imagery. Lots of alluring alliterations abound. I enjoyed this read very much and congratulate you for achieving this pinnacle of poetry. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 01-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
    Hi Treischel,
    thank you so much for reading my very long crown of sonnets. it is nice to know that you managed to read the whole thing before boredom set in. LOL
    It was a mammoth task but I did enjoy it and look forward to writing another.
    Thank you for the good luck wishes.
    Brenda:))x
Comment by
Susanne M. Psyris
 
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Excellent
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Truly an exhausting write for you, I am sure. Beautifully written and the content is wonderful. Very intriguing work. I wish you best of luck in the contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne


 Comment Written 31-May-2016



reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
    Hi Susanne,
    Thank you for your review. I do hope you will join us on the weekend. Details about the potlatch are on the challenge forum page.
    It is a real scream.
    Thank you again for reading.
    Brenda:))x

reply by Susanne M. Psyris on 01-Jun-2016
    Thanks for the invite Brenda. Still trying to navigate throughout the site. Will eventually find it, I am sure! lol God bless and hugs, Susanne

reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
    Hi Susanne, if you go to the community tab at the top of the page and click on there and click on forums in the drop down box you will find the challenge forum just over half way down the page click on to that and work your way through the posts all the info you need will be on there. if you get stuck give me a shout and i'll come rescue you. Brenda:))x

reply by Susanne M. Psyris on 01-Jun-2016
    Thanks so much, Brenda!!!! Going there now. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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  Rank:  21
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Excellent
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Ah, Brenda, you've done this form proud. I can't quite discern who he is speaking to though - is it his brother? Regardless, to use Olde English as you have is admirable; especially suited for the Crown of Heroic Sonnets, IMO.

The only suggestion I would make is to capitalize "God" in the second stanza, especially since you capitalize "Victory" in the next - seems to me they would go hand-in-hand, yes?

Well done - quite the effort, huh? LOL. Best of luck! You did wonderfully. I'd slap a six on this in a heartbeat if I had one! :)


 Comment Written 21-May-2016



reply by the author on 21-May-2016
    Hi Dawn,
    thank you so much for your kind review. I guess he was talking to an audience, i.e. members of his court. I sort of had a stage scene in my mind as I was writing it.

    Thank you for the "God" tip. I will go back and sort it. Not to worry about the six I am just pleased with the review.
    Thanks again.
    Brenda:))x

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 21-May-2016
    You're very welcome. It was a pleasure. :)
Comment by
mountainwriter49
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
HI, Brenda,

I apologize for not getting to this last week. I'm glad I could read it this evening.

Your crown is wonderful, well written and has spot-on iambics and expert use of enjambment. The theme of the crown is well developed. Importantly, the repeating lines do not feel repeated.

I did ind one minor SPAG in S-1 as noted below.

I found what appears to be a contest compliance concern as it relates to the rhyme patterns of each sonnet. It is my understanding the poet has flexibility in choosing the rhyme pattern to use, but once established in sonnet 1, it should be followed throughout the crown. I noted variations in the rhyme pattern in sonnets, 2, 3 and 7. 7 seems particularly problematic. Please see my notes below. May I suggest you speak with the contest sponsor about this. I would hate for this superb piece to be disqualified because of rhyme variance issues.

Despite the rhyme question, I found the crown superb.

Best luck to you in the contest.

Ray


S-1

t[T]oday I take up arms and make a stand.

S-2

It's my understanding that the rhyme pattern is flexible, but once chosen by the poet, it should be maintained throughout the entire crown. Thus, in S-1 the following rhyme pattern was established:

abab cdcd efef ghgh ii

In S-2, the rhyme pattern is
abab cdcd efef ghgh aa (stand / hand // hand / land

S-3

The rhyme pattern is off in this sonnet as well. It is:
abab cdcd efef ghgh gg (me / eternity // be / me )

S-7

The rhyme pattern is off in this sonnet as well. It is:
abab cdcd eeee efef gg (name / vain / brain / Jane / chain / remains )




























 Comment Written 07-May-2016



reply by the author on 08-May-2016
    Hi Ray,
    thank you so much for your kind review on my crown of sonnets, I so enjoyed writing that and cannot wait to do another.
    I am not really sure about the rhyme pattern or how to work out how it works but will study this and make the changes you suggest.
    So glad you enjoyed this as it was my first attempt at this type of sonnet.
    Thanks again for reading and reviewing.
    Brenda:))x

reply by mountainwriter49 on 09-May-2016
    Brenda, it looks like you've corrected all of the rhyme pattern issues I pointed out. Well done. I did fine the one SPAG beginning the last line of S-1 wasn't changed from 'today' to 'Today.'

