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Reviews from
Benjamin Harding (Part 8)


Galloway and Louise

  35 total reviews 
Comment by
djsaxon
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  Rank:  284
 
Excellent
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Nice semi change of pace that allows the reader to calm down a little and then slowly builds again, leaving us to wonder just what it is that the girls have in mind. DJ :-)


 Comment Written 03-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 03-Sep-2016
    Ah, you're up to the twins now. Fun sisters. haha
    Thank you for your review, DJ.

    :) e
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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  Rank:  218
 
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Well written as always, my friend. I know you have more posted, so will move on to see what the big surprise is--I'm curious~Debbie


 Comment Written 01-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 01-Sep-2016
    Thank you for your review, Debbie.
    Part 9 is up and there are three more to go.

    Take care,
    :) ellen
Comment by
CALLAHANMR
 
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Average
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I am sorry for the low rating, but your incomplete manuscript doesn't give me a good picture of what the finished work will offer.

I suggest you write a good synopsis and submit that for evaluation.

Roger

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 31-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 31-Aug-2016
    This is not a manuscript. It is an episode in a series. It's not supposed to be complete. In the beginning there is a summary of prior episodes and at the end it does say 'to be continued'.
    I have no idea what you are referring to, Roger. I think you read another post and confused it with mine. Nothing I wrote is mentioned here.
    Yes, your review is most upsetting since it can't possibly refer to this post.
    Other's give it sixes and you a three? And what you say doesn't even apply to what I've written.
    Please look at it again and explain.

    :) e
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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  Rank:  91
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow. This is quite the story part. That little gal is trouble with a capital "T" - she was damn near raped, certainly assaulted, and THAT was her reaction? Ben's alter ego is going to get him imprisoned for sure!

Great story, Ellen!


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Thank you, Dawn, for your fantastic comments and six star review.
    Yes, she is no angel. haha

    :) ellen xxx

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 30-Aug-2016
    You're very welcome. I still say this should be made into a novel!!!

reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    That's quite a project for an oldster like me.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 30-Aug-2016
    It's just like weeding or planting or even digging the garden - when you start out, you can't look at the whole area you want to cover or you won't want to start. Just take on one square at a time. *grin* (and I don't believe you - not with the characters YOU write - you aren't an 'oldster'. LOL)
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  46
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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My my my, Ellen, what do I make of this? Louise is not an angel herself, But Ben is still rather dangerous with Galloway slowly taking over. I don't have good vibes about this.
In Previously: Ben came live with his Aunt Ada = Ben came to live with his Aunt Ada
In End of part 7: 'Now it was only Galloway and Louise in rut against the wall' ='in a rut against the wall.'
So well written and I'm looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Thank you, Ulla.
    I guess I better change the 'rut'. I meant it as in two deer having sex. In rut would indicate in passion or in heat(dogs).
    I appreciate your input.
    I wonder if 'in rut' would work if I removed 'against the wall'?

    :) e

reply by Ulla on 30-Aug-2016
    I think it would work well if you removed 'against the wall' and just wrote 'in a rut'. Then it would be understood the way you want it. I love this story.:))x
Comment by
jpduck
 
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Excellent
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I confess that I am finding it increasingly difficult to take this too seriously. This is as likely to be my problem as yours. Indeed, it occurs to me that perhaps, slow learner that I am, we are not supposed to take it seriously. Maybe it's actually a rather clever romantic fiction parody, disguised as 'Mystery and Crime Fiction.

I can fully understand that you may have no intention of putting me out of my confusion at this stage.


Adrian


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Thank you for your review.
    :) e
Comment by
Annette Gulliver
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A fast moving chapter, with lots going on.
Ben is smitten with Louise, the teaser, but when Galloway comes through, things get out of control. Louise is surprised by what she thinks is Ben's ardour, but is curious about his 'big thing', and intends to lead him on another time. Now the nasty twins are up to something, that will involve Ben. A great hook at the end .. I can't wait to see what they do.
:-) Annette


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Good Morning, Annette.
    What a lovely surprise to wake up to a love six star review.
    Thank you so much.

    :) ellen

reply by Annette Gulliver on 30-Aug-2016
    you're welcome, Ellen.
Comment by
cterp
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I give you a six for the torture factor, in that you have once again left us TORTURED waiting for the next installment. You might as well tie Louise to the railroad tracks and set the train a-coming.

You handled the Galloway/Ben interplay very nicely, and it works out well adding quote marks around what Ben says in Galloway's voice, since you don't use them on his internal voice.

chris


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Thank you for the six star review, chris and mentioning that Galloway's voice via a different font and quote marks worked well.
    I'll post as soon as I can. Still reviewing.

    :) e
Comment by
Writingfundimension
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  Rank:  296
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Oh, man, this is going to be a giant mistake on the part of the girls -- I can just feel it! The near-rape scene was very well done, Ellen. So glad Ben came back in time to stop it, but if he's in a position to manipulated and embarrassed, I'm guessing Galloway will have his way. Eagerly awaiting the next scene/part.

:) Bev


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Haha. You have good instincts as usual.
    Thank you for your six stars and eager anticipation.

    :) ellen xxx

reply by Writingfundimension on 30-Aug-2016
    You're welcome, Ellen! xx Bev
Comment by
Douglas Paul
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Another good chapter. Lots of tension in this one. Galloway seems to be gaining the upper hand -not good forBen. This is a good story


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2016



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2016
    Thank you for your generous six stars, DP.
    Galloway is, as he puts it, 'having fun'.
    :) e
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