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Reviews from
Crazed (375 words)


Prose Potlatch: Opening Paragraphs--Last Days

  32 total reviews 
Comment by
IKinnie
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I would like to read more of this story if you decide to take it further.
I like the introduction of the vector-the flea.
I assume they have gotten to the father. Looks like a full outbreak is coming.
Composed well, vivid imagery.


 Comment Written 07-Jan-2018



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
    Thank you for review this, LKinnie.
    I"d forgotten that I'd even written it. I'm afraid it would take a book or a screenplay to do this story justice, and these days, I'm just not up to it. However, I sincerely do appreciate your wanting me to take it further. That's wonderful compliment.

    Be well and write your heart out.
    :) ellen
Comment by
rtobaygo
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Good morning, Ellen
Your post is what I call a good, tight write. The images, the various scenes and their characters were spot on.

I only had a couple of hours sleep which I believe is the reason behind my questions:
"Daddy's coming to find you. Ready or not here I come."
Eleanor slipped into the dumbwaiter and pressed the button to the second floor. (If Eleanor was being chased by her father why would she have thought...Dad's gone nuts.

Fur bloody, it dropped only two feet in front of her with its mouth open and remnants of Puss-puss between its teeth. What is puss puss...is it puss or it is the name of Elanor's favorite toy?

You portray the fleas as vicious disease carriers that are the cause of a spreading epidemic.

Again, I had only two hours sleep and yes I would like to read more.

take care and stay safe,

Ray


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Ray, for such a generous review.
    Answers to your questions:
    She said 'Dad's nuts' because he had held his hand over her mouth and called her a little bitch.
    Puss-puss was the family cat. A toy wouldn't have blood.

    I'm glad you enjoyed this. Were you able to sleep after reading it? haha

    :) e

Comment by
Gypsy Blue Rose
 
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Heavy metal music throbbed through the walls of the two-story penthouse, setting small items to vibrate and fall to the floor.......Eleanor slipped into the dumbwaiter and pressed the button to the second floor. Dad's gone nuts......

A heavy action suspenseful plot for such short story. You are going to nail the potlatch challenge!

gypsy



 Comment Written 28-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
    Nothing to nail. It just a writing group on site that responds to a prompt. This prompt was 'last days'.

    Thank you for your comments, gypsy.

    :) e

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 28-Jul-2016
    I know what the potlatch is, I participate sometimes. I just meant meeting a challenge, isn't that the purpose of the potlatch? Maybe I am wrong.
    The story was good regardless.

reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
    I guess you're right. It's not a contest. It's a challenge to meet the prompt.

Comment by
F. Wehr3
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Nice work! This opening was very creative and yes, I would read more. I reminds me of how a virus or any contagious disease gets loose. It would interesting to see how apocalyptic you would make this.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Russell.
    It would be fun to write. I see it as an action script.

    :) e
Comment by
ciliverde
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Oh man, this is scary, Ellen. I don't know if I'm brave enough to continue! Fleas do have a history of spreading nasty diseases, don't they. With the help of a few rats...very nicely done!

Carol


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Carol. Nasty pests--both of them.
    :) e
Comment by
Kooky Clown
 
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I found this horrifying to the extent that hopefully such a thing can not happen but there again, what if it did. I thought this was well written and in answer to your question, Yes I would read more


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Kooky Clown. I'd like to make this a script, but have to study up on how to write one.
    :) e
Comment by
Ulla
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Hi Ellen, yes. I would read on. I love the idea of a disaster going to happen. A scary concept but one that makes for good reading. I liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
    Thank you. Ullla. I'm glad you'd read more.

    :) e
Comment by
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Gloria ....
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Ha, yep I'd read this story alright, Ellen. A few lab fleas with a deadly disease that is gonna be one fun journey.

Excellent opening paragraphs.

Gloria


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
    Thank you, gloria. Great review. I'm pleased that you'd read more. I would have to learn how to write a script in order to do the action justice.

    :) e
Comment by
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Barb Hensongispsaca
Barb Henson
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Oh yes I am hooked.
I would read more, right up my ally.
Intrigue, excitement, how many more die before the problem is figured out, then how to deal with the problem.
Well written, no problems noted


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Barb. I'm glad that you'd read more. I would have to learn how to write a script in order to do the action justice.

    :) e
Comment by
write hand blue
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Another little gem from your most productive pen. Written in the style that you are so good at.

The fleas that got away this sounds as bad as bubonic plague, people going mad. Let's read more, yes Ellen you can't leave us in limbo. Now that the cat/flea is out of the bag/lab. lol.

Nicely introduced with the promise of more... ~Mel~


 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Mel. I'm pleased that you'd read more. I would have to learn how to write a script in order to do the action in this story justice.

    :) ellen
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