    Good luck to you in the contest.
    Ray

reply by the author on 09-May-2016
    Hi Ray, sorry will correct that just wanted to get the rhyming right, will do that now.
    Thank you so much for your help, most appreciated.
    Brenda:))x

reply by the author on 09-May-2016
    Done.
Comment by
I am Cat
 
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Excellent
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Hello Brenda,
Wow! What an undertaking! This was quite a feat, and I'm so proud of you!
I think you've written one of the best in this bunch. Most of them being very very good. And of course, you always have a great command of iambic meter. There were only two places, I think that I found which had problems with meter... one was a stretching, if you will, to make the meter sort of fit (just stressing a word which might not be normally stressed) and the other, you were missing a syllable in a line)
Other than that, and considering the length of the piece... wow! What a great job you've done.

I do think that putting the words:
blessed
victory
executioner
with hyphens in them is overdone and borders on babysitting. lol We can do that ourselves when we read. Anyone who can't, really should just find something else to do instead of reviewing work of such caliber. ;)

Some thoughts:

the linking line between 3 and 4 is slightly modified... is there a rule about that? Do you have to say it's modified?
(also, I don't think you needed to modify it, I think that the word 'speak' is more appropriate to both lines)

Some lines:

in sonnet #4:

With me, your mind thinks OF another's name, (Ray would say that there is undue stress on the word, 'of')

in sonnet #5:

This other love that is my mother's son,
Is not, a brother's blood the thread of life,
[who] hopes that I forgive the wrong he's done?
(you're saying here... this other love is not a brother's love 'who' hope....., but love is not a 'who', it's a that or a which, you know? so I think, grammatically, it should be:

This other love that is my mother's son,
Is not, a brother's blood the thread of life,
that hopes that I forgive the wrong he's done?

(or it needs restructuring, because it's a bit confusing?)

In Sonnet #5
a broken heart with time could avenge.
(you're missing a syllable)
(can be easily remedied by adding the word "you" before 'could')

Sonnet #6:
Take heed(,) for punishment is hard and cruel,

Sonnet #7:
Alas(,) there is no face that fits the name,

Again, this is a GREAT undertaking, and deserves more than the 'standard' rating, however, by rules, I cannot give it a six because it has a few things which need fixing, but please... Brenda, please know that I think it really truly is outstanding!
Cat


 Comment Written 01-May-2016



reply by the author on 01-May-2016
    Hi Cat,
    thank you so much for reading my sonnet. Wow I am so pleased you enjoyed it. I will put right those few typo/spag errors. Thank you so much for pointing them out to me. The only one i am not sure about how to fix is the undue stress on the word 'of'.but will take another look and maybe change the line.
    Thank you again.
    Brenda:))x
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  88
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  Rank:  40 (+1)
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  Rank:  45
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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Wow, Brenda, I am totally taken with this. What a fine Crown of sonnets this is telling a harrowing story that duty wins over love and fatally so. I wish I had a six, for this amazing feat. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 23-Apr-2016
    Hi Ulla,
    thank you so much for reading and reviewing my poem. I am so glad you enjoyed it, I have not written one like this before so I'm happy to get the thumbs up. I look forward to writing another as it keeps me disciplined in not wavering from the subject. a great challenge.
    Thanks again.
    Brenda:))x

reply by Ulla on 23-Apr-2016
    Brenda, I would say that it is a great challenge. One day I would like to aspire to it. I will fan you as I would really like to follow your work. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment by
John Parkin
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Excellent
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To my way of thinking, poems are written to be interpreted by the reader and to evoke emotions. Your poem made me think of memories of my life of who lived and died and I wonder why.


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2016
    Hi John,
    thank you for reading and reviewing my poem, so pleased you liked it. I think if you read a poem that you can relate to or interpret in your own way and it stirs thoughts and feelings then the writer has achieved what they set out to do.
    Thank you so much for your time.
    Brenda:))x

reply by John Parkin on 22-Apr-2016
    Most welcome.
Comment by
Liberty Justice
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Excellent
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Seems this king is In love and no matter how many women they bring him, he can't shake the memory of his beloved, Jane. These words are so romantic and soothing, and his plea and reaching out for tenderness is so warm. Refrains just emphasize his longing and heartbreak. liberty justice


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2016
    Hi Liberty justice,
    so glad you enjoyed my poem. It is so nice when someone can understand what you have written.
    Thank you for reading and reviewing my writing.
    Brenda:))x

reply by Liberty Justice on 22-Apr-2016
    Check me out. Thanks!
Comment by
Senyai
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Oh, I love this Brenda. The Elizabethan Tragedy is such an interesting one to pursue. So well written with perfect meter. I know you will do very well in the contest.

Great writing that I enjoyed immensely.

Senyai


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2016
    Hi Senyai,
    thank you so much for your wonderful review. I have never written one before so I am happy with the great feed back I am getting. So glad you enjoyed it. Elizabethan is my favourite too.
    Thank you for reviewing my poem.
    Brenda:))x
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  18
 
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This is beautifully composed and I wish you much good luck in the contest, although I doubt you will need it with this superb entry. Kudos to you for a well described and interesting crown of heroic sonnets. Marilyn


 Comment Written 22-Apr-2016



reply by the author on 22-Apr-2016
    Hi Marilyn,
    thank you so much for your kind words. I have enjoyed writing this one and look forward to doing another.
    Thanks again.
    Brenda:))x
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