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Reviews from
Angharad Becomes a Slave


Crown of Sonnets

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  22
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Review Stars
  Rank:  52
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Your crown on sonnets is impressive, Carol. I'm always blown away by your fabulous work. This one is no exception. It's beautifully constructed and flows. Interesting and carries the reader along flawlessly. Easily understood even without footnote. Much good luck in the contest. Marilyn


 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
    Thank you for reading this rather long poem! I appreciate your comments and the stars...I'm so behind now that I won't win, but no matter - lol. I'm glad you felt it was understandable without the notes...that's an important point!

    Carol

reply by BeasPeas on 11-Jun-2016
    You are so welcome. Of all the wonderful poems, this one was my favorite and certainly got my vote. Marilyn

reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016
    Thanks!! :)))
Comment by
Susanne M. Psyris
 
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This is amazingly well-written! I absolutely loved this sonnet's content/story. Beautiful. I wish you best of luck for this monumental work for Poem of the Month! God bless and hugs, Susanne


 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 09-Jun-2016
    Thank you! I appreciate your kind comments and support:)
    Carol
Comment by
lightink
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  Rank:  208
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is an extraordinary piece that takes more focus and more multi-faceted talent than a 'regular' crown. I love how you demonstrated such a diverse knowledge in poetry while effortlessly guiding is through this part of the story. I was wondering how Angarad survived the rest of the war and the occupation... (not to mention giving birth to twins back then...)

First one:
Beautiful and lyrical poem of longing, loss and unexpected joy/difficulty raising twins alone in a time of war... she was a trooper!

I love the nature scene:
"
beneath the winking stars in forest wild,"

Here too, fantastic wording, relieving him of responsibility:
"The legion had a claim upon your time;"
But naming the impact:
"and I was left to wait--in need; alone.'

And my absolute favorite, the beautiful description of love making and conception:
"How could I hope you'd know--our night of love
that bound us close in mind, in soul and flesh--
had left me here, the source of budding life?
Like sprouts they grew, within my swelling womb;"



2. Maeve's Help - Petrarchan Sonnet
Such powerful story telling in this one!
It kept me on the edge of my seat!

My favorite line is the one carried on from the previous one...
This is so true! Perfect!
"I birthed our twins, the seeds of lasting change"

3. Angharad Becomes a Slave - Petrarchan Sonnet
Here too, the story line is enchanting, amd the most fascinating is how it bacame much more emotionally detached as the survival needs and the necessary action harmed her dignity... much more matter-of-fact wording, but it so psychologically accurate!

I love this mysterious final line
"In time I knew she'd feel the mystic call."


4. Gwen's Mystic Call - Petrarchan Sonnet

Now, with the shifting POV this line has a radically different meaning, yet this sonnet also explained the previous meaning

"In time I knew she'd feel the mystic call"

Delicious wording with the consonance:
'A Roman, he, their love had to transcend
mistrustful times"

Beautiful image:
Lthough daily she bestows a loving smile
and looks on Gwyn as though an image of
our father, dear, and then her gaze grows dim."


5. Gwyn Grows Up - Petrarchan Sonnet
Smooth POV shift with well continued story line...

So spake my sister, strange, in quiet tones."
(is 'spake" a typo or a colloquialism?)


6. Angharad's Lament - Petrarchan Sonnet

And back to the lyrical, sustained longing... beautiful and very sad...

Such a lovely question:
and you, my love, would you have seen your own
dear twins, and I, in vision, or in song?

This is beautiful:
LSo tell me where you are, where I belong!"

7. Dreaming of Sylvanus' return - Spenserian Sonnet
This is dramatic and very emotional!

I love this:
"You seem to hover just beyond my grasp;"

"But still I dream of life not yet begun.
Oh, Love, how time has flown since we were one!"
Stunning and powerful closing couplet!

This leaves the reader wanting more, hoping to read what happens next..
Yes, I know, Gymt already wrote that part ;).

Fantastic poem, Dear!

Love,
J


 Comment Written 31-May-2016



reply by the author on 02-Jun-2016
    Thank you for this detailed, amazing review, Jyoti. I so appreciate you looking so carefully at each sonnet and noting the feel from it...it sort of echoed my own feelings as I wrote this out. I wrote most of it by hand, in my journal (thanks again :) ) with a pencil. It feels really organic doing it that way. I thought about it a lot first, and then wrote it in two bursts of energy.
    So, I wrote one from Sylvanus' perspective too, to mirror this one, and offer a glimpse into his world. I must tell you, I was inspired by your amazing crown!
    Oh, spake is past tense for speak, but archaic. :)

    Thank you, my dear friend!! Your work here in this review is wonderful - I am humbled and pleased,
    Love,
    Carol
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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  Rank:  283
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  Rank:  135
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow, what an amazing piece, my friend. A great way to tell another piece of this story. This project has been quite the undertaking and so very well done. Great work, my friend~Debbie


 Comment Written 26-May-2016



reply by the author on 26-May-2016
    Thank you so much for reading this, I wish you had gotten more points on it - you're sweet to read such a long thing for 2 cents!!
    hugs,
    Carol
Comment by
Treischel
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  Rank:  195
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is fabulous poem. You definitely have excellent command of the Sonnet formats. This story is excellent. The only issue I saw, is with the first line of the fifth Sonnet doesn't match the last of the fourth. I loved every one.


 Comment Written 25-May-2016



reply by the author on 25-May-2016
    Ah, thank you Tom, for the great review and the error in that first line of #5. Nobody else saw that! I've gone through twice already with suggestions from Gynt and Jax (very helpful) - easy to miss things in such a long poem.

