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Reviews from
Blind Man's Chess--Pt 2 of 3


A Four-Bits story.

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
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A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review.


 Comment Written 06-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 06-Oct-2016
    My sincere thanks. Lee
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wonderful middle, hw, and can't wait to read the conclusion. I love spending some time with these wonderful characters again. It's like I can see this pack of pals sitting across the aisle from me at Myrna's. Your amazing writing makes the characters feel like friends I've known forever. This middle part of the story intensifies the first and makes me long for the ending. Again, outstanding writing, hw.
Smiles,
Indy :-)


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 11-Sep-2016
    I really like this 'middle', too. I got to re-set Four-Bits. Re-introduce a few characters. Still, I got to move the story along a bit.
    Here's the good news, Indy--I just posted the end of the story. You'll be able to read it while the other two installments are still fresh in your mind.

    I know you were way behind in your reviewing. Thanks for taking the time.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
DonandVicki
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A very interesting and imaginative story that caught my attention and pulled me into the story quickly. I will look forward to reading part 3.


 Comment Written 08-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
    Thank you, DonandVicki. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Ulla
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#1 Ranked Novelist!
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Here goes one of my precious six, because this is just some good writing. What more can I say, but I have to fill in to be able to send this. I love it. Looking forward to reading more. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
    Thank you, Ulla. I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I'll have it wrapped up in a day or two. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
frogbook
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Loved it again. Oh, wise one in the ways of people, I bow to your gift for making he obvious a comedic journey. The description of the food in the diner was a knee slapper, but only one of many. Characters were fabulous as always.


 Comment Written 07-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much, frogbook. I'm enjoying these character, too. I should have the story wrapped up in a day of two. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
LIJ Red
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So many times people who care about each other develop the habit of talking to their friends like"white pine dogs with poplar tails." But sight returned is different from sight created...looking for the rest.


 Comment Written 06-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
    Thanks, Red. Sorry, but I don't get the 'white pine dogs with poplar tails'. Fill me in? Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by LIJ Red on 06-Sep-2016
    A quote from "The Greatest Adventure" (1930s science fiction) the young lady spoke to her suitor abrasively and insultingly, and he said she talked to him like a white pine dog with a poplar tail. I thought it was humorous and described the banter between buddies well...

reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
    I don't doubt it's funny, my friend. I guess I just don't know enough about trees. L

reply by LIJ Red on 06-Sep-2016
    Arrogant speech would be talking to a man like a dog. A yellow dog. A wooden dog. Although the meanest words I have ever said to my pup was "shaddup, I'm on the phone." No wonder Adventure never made the best seller list...
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
After wallowing in reviewing poems all morning, your story, Lee, jumped out at me. First, the fun is apparent from the opening sentences, grabbing my attention,
"I spit up the stone, but he kept on thumping like I was a tom-tom and he was performing the drum solo from Iron Butterfly's In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

I enjoyed how you organized this chapter as a series of conversations regarding Blind Smitty's quest for eye surgery. You begin with a conversation between Phil and Smitty on the matter, move to a conversation between Phil and Thor, progress to the conversation among the Brain Trust, and come full circle with a conversation between Smitty and Phil again. Your characters are well-drawn not through descriptions but through dialogue and their feeling towards one another. You create an animated picture of the town of Two-Bits and its inhabitants. I am reminded of Mayberry in the Andy Griffith Show.

Minor SPAGS: Insert quotation marks here, "He's a member of my flock," said the Rev. (")I too, have a responsibility for his well-being. Mine being spiritual." It is also a growing practice now to use one space rather than two spaces between sentences.

Your story provided an entertaining, much need break from the poetry messages filling my box. Thank you for sharing your labor of love and I wish you a productive and relaxing Labor Day.


 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
    Thank you, Andre. I really appreciate the galaxy.

    FS has a lot of poets. And a lot of poetry contests. Tough to keep up. And tough to keep positive.

    I'm pleased you're enjoying this homespun story. I fully embrace the Mayberry analogy. Smitty is Barney Fife filtered through David Lynch and Dennis Hopper--but only once. He's still loveable, but eerie nevertheless.

    The 'space(s) between sentences' thing is an issue I have no stake in. But as long as it isn't fully resolved, I'll go on as I always have. Punctuation trends seem as fluid as hemlines to me. The folks on the other side of the pond gig me for writing 'Mr.', while the folks here gig me if I leave out the period. In the words of Rodney King, 'Why can't we all get along?Andre, I agree with you about excess punctuation, but then I read 'free verse' poetry and feel like I'm reading Alphabits out of a cereal bowl.

    Aye, I love conversation as a story-propeller.

    Thanks so much for the great review, and insight. Peace, Lee


Comment by
Alex Rosel
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...But he kept on thumping like I was a tom-tom and he was performing the drum solo from Iron Butterfly's In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. - I'm glad you included a reference to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida in the author's notes. The full meaning of this would have otherwise washed over me. Personally, I try to avoid such oblique references, unless they're intended as an in-joke.

