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Deadline: Jul 22nd

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Reviews from
Jerry Jing-Jang and the Bears


another JJJ adventure

  52 total reviews 
Comment by
Aiona
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  301 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  172
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  57
Script Rating
  Rank:  15
Review Stars
  Rank:  250
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I love poems that rhyme, and this one even tells a story. I love that you aren't afraid of vernacular! I could visualize his character easily. I didn't see any typos!


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 18-Sep-2019
    Thanks! I like to let characters talk the way I think they would. It makes them more real. If you like JJJ all his adventures are available in my portfolio.
Comment by
johnwilson
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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Excellent
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This looks and feels like a winner to me. Both funny and well-described in rhymes that work so well, this piece was enjoyable from beginning to end. I wouldn't change anything here!


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
    Thanks. JJJ is always a lot of fun. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment by
MissMerri
Merri, Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  25
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  233
 
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This is certainly a fun little story to read. I happen to be fond of cowboys anyway, so I was particularly hooked in from the start. The only complaint I might have is the meter is a little erratic, but the rhymes are consistent and excellent throughout and the dialogue was also fun and added a country flavor that was quite appealing. Sometimes it helps to count syllables and try to make the lines an equal number of syllables or at least close, or they can alternate, such as 8/6/8/6. Yours vary from 7 to 14 syllables which tends to make the rhythm a bit ragged. But the story moves right along and I'm sure this would appeal to younger readers especially.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
    Thanks. I'll see what I can do about those long lines. Glad you found JJJ fun.
Comment by
oliver818
Premier Author
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  Rank:  31 (+1)
Review Stars
  Rank:  41
 
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I don't think I've ever read a western poem before, haha. Very nice, I enjoyed it. Nice flow and imagery. Thanks for sharing and have a great day!


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
    Thanks. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. You have a great day too.
Comment by
rjuselius
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  239
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Review Stars
  Rank:  272
 
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haha. lol. this is an entertaining piece of poetry dear cindy! the story is compelling and keeps the reader in its hooks right thorugh the climax.
thank you fro sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
    Thanks. Jerry Jing-Jang is always so much fun. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment by
Ogden
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  122
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  130 (+1)
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  57
 
Excellent
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I enjoyed reading your poem/story of a cowboy, distracted by some bears, and better at catching fish than moving his herd. I have to admit, I wound up kind of confused about "Rusty," apparently up in a tree. I never heard of dogs that climb trees, but the cowboy spoke to the critter in the tree about not protecting the "cows," so, although the dog's name wasn't mentioned earlier, I decided that the Rusty in the tree is the cowboy's faithful, but not too stalwart dog.

Your poem has good humor, rhyming, and imagery (although not striving for authenticity). I think it reads like an old-fashion movie cartoon.

Don


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2017
    The critter in the tree was a bear cub. The dog was watching the cows and didn't see the bear. If you read some of JJJ's other adventures, you'll meet Rusty. He follows JJJ around trying to rustle the cattle. These adventures are mainly for the kids.
Comment by
Lu Saluna
Premier Author
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  483
 
Excellent
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This was a wonderful story. Bears are such scoundrels and very cute
Your poem rhymed very well and had excellent meter. The flow was wonderful.
A great story in a poem. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
    Thanks. So glad you enjoyed it.
Comment by
write hand blue
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
 
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  Rank:  166
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Review Stars
  Rank:  165
 
Excellent
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Well this one lucky cowboy could easily have been dinner for the bears. All they did was to steal his food and he didn't seem to mind. An interesting poem...

~Mel~


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
    I hadn't thought of it that way. Yep, at the very least he might have had to shoot a hole on his bedroll while the bear tried to unwrap him. He was pretty lucky. Thanks for the five.
Comment by
MsPetra
 
Review Stars
 
 
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You told an interesting story. Very well done. I wish there was more of it for me to read.
Please keep writing. I will be looking forward to future offerings from you.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
    Thanks. There's more of JJJ in my portfolio if you're interested. So glad you anjoyed it.

reply by MsPetra on 08-Jan-2017
    I definitely am interested. I will give them a read and a review when I have the time.
Comment by
DR DIP
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  52
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Hehe Nice story Cindy good flow and rhythm throughout Written in AABBCC rhyme scheme it suits the story poem perfectly Thanks for sharing

dip


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 08-Jan-2017
    Thanks. Glad you enjoyed.
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