    Thanks so much, my friend :)
    Carol
Comment by
mermaids
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I am speechless here. You tell quite a tale here and I feel bad for Angharad who has to become a slave. Your poetic form is smooth and beautiful, I can see the twins. I can also see this poem as a book with illustrations. Nothing less than a six.


 Comment Written 25-May-2016



reply by the author on 25-May-2016
    Thank you, I know it would have to be so hard to be in her place. At least she got some good "owners" anyway. Can you imagine having twins, and no idea where your husband is?

    We do plan a book, and hope to get illustrations too :-)

    Thanks again!!
    Carol
Comment by
sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
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This is the first one of these crown of sonnets that I've read with different Shakespearean sonnets, it really works brilliantly! But what a lot of work you've put in it, it's a fantastic read, Carol. I enjoyed it even more because of the different voices, the mother and the twins one by one, it's a sad story, one many a soldiers wife has to endure. Your poem was an absolute delight to read, my friend. :) Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 25-May-2016



reply by the author on 30-May-2016
    So much work in these crowns, but a good feeling to complete. Thanks so much Sandra :)

    Carol
Comment by
DR DIP
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What a wonderful write C enjoyed your descriptive lines , similes and metaphors like the way each new verse starts with the last line of the previous. Thanks for sharing with us

dip


 Comment Written 25-May-2016



reply by the author on 30-May-2016
    Thank you so much, sorry I am so tardy in responding! Your kind words are much appreciated,
    Carol
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
 
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I liked the fact that you changed up the pace in this and wrote each part in a different sonnet format.
To me, sonnets seemed contrived, the language forced, and not how people speak in reality. It's the same way a lot of readers feel about archaic language. They simply don't care for it. All those thees', thous', havests', and 'tis', makes their hair stand on end, although not in a good way.
But you've managed to overcome the monotonous drone I often experience when reading sonnets, on the rare occasions when I do, by breaking things up a bit.
Good thinkin' on your part.


Angharad Alone - Blank Verse
was beautifully written, and in perfect iambic pentameter as all blank verse poetry requires ...

Maeve's Help -- Petrarchan Sonnet, a sonnet form popularized by Petrarch, himself, consisted of an octave with the rhyme scheme abbaabba and of a sestet with one of several rhyme schemes, as cdecde or cdcdcd. I believe they are sometimes also referred to as an Italian sonnet. Again, this sonnet about Maeve, a spinster woman who assisted Angharad by taking her in and helping in the birthing of her twins, was very well done ...

Angharad Becomes a Slave -- Petrarchan Sonnet ... In this Petrarchan Sonnet, Angharad talks of her two children, Gwen, a lovely girl, and Gwyn, a boy as handsome as his father, with loving care and affection. Well done yet again ...

Gwen's Mystic Call -- Petrarchan Sonnet ... Yet another Petrarchan Sonnet, Angharad's daughter, Gwen, speaks of how she often observes her mother speaking to their father, a Roman soldier supposedly killed in battle, and knows that she must find him. Eloquently worded, beautifully well written ...

Gwyn Grows Up -- Petrarchan Sonnet ... Gwyn, the son of Angharad, and the male counterpart of the twins, now a young man, describes how he has grown into a strong, very fit, and healthy lad, who will set off soon in search of their wayward father, Sylvanus ...

Angharad's Lament -- Petrarchan Sonnet ... In this, Angharad expresses a bit of self doubt at wondering if she should feel that Sylvanus is truly alive. Again, very old-world styled. Written a lot like the bards of yesteryear might have done ...

Dreaming of Sylvanus' return - Spenserian Sonnet ...Last but not least in this well composed Spenserian Sonnet; a sonnet in which the lines are grouped into three interlocked quatrains and a couplet and the rhyme scheme is abab, bcbc, cdcd, ee, Angharad laments the absence of her beloved husband as she expresses her thoughts and emotions in longing just to hold him once more.

WHEW! Now I gotta go take some Aleve.
I have a slitting headache, lol...

Seriously, it's great work, Carol. Epic, even...
 photo signature_27_zpsqlkicnph.gif


 Comment Written 24-May-2016



reply by the author on 24-May-2016
    Thank you, you're the best!! If I'd thought of it, I might have used more Spenserian sonnets to break it up more, but...maybe next time, Lol. Sorry about the headache!!!

    Thanks again, I really appreciate all your comments, and your time, my friend :-)
    Carol

reply by Dean Kuch on 24-May-2016
    I may have over exaggerated j-u-u-u-u-sssssss-t a wee bit, Carol, heh-heh. It wasn't all that painful.
    I know this much, you did a fabulous job with all seven.
    I'm very envious as sonnets drive me up the proverbial WALL trying to get jsust right.
    Anyhow, you are more than welcome.
    ~Dean :)

reply by the author on 24-May-2016
    I KNOW you could write a sonnet if you really wanted to Dean. How about a dark sonnet? A dark obsession, a haunted house, or an evil twin that won't leave you alone?

reply by Dean Kuch on 24-May-2016
Comment by
Cumbrianlass
 
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Beautifully told, but how sad! That she raises these twins, doing the best she can and making sacrifices, all the while knowing Sylvanus is alive. Feeling it!

Very moving poem, Carol. I hope there will be a happy ending!

Av


 Comment Written 23-May-2016



reply by the author on 23-May-2016
    I'll tell you a secret, there's a happy ending :))

    Carol
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