Smitty pantomimed looking around the room. - I didn't think Americans understood the concept of pantomime. Perhaps they don't; are you non-American by any chance? (Sorry, I just assume everyone here is from the U.S. unless specifically stated to the contrary - it just saves time.) Or, I could be utterly wrong on both counts :-(

Millie couldn't have performed a better Millie impression. - Ha, ha. Love it.

Nothing wrong with putting new spins on old cliches - :-)

Change is sugar to the young. Status quo is saccharine to the not-so-young. Familiarity is a honey pot to the frail old bears. - Love it.

Nice, with pacy prose. Wishing to be even-handed to the FanStory community, I scoured this piece for points I could criticise. The first two were the only things I picked up - and even those aren't particularly punchy throws. I'm looking forward to the continuation.









 Comment Written 05-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
    Thank you, Alex. Your 'throws' are understandable and defensible. The In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida reference was half inside joke (to those in the know), half 'look it up' (to those who don't get it). If I write according to my perceptions of my audience, I'm doing it right. I perceive my audience knows everything I do. To write any other way, is to be condescending. To edit 'oblique references' is tantamount to writing down to your audience. I like to challenge my readers. In the day of Goggle, somebody might learn something.

    Americans don't understand pantomime? That's a low blow, my friend. Alex, we may not be good at it, in the Marcel Marceau sense, but we understand it. Troglodytes understood non-verbal communication. Dogs and cats understand it. Pantomime is the most basic form of communication on Earth.

    I really appreciate your take on things. And I'm glad you enjoyed this installment. I'll finish this story up in the next couple of days.

    Thanks again. Peace, Lee


reply by Alex Rosel on 05-Sep-2016
    No, I actually did think that Americans didn't understand pantomime. You have corrected me. You're Marcel Marceau reference has now made it clear. What the Brits understand by pantomime is different from what the rest of the world understands by pantomime. It is us who are out of kilter.

    Yours, embarrassed and shamefaced, Alex.

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
    Oh, please don't be shamefaced. What is it about the word 'pantomime' that doesn't translate between American English and British English?
    I love the notion of these cross-cultural blind spots. Back when I was writing advertisements, I was aware of several American colloquialisms that didn't translate well.
    But pantomime never surfaced. I'm dying to know. What does pantomime mean to you? L

reply by Alex Rosel on 05-Sep-2016
    To the British, pantomime is very specific. It's a performance for children in the post-Christmas season. Although featuring different stories, all pantomimes have common threads. The principle boy, the hero, is played by a woman, and the principle women, the villains, are played by men. A chief villain will always goad the children in the audience, while the hero depends on their shouts to alert him to approaching danger. Oftentimes, objects are hidden under some chairs in the theatre and children need to bring them up to the stage at a given request. Not Marcel Marceau at all; to us that's mime.

reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
    Ah, I get it. To us, mime is a noun, which indicates the actor. Or a verb, which indicates the actor's act. Pantomime is a noun which indicates the art form, or a verb indicating the pursuance of the art form. We attach no seasonal relevance.
    Thank you, Alex. I learned something new. Peace, Lee
Comment by
His Grayness
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  Rank:  369
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This brilliant author and master of comedy and personification has delivered another hilarious story filled with delightful characterization using perfectly delivered hometown jargon and background commentaries that bring the reader very personally into the story situation. As always, his GRIIP captures the interest of the reader from the outset and holds on to their interest till the very end. Great work and many thanks again for a lot of fun! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much, Vance. You flatter me. I really like writing from a character's point of view. People are more interesting than action to me. I really appreciate your encouraging words. Peace, Lee

reply by His Grayness on 08-Sep-2016
    You are entirely welcome Lee and please keep up the delightful works! Vance
Comment by
Heidi M
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is so well-written and a great continuation of your story. I especially enjoy how you write the verbal sparring and inject humor. "His black olive is probably already on his way here...." That is so funny!
I would imagine Smitty's vigorous thumping helped ease some of his frustration with his situation.
You do a wonderful job of letting us discover who your characters are through their dialogue.
I have always heard you have responsibility for, not to, someone's well-being. You wrote it twice and it sounded odd to me, but maybe that's just me.
You may want to change Doc's scientific curiosity is peaked to piqued.
You are a fine author. I enjoy reading your writing.


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 06-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much, Heidi. You're absolutely right about piqued, and responsibility for. I really appreciate your keen eye.
    I also appreciate your interest in the characters. Many readers want me to 'tell' them about my characters. I prefer to let the characters do the telling. My favorite authors are the ones who give me enough credit to come to my own conclusions.
    Again, thank you so much. Peace, Lee
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