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Reviews from
Prairie Dogs


This is a children's story about prairie dogs.

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Liberty Justice
Liberty Justice Premier Author
Liberty Justice Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  173
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  230
 
Excellent
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Great story! Five stars. l love stories about Old West. This story tell an out adventures of old west in wagon train a and Jake and others how they struggle through wilderness WELL DONE! liberty justice


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
    Thank you for such a complimentary review.

reply by Liberty Justice on 24-Jun-2016
    Great knowing you.
    Good bye dear friend!

reply by Liberty Justice on 24-Jun-2016
    Good bye dear friend!
    I loved writing to you! liberty
    justice
Comment by
damommy
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  19
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  129
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Review Stars
  Rank:  37
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What a wonderful story for any age. I think children will love this. I know I did. Even though I already knew a lot about prairie dogs, it was still very interesting.

This is so well written and also informative. It will be a learning story without seeming like it. (Did that make sense?) 8-)


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
    Thank you for your enthusiasm.
Comment by
country ranch writer
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  160 (+3)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  22
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  34
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Review Stars
  Rank:  59
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
THIS IS A NICE LITTLE STORY FOR THE KIDS TO RELATE TO AND ENJOY. SOMETHING FOR THEM TO LOOK FOR ON THEIR JOURNEY ACROSST THE PRARRIE.


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016
    Thank you for your upper case comments. That gives them emphasis and thank you for the six stars.

reply by country ranch writer on 20-Jun-2016
    s m I l e s

reply by country ranch writer on 20-Jun-2016
    s m I l e s

reply by country ranch writer on 21-Jun-2016
    not hollering eyes just hurt
Comment by
nassus1957
 
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Thanks for the valuable information about the prairie dogs or the squirrels. This post, presented factual data on squirrels in a very interesting way. It did not sound like a boring lecture but the technique made a rather serious topic on describing squirrels as exciting and interesting for Adam and Luke. Thanks for sharing this interesting write.


 Comment Written 17-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 17-Jun-2016
    Thank you for the complimentary words.
Comment by
chiversmisha
 
 
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*Wonderful I thought it was just very well told and brought back memories of other times. The only thing I saw was the use of the word "demanded" a bit close together toward the end of the passage when the boys were wanting to hear or understand more from Jake. Overall just lovely.


 Comment Written 16-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2016
    Thank you for the positive review and I'll look again at the word demanded.
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 2 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  140
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  14
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  8
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  106
 

#8 Ranked Novelist
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Hi there,

You did a very good job with this competition prompt. A good, fun and informative story using the old gathered round a campfire to good effect.

We only see the tops / When they get hungry / When the young prairie dogs - the start of all of these paragraphs should have opening speech marks as they are new paragraphs in the same speech. You don't need corresponding closing ones until the end though of the dialogue though. I know this is a kids' story but it is important to make such the conventions are applied so it stands children in good stead themselves. Same for the section later on as well.

I also don't think you need to keep repeating 'prairie dogs' over and over. If it was an adult story you would shy away from using names in this manner so the same conventions apply.

"That's like us moving West. Isn't it?" - this could just be the one sentence with a comma rather than a full stop / period.

All the best
GMG


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
    Thank you for the extensive review and suggestions. I'll look again at the text.
Comment by
Unspoken94
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A wonderful children's story and I found no errors.
Very well written and it's a story I want to read to
my granddaughter before she goes to bed. All the
best in the contest. -Bill


 Comment Written 14-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
    Thank you for the encouragement. Let me know if it passes the child test.
Comment by
jpduck
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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I thought this was an excellent piece of writing for children -- particularly as you didn't 'talk down' to them. That is something I have seen sadly often in 'children's writing' on FS.

I spotted just one typo. (* * indicates suggested insertions):

'The main tunnel into the b*u*rrow goes down on a steep slant'


Adrian


 Comment Written 14-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
    Thank you for your observant review and for mentioning the tone of the story.
Comment by
Mastery
Published Author
Semper Fi
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  91
 
Excellent
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Hi, Mary. very well done, children's story here. I knd of think it's great for adults, too.

Very good imagery throughout, like here: "Jake sat on the other side of the fire and shadows from the flames made his old, worn face even uglier. He always looked grumpy, but he wasn't, and when he smiled his face went from ugly to pleasant. It would never be handsome."

And here: "As they dig their burrows they bring soil up to the surface where it breaks down into food for plants. The tunnels they dig help bring air underground to all the small living things burried deep in the earth. Prairie dogs help the soil so the grass keeps growing on the prairie."

All very easily understood because of the good writing, Mary.

Bravo!



 Comment Written 13-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016

    As always I appreciate your comments and insights.
Comment by
MTF1955
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Lovely story. I loved the flow of your story. It held my interest all the way till the end. I could see the scene so perfectly in my head. Great job. Maruy


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2016



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
    Thank you for the positive information.
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