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Reviews from
The Hangman's Noose.

Australia's worst bushranger.

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
Relda Halbert
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Kay - I really like this historical story. It made me feel like I was in 1800's Australia. It was colorful and realistic.
Enjoyed reading it a lot.
God bless and my best,
Relda


 Comment Written 23-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 25-Nov-2016
    Hello Relda, Thank you so much for dropping in to read my story. Glad you enjoyed. Blessings, Kay XX
Comment by
heisemg
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
45 years ago I heard a song sung in a bar in Southeast Missouri called the "The ballad of Ned Kelly." This was long before the internet so researching him was not easy. All I learned was he was an Australian folk hero like Robin Hood. You filled in the blanks and reminded me that I needed to do some research. I am off to check you tube and see if I can find that song. I liked it. Enjoyed your paper


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
    Thanks so much for reading. 45 years is a long, long time ago to research Ned Kelly. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. Cheers from Oz xx Kay.
Comment by
McCat
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Good work. This is written as good as any Western can be. Just please allow me to make a few pointers.
'
"Ned Kelly was a folk hero to the poor and destitute people living rough in bush lean-to's. Rough huts made from tree bark."
These two sentences need to be combined. I would suggest changing the period to a dash.
"Whenever he held up a stagecoach or a rich couple; happily riding in their fancy buggy. Ned always shared the spoils with those licking the boots of the gentry."
These should also be joined together. Change both the semi-colon and the first period to commas.
"He were the most wanted outlaw in Melbourne town."
Unless you are telling the story from inside Ned's thoughts and he isn't good at grammar, 'were' should be 'was'.
"For five days the bullets flew backwards and forwards;"
I understand what you're saying here, but 'back and forth' would be better phrasing, instead on making it sound as though the bullets were moving backwards.
"The Inspector grinned to himself, he had been chasing Ned for eleven months."
Here you need punctuation that indicates a longer, or more definitive pause. I'm sure a dash, semi-colon, or maybe even a regular colon would work.
Excellent job on the story though. You wrote it as good as a history book or even a screen play would make it sound.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
    Thanks so much for a real review. Punctuations marks are important. Best wishes, Kay.
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 3 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  260 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  24
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  238
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there,

You may want to look at changing the category for this one as it isn't presented as a script but as a short story.

Screenplays and scripts don't include things such as 'battered head' and 'he hurt all over'. They are in many ways a simple bare bones of basic direction and dialogue. It is quite hard for prose writers to adjust to this as you basically have to eliminate most of what makes a good descriptive story from the work. the reasons for such are to allow for interpretation and vision for the actor and director.

"Ned? Is that you boyo? - needs closing speech marks here.

"So, what happens next?" Croaked Ned - croaked.

living rough in bush lean-to's. - lean-tos is just a plural and needs no apostrophe.

Whenever he held up a stagecoach or a rich couple; happily riding in their fancy buggy. Ned always shared the spoils with those licking the boots of the gentry. - this should all be one sentence. As it is the first sentence doesn't finish/go anywhere.

He were the most wanted outlaw in Melbourne town.
- He was.

Ned's intention to hold up the train His gang sat around in the nearby Hotel; - need a full stop after train.

This doesn't work as a script as a lot of this couldn't be translated to the screen or stage and there is too much description for the purpose.

All the best
GMG


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
    Thank you for your in-depth review and suggestions. I hope you liked the story. Cheers, Kay.
Comment by
chcbeck
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I really enjoyed learning about Ned Kelly and loved the style in which you have written the piece. I loved the attention to detail. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
    Thanks so much for reading, glad you enjoyed a little bit of Aussie history. Blessings, Kay.
Comment by
trimple
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  125
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  105
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello there, Aussie

Ned Kelly is synonymous with our Robin Hood, here in the UK.
They both stole from the rich to feed to the poor and the legend lives on.

Personally speaking, I don t know who the good guys from the bad guys are anymore...

I enjoyed not only reading your re-enactment of times passed, but also the lingo used throughout.

Good luck in the contest :)

Kind regards

trimple


 Comment Written 18-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 18-Nov-2016
    Hello trimple, Thanks so much for reading, so glad you enjoyed. I believe Robin was a real person just like Ned. UK is my favourite place! Bless you, Kay.

reply by trimple on 18-Nov-2016
    Hi there, Kay

    Indeed, Ned Kelly was without doubt very real, however, Robin Hood is a bit of a long shot :)

    No doubt there were robbers, but... :)

    The pleasure was all mine, mate.

    trimple :)
Comment by
lancellot
Level 1 Pro
The goal in life is to be better today
than you were yesterday.
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  97
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  17
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  35
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  37
 
Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hmm, you have a good beginning. You give the reader some background on Ned and why he is in the cell.

I'm not sure if that is enough for a complete story, as it is missing many other elements.

Also, for contest purposes, I would suggest actually showing Ned 'wake up'.

I would suggest adding the other elements and increasing this into a full story. The premise you have is good.


 Comment Written 13-Nov-2016



reply by the author on 13-Nov-2016
    This was released before I had time to finish the story. Thanks for dropping in - haven't had a 3 star since I was born! Hee, Hee.
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