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Reviews from
Uncle Butch and Skeezix


A sideways Christmas carol.

  35 total reviews 
Comment by
GoodHearted Woman
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Your gift for writing and story-telling is such a joy in my life. I just never want them to end. I would like to write LIKE you write but that's not possible, for me, either. Nonetheless, I practice and when I do come up with "a good one" I get really happy. Incidentally, I loved your 'yawning tulip' in this story! The short short that comes just before the barber story is my favorite so far, but I can't recall the name, and hanging on to something is very much like trying to hold a wet fish still.I think the Lord for your wonderful talent.GoodHearted Woman


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2017


Comment by
Contests
 
 

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.


 Comment Written 03-Jan-2017


Comment by
IndianaIrish
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  197
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
How can anyone read this story and not be touched by the magnificence of this story? You open with a true grabber. You bring to life the details of a family from a time when love was what everyone screamed we needed, while death reigned in a far away jungle and all around us at home. Your story is complete in every way. Know what I mean? Outstanding characters, humor, emotion, and a story that will be remembered long after reading. How can anyone read this story and not award all the stars possible? Exceptional in all ways, hw.
Smiles,
Indy :-)


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    Ah, thank you, Indy. This story took me some time to write. I wanted to weave in strands of my own reality. Much of the 'family' stuff, like creamed chipped glop, is real. Howard, Butch, and Burnham are all real family names. Butch was a Marine. Burnham joined a monastery. But they were different people, and both were my cousins. And the rest is pure fiction.
    In 1968, I was older than Skeezix would have been. But the details of the era helped me keep the story genuine.
    I'm so glad you enjoyed. When I write 'personal' stuff, I always hope certain 'people' will get it.

    Thanks again.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
dweigt
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Fantastic. I like the smart-aleck narrator.

Just a few unneeded suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em.

"Good news," Mom interjected with the same hopeful smile she used whenever she forced me to swallow cough medicine--"It's wild cherry flavor, Jackie. Your favorite!"

Yeah, right after buffalo barf. -- I'm not sure you need the separate paragraph and italics here. We are deep in his POV, so we know this would be his thought.


"Just news," Dad repeated, -- technically he isn't repeating himself, so I don't like the choice of tags here.


She said, "Don't look at me, Skeezix, just eat your supper." -- You could probably lose this tag.


"You heard the Commandant, Skeezix," said the soldier, "you're to address me as Uncle Butch." -- Should be: "You heard the Commandant, Skeezix," said the soldier. "You're to address me as Uncle Butch."


He side glanced me. -- Would "side-glanced" be better?


"Yeah. Me and Walter Cronkite," I lied.-- The "Walter Cronkite" makes it clear he is not serious, so do you need to tell us he is lying?

It happened in Nam -- Should this have a leading apostrophe? -- 'Nam

in country -- should be in-country.

Great story. Deserves a win! Keep writing!


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    Thanks for this terrific review, dweigt. All of your suggestions are valid and appreciated. Tags can be problematic for me. Sometimes I add them only for the casual reader's benefit. The dedicated reader usually skips over speech tags anyway--at least I do. Tags are my version of 'Leave No Child Behind'.

    Thank you again. I'm glad you enjoyed.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
F. Wehr3
Recognized Writer
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  24
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Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  455
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent work! I always enjoy your work, but this one was one of the best I've read from you. Great asides and humor, too many to list. I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. Best of luck in the contest.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
    thanks so much, Russell. I did spend a bit more time with this story--I'm glad you feel it was worth it. I really appreciate the 6-star galaxy. Peace, Lee
Comment by
c_lucas
 
Review Stars
  
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I trust you are going to be a trailblazer and take up a writing profession. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
    Thanks so much for the galaxy, Charlie. Much appreciated. I think I'm a little too wilted to embark on a new vocation. Writing is the fun part. It's the rest of the job that would wear me out. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Joy Graham
I think in ink
Write on!
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  91
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very powerful story, Lee. Yes it was long, but it was well worth the time. Those soldiers came back with a lot of troubles. I like that Uncle Butch decided to help his fellow soldiers. He got better instead of bitter. I think this is a fantastic Christmas story for the contest.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
    thank you, Joy. I'm glad you enjoyed, and got my message. Better instead of bitter--I like that. Thank you again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
frogbook
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Fabulous as always my friend. A surprising and touching story true to the times. Full of nostalgia and humor with a touch of emotion on the side. Should be a winner.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2016
    thanks very much, frogbook. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Mabaker
Premier Author
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  56 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  253
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
That was very clever. I enjoyed it and I got the moral that was hidden in the top bunk. It was written so well it could have been true or just a damn good imagination, whichever it was clever. Hope you do/did well in the contest. Sincerely Mabaker.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
    Thank you, Mabaker. The story is fiction, but all fiction needs to be sprinkled with truth. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Heidi M
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
What a great story. It read smoothly and offered a unique take on Christmas.
A couple of my favorite lines:
Losers with a capital oozers
I nearly dee-deed right there. I probably pee-peed.
As usual, your characterizations are top notch and drive your story.
'I couldn't ma(k)e reasonable deductions'


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2016
    Thanks so much, Heidi. I can't tell you how many times I've read and re-read this story. Thanks for the spag alert.
    I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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