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Reviews from
To Want More


What would you give to see that smile? (a poem)

  24 total reviews 
Comment by
Lovinia
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Dawn

This is exquisite. So lovely and you certainly capture the rapture and yet such humility that is mostly present when we are all young. So sick so early in life this little one perhaps has the right to be a bit self-absorbed or sorry for oneself, yet the thinking is a longing for the adventures and delights of life. I'm touched this one feels they may feel the need to ask permission if it is OK to hope and dream. I guess this really reflects the under-lying uncertainty and the courage, ever so gently and so subtly. This is what I do love about your writing, you can be up-front and bold, so hilarious, a little dark, all which is most enjoyable and yet your true gems are when that lovely melty heart of yours shines through. I fee your work here is so respectful, so genuine, so heartfelt, yet not soppy or mushy. Each line is well considered and conveys some delightful imagery, that even an adult can appreciate, yet you manage to convey the voice of a child in poor health but in good spirit. You have such a generous spirit and it is outstanding in this lovely verse. Superb technique, excellent theme, (maybe your work should be included in their marketing). Great presentation. Well done my friend. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo

PS I have been trying to remember to copy my review before pressing send as there does appear to be some difficulty getting this to save. Perhaps you should check with Tom. L :)


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
    Lovi, I have something to tell you, and it's important, my friend, so take it to heart, please!! No one has ever read a piece I have written better than this - you nailed the subtle hint I tried to infuse of just how beautiful (and humble) a child is, especially one like this - sick, knowing more than he or she should about what lies in their future. l guess the rest is evident, and anyone with good reading skills should get it, but that bit is what gets written between the lines, so to speak, - that you saw it touches me deeply.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind, thoughtful comments, and for seeing what so many do not. (It's like that with my second broken-heart concern too - the homeless - why are people so unfeeling, seemingly able to walk right by, or see right through that PERSON?)

    Yours is a fabulous heart, or you couldn't have caught it. And I am honored by your rating of this poem too.

    XX
    Dawn
Comment by
sandy montgomery
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Excellent
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I enjoyed this piece very much. The video and art added alot to the whole package. Your poem has great flow. Your rhymes are natural and unforced. Thank you for sharing your work.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017


Comment by
GWinterwin
 
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Good poem with a very special message. Good words to tell about wanting more. I think when people get sick that they think of all those things more. I can imagine a sick child wondering what all those things would be like. So hard for them to handle in their mind I suppose.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017


Comment by
Joan E.
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 Rank:  32
 
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Thank you for speaking in the voice of a sick child, who simply wants what everyone else does--an enriched life, filled with discoveries. I enjoyed your rhymed couplets as well. Smiles- Joan


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017


Comment by
Jackarrie
 
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Hi

I love how you highlight the sick children in your well written poem. Our children are precious and need to be protected for harm and cared for when they are ill. Thanks for sharing this wonderful enlightening poem.

Mary


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2017


Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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  Rank:  6
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 Rank:  53
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
St. Louis Chapter 18 part 1
Is Logan jealous???
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#6 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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I have tried two different times to read this poem. I keep being interrupted. The third time I was able to get by the first stanza. Thank you for being patient.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017


Comment by
William Ross
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  Rank:  454 (+2)
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Excellent
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very good, nicely rhymed with a great meter, we are never to old to do those things, we just have to flap our wings and go. thanks for the share and have a great day


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017


Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
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Sasha
 
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  Rank:  4
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 Rank:  80
 

#4 Ranked Author
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Having had cancer, I met several young children with various types of cancer. Some made it and others did not. What I remember the most is the amazing upbeat tone they always projected. I don't recall even one complaining other than not liking the food. This is beautifully written and touched my heart deeply. Keep up the great work. I hope your computer is working better now.


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017


Comment by
BeasPeas
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Your poem focuses on an excellent topic. Sick children is a particular kind of heartache. Each kid becomes a symbol of those in our own family. The Make a Wish Foundation, too, is one that figures out a way to give sick children the "more" they would like in their lives. Thank you for sharing the Sick Kids Hospital video. Marilyn


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017


Comment by
2017 Poet of the Year
Barb Hensongispsaca
Barb Henson
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  Rank:  8
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  Rank:  53
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  Rank:  59
 

#8 Ranked Poet
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I see this a lot at where I work and I thank Make A Wish Foundation, I just wish they could do more for more children. I talked to one that got back from Disneyworld and saw the power of that visit in her eyes. This is excellently done


 Comment Written 08-Jan-2017


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