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June's Gloom


Here Come-a-Da Bride

  107 total reviews 
Comment by
I am Cat
 
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LOL, well... this made me laugh. You first had me thinking the bride was at 255... and I was thinking she might have trouble with that dress. ;)
Having just done the wedding thing with my daughter and having the exact opposite problem... the smallest wedding dress is a size zero... can you believe I had to pay nearly $1000 in alterations to get it to fit her? WHAT? lol
Yeah, she's a DOUBLE zero! (of all things to take after her mother!) lol

ah well... nicely done on the etheree, and that's one boozing gal... nice posture, but GREAT etheree. ;) You took a form which I'm not a huge fan of, and made me laugh. ;)
(not easily done) I appreciate that.
I guess they've already had this contest, so to wish you luck would be a bit late, but I liked it, for whatever that's worth? ;)
well done!
Nice to 'see' you Jay!
Cat


 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 12-Jul-2016
    Hey, Cat. Sorry I'm so late in thanking you. I got an unbelievable number of reviews for this one, on top of my Trining Chapter. It was hard to catch up. I'm glad you enjoyed this bit of fluff.
Comment by
bookishfabler
 
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Kind of sad. Poor June. nothing worse than your wedding dress being too small. And the little cocktail in the picture isn't helping with the weight. LOL. This was a fun poem. And sad too.
hugs Heidi


 Comment Written 28-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
    Thanks, Heidi. I'm glad you enjoyed it. First one who saw the sadness in it, I believe.
Comment by
GWHARGIS
 
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This was just crazy enough to work. Loved the imagery of the fluffy bride. Good rhythm and fun to read. Good luck in the contest. Gretchen


 Comment Written 26-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
    Many thanks for your encouragement with this one, Gretchen. I was just playing around. Not expecting anything.
Comment by
Sissy
 
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Hi Mr Jay!

This one made me wince and laugh aloud at the same time. I had to look up what this style of poetry was, since I'd never heard of it. Looks like a fun challenge for free verse!

This is a really good contest entry. Sort of funny and awful at the same time. Sorta makes me wonder what kind of wedding June would actually have...

Fun!
Sissy

is still en route,To arrive today (period after 'route', or if you like the comma, lower case the 'T' in 'To'.)


 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
    Hey, Sissy, thanks for reading. Yeah, that should have been lower case. Originally, I had everything but the articles in upper case. I have no idea why. Someone told me it didn't flow that way, and I agreed, so I started lower-casing things, but apparently forgot that one.
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
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This is a fun etheree poem that paints a vivid picture of an overweight bride worried that her mail-ordered gown will not fit on her wedding day. I paid more attention to the message and humor of your poem than to its cascading structure which is direct. Thank you for sharing, Jay, I wish you success in the contest.


 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
    Thanks, Andre. Appreciate your reading. Just having some fun with this one.
Comment by
Delahay
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  Rank:  439
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Jay,
An all to real look at a pointless waste of money and time.
Neither Mary or I can really understand this out dated ritual.
This is money wasted, that would make a great down payment
on a house or furniture. I guess I've made enough friends
for now. Good job.
Delahay


 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
    Couldn't agree with you more, Ward. LOL, you and Mary have good heads on your collective shoulders.
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
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I was looking for your story the other day. I have gotten into the habit of just straight deleting everything in my inbox. I couldn't tell you if this an etheree poem or not, the blind leading the deaf. What is is funny. Thanks for the laugh. The best to you as always.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
    Many thanks, Russell. Glad you got a kick out of it. Enough people have told me I got the syllable count right. Everything else guesswork.
Comment by
Domino 2
 
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This bride in the photo seems well-prepared for rain (with her willies) or celebrations/commiserations (with the vodka), Jay.

Maybe she's celebrating as it's dry and sunny after all, and the groom dropped dead before the wedding, but the rich ole git still left her everything in his Will. haha.

This is a fun write, but with respect, some lines seem falsely broken to meet the syllable count, and don't 'stand alone'.

Cheers, Ray.



 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
    Thanks for the kind words and the direction for improvement. EVERYTHING I did was for syllable count. LOL.
Comment by
2016, 2018 and 2020 Script Writer of the Year
judiverse
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  Rank:  30
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  2
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  Rank:  36
 

#5 Ranked Author
#2 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
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Funny! June's planning didn't work out too well. Maybe she didn't do much planning at all. Maybe she really doesn't want to get married after all? Certainly calls attention to all the fuss and expense that goes into most weddings. Excellent attention to the Etheree format, and excellent build-up to your last line. I predict the show will go on, one way or another. Maybe they'll elope. Great contest entry. judi


 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
    Thank you, Judi. I don't know about all the finer points of the Etheree format. It was fun to right. That was good to me.

reply by judiverse on 24-Jun-2016
    You're very welcome. I'd never seen much poetry from you! Interesting subject. judi

reply by judiverse on 25-Jun-2016
    This is a fun poem. You were able to tell a story in the 10 lines. judi

reply by Anonymous Member on 27-Jun-2016
    You're very welcome. I'd never seen much poetry from you! Interesting subject. judi

reply by Anonymous Member on 27-Jun-2016
    This is a fun poem. You were able to tell a story in the 10 lines. judi
Comment by
Jim Lorson Sr
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This is an excellent contest entry. The photo adds credence to this poem. Looks like the mail delivery is causing some anxiety.

I want to wish you good luck in this contest. Have a great day,,,,Jim


 Comment Written 24-Jun-2016


reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
    Many thanks, JIm. I appreciate the well-wishes.
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