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Reviews from
Not Sure Yet


Free verse poems

  29 total reviews 
Comment by
seaglass
 
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
Love this descriptive poem. This describes the scenery I have almost every day here on the coast. And yes that chill that comes with the fog reaches all the way to the center of my bone. Love the simplicity of this piece


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
    Oh yes, I remember you live in Crescent City. This picture is from a helicopter overlooking L.A. - not as lovely as where you live. I love fog!
    Carol
Comment by
Joan E.
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 Rank:  12
 
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
I live on the coast and you captured the sense of being engulfed in the "marine layer". Now, I know why we do not often hear crickets! The picture you selected reinforces your description well. Cheers- Joan


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
    Lol, the crickets hide when the fog blows in :))
    thanks, Joan!
    Carol
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  17
 
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
Hi Carol. What a beautiful photo. Is it one of yours? Your poem is descriptive and well written, as always. Very enjoyable. Each line offers a treat for the reader. Last line makes a statement. Marilyn


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
    The photo was taken from a helicopter of a news guy that we know at work - overlooking LA, of course. Isn't it a good one? I ought to put his name on there.
    Carol
Comment by
Treischel
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
Definitely a Tanka, only 5-7-4-7-7 which is an acceptable variation to the format. The thirty one syllables is the maz limit. I smiled at the cricket line, great unexpected turn.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
    Lol, I know the cricket line kind of made it for me, otherwise it wouldn't have gone in the book. Thanks, Tom!
    Carol
Comment by
Pantygynt
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#3 Ranked Novelist
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
This is only 'ish' if you accept that L3 must provide that satori moment of enlightenment in addition to the pivot. If the line involving the crickets could be reduced to three syllables like 'even crickets chill'. you would have the makings of a real tanka as opposed to an 'ish' one.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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#4 Ranked Author

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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
A very descriptive tanka with great visuals written within -- a cool thing that it was written for a friend. Thank you for sharing with all of us - Yvette :)


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


Comment by
CD Richards
 
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
Firstly, I just have to say I think "Not Sure Yet" is a great title for a book. Who is sure? Only megalomaniacs, most probably ;-)

That's a terrific picture you've found to accompany your tanka, Carol. It could almost be a scene from a Stephen King novel. Your words do an excellent job of creating shivers in the reader. Very nice job.

Craig


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
    Ha ha, I wrote the title thinking, I'm not sure what I would call this so it's not an actual title. But it could be, I guess :)

    The picture is actually from a helicopter overlooking Los Angeles with the fog coming in. I honestly included this poem in the book just because of the last line - even the crickets are cold, lol.

    Thanks, Craig :))
    Carol
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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  Rank:  6
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
I enjoyed your tanka-ish poem, Carol. Your words create great imagery. I could see the fog and feel the dampness. Your picture choice is perfect for your well-thought out words. Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2019
    Thank you, Jan! Much appreciated :))
    Carol
Comment by
susand3022
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  Rank:  46 (+3)
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  Rank:  24
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  Rank:  27
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  13
 

#7 Ranked Script Writer
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Rating of Chapter 17 -
Fog Blows Onshore
Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basically sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember... LEARNING IS EARNING!


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2019
    You decide...

    Carol

reply by susand3022 on 10-Jan-2019
    Hi Ciliverde, I liked your "Tanka-ish" poem. That photo is stunning! I live on the water and have never seen anything quite like that! Your poem had good word choices, it is very descriptive. I would suggest perhaps adding "a" to the beginning of your center line to bring the number of syllables to 5. It's funny....I do hate that damp chill of fog. It somehow gets into your bones, even in the summertime. Well done. :)

reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019
    Hi, thank you for the suggestion, I will take a look. I actually love fog, and I miss living on the northern California coast where fog is very common. Carol
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