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All rhymes, but different flavors of rhyme

  28 total reviews 
Comment by
Pili Pubul
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
Excellent my friend and I can very much relate to the feeling of chaos swimming through the stores that you so well relate, until peace and the true feeling of Christmas finally arrived! Thank you so much for sharing !

"should mean to me. My step regained its spring,
the speakers piped "The Little Drummer Boy",
and I recalled my faith in Christ the King.
Somehow renewed, I listened to the song,
donated money, dropped a final toy,
and left the mall?but now I hummed along."


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
shelley kaye
taking each day
a night at a time
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
and a very merry christmas to you too!!

i liked this
it had a great message
and lots of humor too

just like a man to wait til the last minute LOL!! ;)


nice write
thank ou for sharing :)


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
mfwilkie
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
Yesterday,
I checked my mail and saw his name again;
An afterthought, this post script from my friend?
Intriguing, since the season's beckonings,
left little time for ordinary things.
Two messages, one short, it brought a smile;
The other one, I wished, went on for miles
And miles. More well turned words! More cyber leaves
Of voice-filled space! My muse near died of grief
By poem's end.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
Storyweaver
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
I like this, the way it reads is almost like free verse, the rhyme and meter is there but not so heavy that it distracts from the words. I think this form is a great way to showcase the story within and still give it a nice subtle flow.
Great job
Weaves.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
Louanne
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
Great stuff, as always. Enjoyed following
you on this rare trip to the mall, the images
and your way with words, make it fun to
tag along. I like the way the trip which you
were dreading turned into something so
positive bringing you round to the true meaning
of Christmas.

Very nice, David; so glad to have you stop by.
making a very nice touch to the end of a year
for me on fanstory. Thanks for being here during
my time and for all the lessons I learned from
reading your wonderful work and from your honest
reviews! All the best to you always!


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
Donaya Haymond
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
What a lovely Christmas poem. You could never make a good Scrooge, Marillion - you're entirely too romantic and sensitive and giving for it. I enjoyed this very much.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
lerkun
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
hello david, It would probably benefit from an audio reading. Just reading it without speaking I thought the enjambment was a bit ott...It made the flow all stop start.
It is good and I have no doubt it is metrically perfect it's almost like there is too much going on.. internal rhyme, line ending and enjambment ...very busy...


Hope you have a lovely Christmas

be well


lerk

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
fortescue
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
I love the half-rhyme of Gandalf and Rudolph, Marillion, and once again, you show your growth and depth in penning such a wonderful piece. Congrats.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
Nelliebelle
 
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
Wow, what an incredible journey back into the Christmas spirit, Marillion. Not many could write in such form, yet so complete. Amazing work.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


Comment by
Lost Angel
 
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Rating of Chapter 25 -
The Meaning
I really needed to read this, Marillion. I almost didn't come on today, but I'm so glad I did. The true meaning of Christmas is lost to so many.


 Comment Written 25-Dec-2005


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