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Reviews from
The Missing Scion--Pt 1


A W.W.Peel noir story.

  33 total reviews 
Comment by
giraffmang
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2018 2nd for short works
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  Rank:  165
 
Exceptional
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Excellent piece of writing, lee, but no surprise there.

great opening gambit and the tone is spot on. the dialogue exchanges are super - no one does this like you.

the erasure-tattered Times crossword - simple, revealing and very nice.

My clientele leans more toward the half-slip, seamed-stocking, bad marriage set--I'd add 'gum-snapping' to the description, but I so abhor stereotypes. - the last four words makes this a great line.

Great stuff
G


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 03-Nov-2016
    Thanks so much, G. I think we share a sense of humor and timing. The 'stereotype' line has floated over many a head.

    I always appreciate your reviews. You are a real writer.

    Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
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I was left in a dumpster and then they gave me a sex change! I think the $7.000.000 and change is mine!!! LOL!!! I've just seen this in my messages, great story, now to find out if they realise it was me all along! :) W.W.Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Sandra. Hey, I'm the real Simon Wherever Whoever. The next 7 mil I come across is yours. I'm glad you're enjoying.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
TheWriteTeach
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Lee,
Sorry to be getting to this so long after you posted. I've been working on my own piece and got way behind in my reviewing.

I LOVE this story! It is reminiscent of Dashiell Hammett's, The Maltese Falcon with Sam Spade as the PI, and a lady client, looking for her sister. As I read, I turned W.W. Peel's look and voice into Humphrey Bogart. I couldn't read this fast enough to see what happened, and then it ended - all too quickly. I can't wait for part two.

This is very well written. Through clever use of dialogue and descriptive narrative, this piece moves along at a good pace. The snappy back-n-forth conversation between the characters captures the readers' interest, and keeps it all the way through. I am not a big fan of first person POV because so often it isn't done correctly. However, you've done a fine job of using first person POV, and I enjoyed it very much. The misquote of Poe's raven was absolutely hysterical.

I noticed a couple of spags. Don't know if it was done on purpose or just an omission - you left off/out the period after the abbreviation Mr. . I noticed it with Mr Peel and with Mr Goode.

Excellent piece, Lee, absolutely excellent.

Suzanne


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Suzanne. I understand how daunting the reviewing can be. Can't let it interfere with one's own writing.
    I've always loved the noir writers like Hammett, Carver, Cain. And I admit, Peel's voice, when I hear it in my ear, has that distinctive Bogie lisp. And Telma sounds suspiciously like Lauren Bacall.
    Fear not, fair lady, Part Two is near completion. I'm hoping to wrap it up in three installments.
    After much cajoling from my friends overseas, I've decided to follow their example, and 'drop the stop'
    after Mr and Mrs. Time we Americans fell into line. After all we don't place a period after Ms, do we?

    I'm really glad you enjoyed. Stay tuned.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
sandragee
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Poe, Dickens. It seems Mr. Peel is a well-read PI. He also uses words like 'concentric' in everyday conversation. Colorful dialogue and nice banter between 'brother' and 'sister'. Well done. Looking forward to Part 2.

A suggestion:
Simon was kidnapped in 1924. In 1953 he should have been twenty-nine, not nineteen.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    Thank you, sandragee. I'm glad you're enjoying. Part 2 is near completion. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  40
 

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Hi Lee, wonderful, absolutely wonderful. Right up your street I would say. I love it. Now I have to wait to see what this is really about unless it's to be taken on face value. We'll see. Can't wait. So hurry up please. So very well written. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    Thanks so much, Ulla. Right up my street, indeed. Fear not, fair lass, Part 2 is nearing completion. I'm delighted you are enjoying. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Sheik S. Peer
 
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I haven't gotten much business, period. So, when she knocked on my doorjamb, I assumed she must be lost.

I've never seen doorjamb spelled like this. I would have typed
door-jam, but spell check is different depending on where one lives!


She displayed no concern whatever about catching my cooties.
(whatsoever) ?

This was authentic to the time period, in dialogue and setting. The author wove an easy carpet of words, actions and dialogue and description of the setting. A quick read and interesting story.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 01-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Sheik. Yes, things get spelled differently depending upon time and place. In W.W. Peel's world, doorjamb is appropriate. By the same token, 'whatsoever' , though correct, is not in his vernacular. And since he's telling the story, I afford him reasonable leeway.

    I'm glad you enjoyed. I hope you'll stay tuned.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
robyn corum
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 Rank:  7
 

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Lee,

I always enjoy your stories, but this one has a better lead in, even, than most. *smile* Fascinating. Who knows where this story will take us. Since it's noir, I'm hoping no one dies toooo soon!


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Robyn. Hey, Mr Goode, and Old Lady Wently Wentworth are already dead. I figured that was enough death for 1500 words. Part 2 may be different. I'm nearing completion. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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Exceptional
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The diversity of genre skills in telling entertaining and memorable characters and stories, hw, is truly remarkable and outstanding. Peel is one of my favorite humpwhistle characters, so I was exciting to read this post. Love the Noir dialect and it can't help but plant black and white images in my brain with some of my favorite actors/actresses. But you add so much to the storytelling by throwing in your humor...just two examples of many...

She sashayed in as if the floor was rolling.

The snub-nose snickered.

You add an underbelly of spark to the story.

An engrossing start to this tale with a scent of the Hudson River to lure all your hungry cats.
Look forward to more. (Sister-smister)
Smiles,
Indy :-)




 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 01-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Indy. I've missed W.W. too. Or is it W-two? Or W-2? Or is he really Simon Wently Wentworth?
    I wasn't sure anyone would get the 'snub-nose snickered' line. One of my favorites. Thanks again. Working on Part 2.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
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Engaging! Once again, rich characters and dialogue carried my interest. You take an old familiar subject, PI noir, and breath new life into it with humor and creativity. I can see and hear your characters. Their language is rich and evocative.

This missing scion noir has legs.

Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    Thank you, Andre. And his 'sister' has legs, too. I like to play in this genre. It's ideal for innuendo-laden dialogue. I created Peel several years ago, and return to him when I need a noir fix. I'm glad you enjoyed. Part 2 is nearing completion. Peace, Lee

reply by Sis Cat on 02-Nov-2016
    Your professionalism and experience shows.
Comment by
Craigitar
 
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One thing you have to say about 'gumshoes'--the harder boiled they are, the funnier they talk. They're practically unintelligible. Good writin', HW. Looking forward to part 2. I hope Peel doesn't put a move on Telma. It's pretty creepy him eyeballing legs that could be his sister's.

Craig


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2016


reply by the author on 02-Nov-2016
    You get it, Craig. Peel is so much fun to write because both of us have our tongues wedged in our cheeks. Part 2 is very near completion. Thanks a lot. Peace, Lee
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