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Reviews from
Simon Brewster (Part 3)


Ms Flaherty, doughnuts, and Salamander

  26 total reviews 
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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  Rank:  84
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  Rank:  128
 
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Great descriptions Of Giovanni, gives us a very visual picture of this sleaze bag. This story moves along at a fast pace, and I couldn't help but feel for poor Jen. Great read and good luck with it.
cheers


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2017
    Thank you, Pearl. I truly appreciate your fine review.

    :) ellen
Comment by
write hand blue
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  Rank:  518
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Ellen, nearly missed this. But glad I didn't. I found the characterisation of the Italian gangster Giovanni outstanding. An excellent visual, I could see this monster of a man as if he was on the screen in front of me. His menacing way with women and deadly aura with Simon his attorney was unsettling. The story unfolds as Simon sends the code word Salamander to his wife. I feel he has much to hide and/or knows too much...

~Mel~ xx


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you, Mel.
    This is coming along slowly. A mystery of sorts. Something new for me.
    I appreciate your six star support on what's becoming a very difficult plot line.

    How's winter treating you? Are you off for warmer weather?
    It's chilly for us here. I'm all bundled up.

    Best wishes to you all,

    :) e xxx
Comment by
Writingfundimension
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Exceptional
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Hi, Ellen

I like the quick pace of the chapter. I'm not sure why Giovanni would confide in Simon to the extent he did, but apparently it was enough to get Simon to consider moving his family far, far away. Great descriptions of the bad guy making the reader really find him disgusting.

:) Bev


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you so much, Bev, for your generous six star review.

    Love,
    :) ellen

reply by Writingfundimension on 09-Dec-2016
    You're very welcome, Ellen, as always.

    :) Bev
Comment by
F. Wehr3
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You've got a great character in Giovanni. He's repulsive and despicable. Can't wait to see how you hook this part with the first. Well done!

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you so much, Russell, for your generous six star review.

    Love,
    :) ellen
Comment by
CEO2020
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Oh, you redeemed yourself from Part 2 with this one. The heightened moments are back with suspenseful tones dangling in the right places. Excellent story!


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you for a lovely review.
    :) e
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Mary Wakeford
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Exceptional
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Hi Ellen, what a great this is. As a reader, I felt for the lawyer and his girl Friday throughout the Giivanni piss-off. Exceptional dialogue, scene description, character reaction and story progression.

The only suggestion would be here:

"Thank you, Jen. You can take the rest of the day off and have earned a week's paid vacation." Finally, I pulled the safe open and began stuffing money into my brief case.

"Thank you, sir. Thank you."

"Before you go, cancel my appointments for the day."

It seems out of whack with the previous paragraph when he directs her to have the document couriered to Fitch & Nettle--call them every thirty minutes to make sure they're on it, and once returned, file it with court...

Then he calls her thirty minutes later to no answer, assuming she's already left.

Perhaps change the initial paragraph giving her the rest of the day off, something to the effect of... as soon as the matter is settled, you've earned a week's vacation and leave out the past of her leaving early.

You have created a despicable creep. Great read. I fear for the girl Friday and her boss being framed.


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you so much, Mary, for your generous six star review.
    I did a bit of a re-write. I'll fix the conflicting info. Great catch.

    Love,
    :) ellen
Comment by
TheWriteTeach
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Ellen,

Excellent chapter. This is very well written. It transitions well from scene to scene. Your dialogue is believable, not contrived. You have plenty of action going on to keep things moving along at a fast speed. Giovanna seems to be your typical gangster. It is very clear Simon is scared to death of him. Apparently Simon and Giovanna are old acquaintances - a history the reader isn't privy too, yet. You are building good tension. Simon's fear seems to be deeper than just this visit. It must be something terrible to make him flee the country, and send his wife a code word to leave.

Good job. Looking forward to the next installment.

Suzanne


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you so much, Suzanne.

    :) e
Comment by
light
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I think Brewster is in a heap of Trouble with Giovanni. He could be hyped up on a sugar from eating all those donuts. At any rate, I am anxious to see where you go with this. It sounds intriguing.
Elaine


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you, Elaine.
    :) e
Comment by
mfowler
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A great set of combinations, give this chapter a deliberately censured response to everything being discussed. The criminal lines he offers to Jen invites, pisses her off, and then leaves her confused. That Simon knew him passably well, only made her nervous. That he's on the phone to Jen at almost the same time keeps her control.

Later, Simon talks to Jen carefully. He's reserved but indicates how his presence disturbed him. The secretary suggests ways for Brewster to escape.

A moving and challenging read.


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you so much, Mark, for your generous six star review.

    Love,
    :) ellen
Comment by
Ulla
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#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
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Hi Ellen, I like this story a lot and you are building it up slowly to let us follow along and to get the finer point. I don't like this Giovanni character. Wonderfully written. I'm looking forward to what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2016
    Thank you, Ulla.
    :)e
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