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A Mortician's Circus Macabre


A dream inspired poem...

  91 total reviews 
Comment by
Grasshopper2
 
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I enjoy your story poems because they are not haikus. Your haikus are superb, but the mass quantity you regurgitate as sharp text that foretells the coming of the walking toadstools; soon, very soon. Dang, I digressed again. This has wonderful alliterations and more than 7 or 8 syllables per line, which may mean this will be passed over by the masses because it is too long. Nah. Most of us see the artwork and say Dean's posted something new, so it is a must read! I like your use of alliterations and internal rhymes flow very well. Even where they don't, it fits.


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    Thank you for reading this, Michael.
    I appreciate your complimentary comments and I hope you enjoyed the poem.
    Take care,
    ~Dean
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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  Rank:  84
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  Rank:  1
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  Rank:  27
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
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Poor Jimi! How horrible to have a dream like that. It was a nightmare! You used it to do your thing brilliantly. Your mind must have flip-flopped when she told you, already forming this poem as she spoke. LOL, I hate clowns and you keep using them, Dean! I think they are scarier than looking at the devil's face. This poem, actually has a really good moral, I often wonder if some jewellery goes missing before the body in cremated or buried. If they do, I hope they read this poem. Perhaps you should send a copy to all undertakers! Excellent, my friend. :) Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    Actually I embellished just a little, Sandra.
    But Jimi's poem was rather macabre.
    Thanks for reading.
    ~Dean :}
Comment by
robyn corum
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  Rank:  22
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  Rank:  19
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  Rank:  36
 
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Dean,

I need someone to share their dreams with ME so I'll have something to write about - I am totally empty these days. My muse is loose! --sigh--

One question -- is the following line not supposed to have the internal rhyme? The rest of them do, and it felt off to me because it didn't...

1.) If I were you, I'd run, my dear." Just then, one clown-like corpse advanced

Thanks, Dean! Another fun work!


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    The line you've questioned has internal rhyming which is linked to the previous line, Robyn.
    It's all intertwined throughout the poem, but in no specific order.
    Thanks so much for reading.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Fridayauthor
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I love this poem! It's so much fun to read and it so hooks the reader in the story line. I'm an old fashioned fan of rhyming poetry and understand the work involved in finding just the right word and matching the meter.

Great job...and images as well.

Maybe...(Just don't like "it."

a vapid vapor wrapped my form, the room fell dark, it grew so warm
a vapid vapor wrapped my form, the room fell dark, the night grew warm

Fine work!


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review this poem, Fridayauthor.
    I apologize for my rather lengthy delay in responding.
    Don't think for one moment that it's not because I don't appreciate it--I do! It's just been really crazy around here of late.
    I can't take all of the credit for this one, with the exception of writing it. Our own Jimi (jlsavell) provided me with the inspiration for this by sharing her dream with me. I changed it around quite a bit, of course, but she still gave me the idea.
    So, having said all of that, thanks so much again for your thoughtful comments and very generous six stars.
    I deeply appreciate it!
     photo coollogo_com-323543558_zpsyhpfhk5f.png
Comment by
Ric Myworld
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  Rank:  689
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Your talent and versatility enable to you to truly write convincingly in any genre or form of poetry and prose you choose. But, when it comes to blood, guts, and death, you are the "Macabre King." Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review this poem, Ric.
    I apologize for my rather lengthy delay in responding.
    Don't think for one moment that it's not because I don't appreciate it--I do!
    It's just been really crazy around here of late.
    I can't take all of the credit for this one, with the exception of writing it. Our own Jimi (jlsavell) provided me with the inspiration for this by sharing her dream with me. I changed it around quite a bit, of course, but she still gave me the idea.
    So, having said all of that, thanks so much again for your thoughtful comments and very generous six stars.
    I deeply appreciate it!
     photo coollogo_com-323543558_zpsyhpfhk5f.png
Comment by
Leineco
 
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Oh, what a tangled web we weave
when e're we start to loot and thieve;
a tight cocoon enwrapping us -
a wailer's shroud, a damning truss.

It may be clowns or demon's spawn
or hell hounds sent by Abaddon -
but rest assured there's no escape
when Satan dons his reaping cape.


A very creepy and spin-tingling tale from our master of the macabre! :-)
As always, well penned my friend.


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    Thanks for reading, Lorraine.
    I appreciate your comments.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Bill O'Bier
 
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What a story - your poetic words are chilling. They tell a delightfully frightful tale and the arrangement with all the artwork is tops. Thanks for sharing this piece.

Wishing you all the best...
Bill


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    Thanks very much for reading, Bill.
    It is appreciated.
    ~Dean
Comment by
Slythytove2
 
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Nicely done.Dean- you keep very unsettling company, but what am I saying, of course you do, as a latter-day POE you would. (You're not married to you cousin are you?) If you haven't yet, look through some Tattoo mags or picture books- there's a recurring theme of the Evil Clown face the better artists offer. You'd get a kick out of it.


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    Thanks, Sly.
    ~Dean

reply by Slythytove2 on 18-Sep-2016
    All the best.
Comment by
Mystic Angel 7777
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The Glickman's were of Salem's Lot, no? She lost both sons to biting ends and lost her ring to feckless friend - how sad, how dross then endless and eternal loss. This is wonderfully penned and I did not read the reviews but HOPE that don't jump on you like they do me when I exceed their personal legal limits of ten syllables per line. Silly folk should study as many great poets wrote in their OWN fashion as you do. Well done and I thank you very much for sharing it.


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
    Thanks, Monica.
    ~Dean
Comment by
mvbrooks
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  Rank:  574
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I could imagine Vincent Price narrating this tale and it added to the allusion to all the great poems of death. The rhyme is consistent, the tone is friendly as the narrator beckons the reader to come allow on the poem's journey to the basement. Timely poem with Halloween approaching.


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2016



reply by the author on 21-Sep-2016
    Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review this poem, mvbrooks.
    I apologize for my rather lengthy delay in responding.
    Don't think for one moment that it's not because I don't appreciate it--I do!
    It's just been really crazy around here of late.
    I can't take all of the credit for this one, with the exception of writing it. Our own Jimi (jlsavell) provided me with the inspiration for this by sharing her dream with me. I changed it around quite a bit, of course, but she still gave me the idea.
    So, having said all of that, thanks so much again for your thoughtful comments and very generous six stars.
    I deeply appreciate it!
     photo coollogo_com-323543558_zpsyhpfhk5f.png
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