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Reviews from
Sugar Baby


A grieving mother finds a replacement for her lost child.

  33 total reviews 
Comment by
kathleenspalding
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Unholy mackerel!!!!! This is one super creepy super gross story! If it didn't win the contest, it should have! Excellent writing. Only typos I noticed were a couple places where there was an extra space at the beginning of a paragraph. Great job!


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
    Thank you! Yeah, pretty gross, huh? The mind is a funny monkey. (<---- gratuitous Stephen King quote) ;)

reply by kathleenspalding on 24-Feb-2017
    :-D
Comment by
marthastruber
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow, what an awesome story, very creepy. It made me think of Rosemary's Baby and Pet Cemetery at the same time. It kept me interested through the whole story. I liked your' better than the first place winner but that's my opinion. I'd like to be a fan and read more. Congratulations on second place. A great story to read.


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
    Thank you. The input means a lot to me. :)

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  26
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
That was horrific! If I don't sleep tonight, I know who to blame. I didn't even see that coming, not until almost the end. I'd hate to see this on the television being acted out. If you don't win this, then something is really wrong. It truly is the best or worst, depending which way you look at it, horror story I've ever read! Good luck in the contest, though I don't think you need it. :) Sandra x


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2016


Comment by
emptypage
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oy vey.

Well, you scared the bejesus out of me. And I guess that was the point.

I was quite entertained with the story, especially in the beginning. The interchange between Rachel and her mother sounded a little too familiar--like my own mother fighting with me--but, then, that's what made it relatable.

The second half, with Cindy, was good, but a little slow paced. May I suggest condensing some of the story to keep pace with the first half? The best way of doing this would be with more direct dialogue. You write dialogue well. I think you could follow the best writing advice (show, don't tell!) simply by getting rid of most of the narration and having Rachel speak her thoughts aloud to Cindy, even if Cindy rarely replies. It would be easy to have her ask her sister, "Cindy, is that a man? Is he living here? Has he hurt you?" Cindy's reactions and responses might contribute to the chill factor of the story, as well, without giving anything away, but by letting Rachel ask all the questions the reader might be having.

In any case, the writing is pretty good. I'm a big horror fan, especially of the great Stephen King. I like this stuff. And technically, I see no issues in need of fixing. Keep up the good work.










 Comment Written 12-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 12-Nov-2016
    Me too (horror fan). Have you read Stephen King's son, Joe Hill? I suggest starting with NOS4A2. Scarier than his dad.




reply by emptypage on 12-Nov-2016
    I have it on my Kindle, but it's 12th or 13th in line, LOL.
Comment by
Matthew Franklin
Premier Author
 
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Excellent
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Wow.. this story really went a different direction than I thought it would. Really great writing. It was very suspenseful. It started out well and you kept enough mystery about what was going to captivate the reader. Definitely not my normal type of read but very well done.


 Comment Written 12-Nov-2016


Comment by
mbroyles2
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oh my!
I love the suspense.
Sugarbaby the demon child.
I've never lost a child, but I most certainly can understand how a fragile mind can snap.
Behind the horror is a real message that all of us should recognize the calling signs and reach out to those in need.
Before more sugarbabies come to life.
Good job!


 Comment Written 12-Nov-2016


Comment by
trumby
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
WOW! That truly was a GENUINE horror/Halloween story.
A fresh approach to an old classic.
At first, I felt sympathy for Cindy having spent a lot of time around people just like her, as a drug counselor. Then I recognized her for what she truly is. Just another addict.
The story was built well with all "T's" crossed and all "I's" dotted.


 Comment Written 12-Nov-2016


Comment by
barleygirl
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
The structure of your writing is spot-on & your storytelling is an original version of this genre, not sounding like typical macabre tales (a good thing). I felt the opening paragraphs contained quite a bit of description & back story . . . it might've drawn in the reader more readily if starting with the immediate situation & jumping right into the back-and-forth of dialogue. Also, using blah-blah-blah, check . . . blah-blah-blah, check . . . is a tired over-used riff . . . why not start out freshly original, like the rest of your story?

Your dialogue is well-done, revealing the bubbling animosity between sisters, which then provides the impetus for the horrors to come. I like the graphic gory description of the wounds, toward the end of the story . . . just enuf gore, but not too dramatic or overdone with gratuitous blood & guts.


 Comment Written 11-Nov-2016


Comment by
clsandau
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
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Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
WOW!! This was quite the story. Didn't know from one moment to the next what was going to happen. It moved along very smoothly with great descriptions, but then towards the end all sorts of drama and horror. Wasn't quite expecting that! Very well done and hopefully you will do well in the contest. Blessings, Carol


 Comment Written 11-Nov-2016


Comment by
sweetwoodjax
 
Review Stars
  
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
this is an excellent write, pit viper, you did an excdellent job writing this story about the woman who created her own little creature to love after her son died, very creative and scary. good luck in the contest


 Comment Written 06-Nov-2016


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