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Reviews from
Who Was the Dust?


For foxangie123, Dean Kuch, and all others dealing with loss

  24 total reviews 
Comment by
Nika2016
Premier Author
Nika2016 has an MS in administration of criminal justice and BS political science/sociology
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
First...this is such a loving tribute to special Fanstory friends. Secondly...it is a beautiful poem that speaks of loss and love...What do we want others to remember? Our deepest souls. The purpose of relationship is to know and be known on our deepest levels. I love this Mike.


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    Thank you so much for your heartfelt review. So many here are in pain from one kind of loss or another. I knew I had this, so I just had to post it. World news is getting worse and worse. There's much love in most of the FS community, and we all need as much of that as possible. I try to help, and I know you do too. You have been my friend since I first posted here, and I'm grateful for that. Thanks again. -- Mike

reply by Nika2016 on 17-Oct-2016
    I am boosting your poem so more can read it.....I did this for another last night..


reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    Thank you! I had no idea that was possible. I just got the notices. You really are sweet to do that. As I review, I'll kick in more too, since the feedback so far has been favorable. My shorter hours here now really cut into possible reviewing time, and I had not planned to post at this moment. I much appreciate the boost. What a great friend you are! -- Mike
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
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 Rank:  123
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
hat a well composed poem--inspired, touching and skillfully penned with flawless meter, great rhyming and fine poetic devices as well. I particularly applaud when rhymes are also alliterated, like here, in my favorite stanza:

Too many plans will go astray;
Too many dreams will fade away --
But our hearts still remember.


Your punctuation choices, for the most part, serve the poem well. Just two suggestions below:

One by one(,) vanish friends and kin;(,)
Leaving our world silent and dim --


Perfect closing:

All that we do flies in one gust;
All that we are soon turns to dust --
Save the hearts that remember.


Excellent build up of the theme and closing impact. Sounds super read aloud, too.

So nice that this is written for those who suffer loss. You're got a compassionate heart!

Nears a six. Bravo

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    Thank you, rd, for this kind, detailed, and helpful review. Yes, you are right about those commas -- and I have made the change, which will also appear for this poem in the Second Edition of my literary art book due out next month (so your comment is most timely). Even my trusted friend who professionally proofread my First Edition did not catch that flaw. Thanks again. -- Mike

reply by rama devi on 17-Oct-2016
    Thank you for your gracious reply and gesture! Warmest Smiles, rd

reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    You're most welcome, rd. You saved me some trouble by catching that flaw. I'm supposed to be an expert at such things, but I still missed it. So, thanks again. :)) -- Mike

reply by rama devi on 17-Oct-2016
    Ah yes, it's easy to miss them when proofing our own work--we're too close to it. Fresh eyes are needed. The brain sees it as intended rather than as is.

    Warmly, rd

reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    I agree. But even my trusted friend and professional proofreader somehow missed what you caught. -- Mike

reply by rama devi on 17-Oct-2016
    Thanks! I try my best...

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016
    It certainly worked in this case. -- Mike

reply by rama devi on 18-Oct-2016
    :-))
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  49
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
There was a crematorium in our town that was shut down when it was discovered they cremated several bodies and at the end of the day scooped up equal portions and put them in urns.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    Yes, I've heard of such things (and worse with bodies). The families affected must be devastated when the truth surfaces. It seems some people have no compassion gene; and too many of them now are running the world, including our own government. Thanks for reading and reviewing. -- Mike
Comment by
DonandVicki
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I can feel the pain in all of that dust. I can relate to your well composed poem because I have lost as well. Very emotional.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2016
    Thank you for your kind review, and condolences on your own loss. We all must go through this, and we adapt; but it still hurts dreadfully at first -- and endlessly for some. -- Mike
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