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Reviews from
The Piper


Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Piper, part 9"

Young Adult Fantasy

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
May 1
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  392
 
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Great job in describing Burkehart's frustration. Haha, I love Summerstorm he is such fun to read about. Secret passages are always so interesting to read about. Great way to end the chapter.


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
    Hi May 1,
    Thank you once again for going back to read the earlier chapters of this story. You comments just make my day! Thank you so much.
    Debi
Comment by
sunnilicious
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  214
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  572
 
Excellent
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I like the introduction and followup on previous chapters. Really, it's not necessary. You're just so nice to inform the readers. This installment stands alone well. Great visual imagery. Good narration with dialogue. Dreamy, romantic ending. Lovely work.


 Comment Written 18-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
    I am so pleased you found the ending dreamy and romantic. Thank you for the kind comments about the imagery, narration and dialog. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment by
rspoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  35
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Review Stars
  Rank:  107
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A wonderful chapter!
"You were seen here; you were seen there.
One person even claimed you disappeared through this window."
Sounds like the elusive Scarlett Pimpernel, by Baroness Orczy
I used that line in a poem once.
"Faerie dust? Hmm. You have quite an imagination, Captain."
The gentle taunting by Summerstorm works very nicely.
Those hidden passageways certainly help in being elusive.
It seems Piper is descended from a long line of gifted musicians
whose gift goes far beyond mere music.
Perhaps to the realm of magic and faerie dust.
Excellent writing,
Looking forward to the next episode of The Piper
RS


 Comment Written 19-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
    Hi RS,

    Your review is delightful to read. Thank you for the beautiful six stars! They are much appreciated. Thank you for pointing out the parts you like in this chapter. It helps to know what works.

    It's been years since I've read the Scarlett Pimpernel, but it may be time to get it out again. I remember I really liked the story. It is a wonderful classic.

    I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season.
Comment by
Pam (respa)
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  18
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  Rank:  42
Review Stars
  Rank:  29
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
-Excellent chapter, Debi.
-Burkehart is beside himself, looking here and there, trying to figure out the moves of the Fae, which is impossible--he even figured he must have used fairy dust to get down from where he was.
-Too many archways to contend with, as well.
-Then Summerstorm is in this passageway with such beautiful artwork where the music guild was.
-He finds the secret stone that Raymond had shown him, and he met with success.
-Part of the mystery is we don't know exactly where the secret door leads to, unless it had served some purpose years ago, maybe a secret music society or something like it.
-He wants to hear the music, esp. from Piper, and he is relieved no one has heard or seen him.
-It seems he is enchanted himself as he heard Piper play.
-Now, what is it he wants from Piper---perhaps to capture his musical ability, somehow?
-We are left to wonder.


 Comment Written 19-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
    Hi Pam,
    Thank you for the wonderful six star rating. Your encouragement means a lot. Please excuse the late response as I was away and didn't have much access to a computer.

    I hope your holiday season is wonderful and full of joy.

    Debi

reply by Pam (respa) on 26-Dec-2016
    You are welcome, Debi. No problem with lateness. I am not posting until after the New Year, but am trying to keep up with stories.
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I thought this was excellent. From Redd-Leif's humor to all of the descriptive work you've done, I was enchanted. I picked out two sentences for punctuation questions.

He stopped across from the chambers of the Grand Master of the Music Guild, and paused to admire the door with the figures that appeared to move in the flickering light.--I think you don't need the comma before and because the second part lacks a subject. What do you think?

If he remembered correctly, a huge tapestry draped the wall and he could easily slip out of the passageway without being noticed. --I would suggest a comma before and because both parts form a complete sentence.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 19-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
    Hi Russell,

    How delightful to come home and find this great review. I am sorry for the delay in responding, but have not had access to my computer.

    I have made the corrections you suggested. Thank you so much for the attention to detail. It is most helpful

    Thank you for the shiny six stars! It means a lot to me. I am pleased to hear you enjoy Redd-Leif's humor and that you find the story enchanting.

    I appreciate you following the story.

    Debi
Comment by
ciliverde
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A great chapter, I wish it kept going. I loved the descriptions of Summerstorm's entry into and out of the old passageway. I wonder what he's up to? I can't wait to learn more :))
Carol


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
    Hi Carol,
    Ther is no higher praise and encouragement I could receive than that of wishing the story would keep going. Thank you for mentioning what you like. I appreciate you following the story.
    Debi

reply by ciliverde on 18-Dec-2016
    It's my pleasure, the story is very good!
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  146 (+1)
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  Rank:  106
 
Excellent
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You do a fine job of not rushing this piece, but taking time to follow the villain as he finds the secret passage. Marvelous details. I'm impressed. Have you searched YouTube flutists to see if you could find some young man who plays like we imagine Piper does?


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    Hi Shari,
    I have not searched YouTube, but that is a good idea. Thank you so much for the encouraging comments about the writing and the details. Since I consider you such a good writer, I find it especially uplifting to hear.

reply by Spitfire on 16-Dec-2016
    Thanks for the compliment.

reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    :)
Comment by
DonandVicki
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  Rank:  51
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Review Stars
  Rank:  450
 
Excellent
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I like the way that you held my attention all the way through your story, I will have to go back and catch up on the rest of the work. Very smooth and well done.


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    It is so nice to hear that this held your attention and that you liked it, maybe even enough to read more. There is no higher compliment. Thank you.
    Debi
Comment by
KjSilver
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is fantastic writing. You have great style and emphatic righting. Your sentences are parallel and each one pulls from the one before. Flawless editing and a very interesting tale.

There was only one thing, but it is probably something I missed.

There were two points of view in this scene: Burkehart and Redd-Leif. Or was Redd-Leif following Burkehart and listening in the background?


 Comment Written 16-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    Thank you so much for the shiny six star rating and the encouraging comments. It is always so nice to see a bit of gold. :)


    Yes, there are two POV's in this chapter. I appreciate you pointing out the error in the editing. In my original I had a break between the two to indicate the change. Somehow I lost that in the transition over to FS. I have put a break between the two again. That should help point out that Burkehart was the original POV. He exists and we switch Redd-Leif's POV.
Comment by
Mastery
Published Author
Semper Fi
 
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  Rank:  10
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#10 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi, debi. This is excellent writing from start to finish. even though I am not a fan of fantasy fiction, I do appreeciate good writing and your story seems plausible given the story so far.

I like your use of strong images, like: "Burkehart slammed his gloved fist against the stone wall, then groaned and shook out the pain in his hand. Through gritted teeth he growled, "Where are you?" He stomped away, heading to the dining hall where the ceremony for Braun was being held."

And: "A hush fell over the audience as the first notes flowed from Piper's flute and embraced the emotions of those in the hall."

Suggestions: If possible, somehow use more dialogue throughout. As yopu know, dialogue "carries" a story.

Happy Holidays. Bob



 Comment Written 16-Dec-2016



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
    Thank you, Bob. I appreciate you taking the time to read and point out your favorite parts. Thank you too for the advice.

    Have a wonderful holiday season.

    Debi

reply by Mastery on 17-Dec-2016
    You too, debi. :) Bob
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