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Reviews from
Legend of Timpanogos


Myth of the Mountain

  30 total reviews 
Comment by
Selina Stambi
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Debi,

This narrative poem is lo-o-ng -yes - but brilliantly executed. Beautiful rhythm, rhyme and run-on-lines.

A fabulous piece of poetry.

I really hope you win! Best wishes. xx

Sonali :)


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2017
    Hi Sonali,
    What a delightful surprise to find your review waiting for me. I didn't have anything active so it was unexpected. And a six star rating too! Thank you so much for brightening my day. I appreciate you taking the time to read this long poem and I am thrilled with your comments and with the rating you so generously have given. Thank you for the good luck wishes too. I appreciate it.
Comment by
ciliverde
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Exceptional
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FS has not been alerting me to your work. I am absent-minded, but you've posted enough that I should have seen something. I'm glad to have checked your profile because I found this beautiful poem about Timpanogos, a mountain that I have climbed a couple of times, and admired from afar so often...I may have told you that I lived in Utah for almost 20 years, and I remember that you live in Alpine (right?)
This poem had my attention from start to finish. I did hear various legends years ago, when I lived in the area, but I think I like your version best. The mountain is unbelievably beautiful...fitting for a legend :))
Carol


 Comment Written 29-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
    Hi Carol,
    Thank you for the shiny six stars. I do love this mountain. I see it every morning and continue to think it is a beautiful sight. I've climbed to the top a few times too. It is a wonderful place. Thank you for saying you like my version of the legends and that it kept your attention. It is long. I appreciate you stopping by to read and review.
    Debi

reply by ciliverde on 31-Jan-2017
    You're most welcome. I loved living in Utah, and enjoy being reminded of the place I called home for so long.
Comment by
BeasPeas
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This is a very nicely written story poem of the myth of the mountain. Legends of places like this always enchant. Your poem is interesting and well written. I enjoyed reading it. Much luck in the contest. Marilyn


 Comment Written 26-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 26-Jan-2017
    Hi Marilyn. Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy tale and for the kind comments. I am pleased you enjoyed it.
Comment by
Maureen Sky
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Wow, this is splendid! Love the way you spun the poem and the story. I know nothing of this Indian tribe and their people, but I found myself drawn in and wanting to learn more. I could visualize the Indian maiden so lovely and pure.

Good job and good luck!


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
    Thank you, Maureen. I appreciate the kind comments. I am pleased you enjoyed the poem.
Comment by
flylikeaneagle
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flylikeaneagle - Nancy Ann Gee
 
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  Rank:  298
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Amazing lloooooonnng tail of love and grace. The bear harmed the brave and then she knew. Their love overcame to the end. I like your tale of the story legend. Your rhymes are wonderful and keep the beat going. Emerald Lake is formed and people can enjoy the scenery. Remember...lives matter and people are brave! flylikeaneagle


 Comment Written 15-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
    Yes, it is long, but that was the challenge of the contest. I even had four lines to spare. LOL. Thank you for the gorgeous and generous six star rating. I appreciate your analysis and your encouraging comments about the meaning.
Comment by
WalkerMan
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Your chosen combination of the Mount Timpanogos legends is as good as any of them and better than most. Your a b c b d b rhyme scheme in twenty-six sextets works nicely throughout as you develop the story. Well done.

Just one typo in Stanza 15, line 1: You meant "lightning" (electrical discharge), not "lightening" (becoming lighter). Spellcheckers do not catch this.


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
    Thank you for the analysis of the structure of the poem and your encouraging comments. I appreciate you pointing out the typo. No one else has and somehow I missed it. It certainly changes the meaning.

reply by WalkerMan on 17-Jan-2017
    You are welcome. I like your version and the accompanying notes explaining how the other versions differ. Regarding the typo, I added a note to my comment about it to acknowledge that you fixed it. To earn my doctorate forty six years ago, I had to become an expert on the structure of the English language, including grammar, punctuation, spelling, and word usage. That is why I catch what others miss. But I am a poor typist and do not always catch my own mistakes. Accordingly, for my literary art book (First Edition, 2015; Second Edition soon this year), I turn the text over to a friend who is a professional proofreader, telling her to be her pickiest. Then we have fun over what she questions. If I agree, I change it. If not, I give her a professional explanation as to why. After she spent a week on the First Edition (via email), I would have proposed to her had she not shortly before already married someone else. I sent her a free signed and numbered copy of the book instead. She told me she loves it. When the Second Edition is in print, my friends here will receive a discount code by PM. You will be included. -- Mike

reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
    I am honored. Thank you!

reply by WalkerMan on 18-Jan-2017
    You are welcome. I know where to send it. :)) -- Mike
Comment by
sunnilicious
 
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Great story in a poem. You really thought this through. It is well thought out and nicely written. Good flow of rhythm and rhymes. Nice visual imagery. Romantic and spiritual. Creative. Descriptive. Wonderful work. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
    Thank you for your great comments and well wishes. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment by
Kassa-Leigh
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
WOW! I would give this seven stars, if I could! This was a beautiful tale of love and tragedy, and your poem sharing it, was well written and very well thought out. I enjoyed it very much. I live in Canada, but now, I want to go see this mountain! God bless you in all you do, my friend. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.
Cheryl-Lynette


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
    H Cheryl-Lynette,
    Thank you for the amazing review and offer of seven stars. I don't think anyone has offered me seven before. I am grateful. I am happy you enjoyed the poem. I hope you can visit Mount Timpanogos someday and see it for yourself.
Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  181
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
An excellent entry for this interesting contest. Your poem does a great job of combining factual and mythical components relating to the mountain and weaving them into a story of love and tragedy.

Although there is no fixed meter here, the regular abcbdb rhyme and consistent line length give your stanzas a solid structure. The language is conversational in the main, rather than intensely poetic, but that serves the purpose of the narrative.

Just as a footnote, you don't reveal the fate of Utahna's tribe - was her willingness to sacrifice herself enough to break the drought?

Good luck in the contest.

Steve


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
    Thank you for the six star rating and the comments about the writing. I appreciate the good luck wishes.
    As to your footnote: None of the legends I've read say what happened to the tribe, but I'm going to say 'yes' her sacrifice was enough and the members of the tribe lived happily ever after. Someone had to.
Comment by
Pantygynt
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  Rank:  10
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
In selecting stanzas of six, ten-syllable lines in syllabic rather than metered rhythm you, very sensibly in my opinion, moved the form of this saga of a poem about as far away from Longfellow's Hiawatha as it is possible to get in a tale of native American legends.

As you explain in your excellent notes the story you tell here is culled from a variety of legends that have grown up around the mountain Timpanogos. Where a plethora of legends ave grown up around a physical feature it is a difficult task to create a single cohesive story that nonetheless draws on all of them. I think you have risen to this task magnificently here, and any injection that is purely of your own imagining is seamlessly applied.

Full marks too for remaining true to your selected form throughout. This is undoubtedly worthy of a six star grading but, it being a Saturday evening, I have none to offer. I can only wish you well in the contest. This deserves to do very well indeed.


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
    Thank you for this insightful review. I tried both iambic and trochiac meter and didn't like the effect of either. Glad I didn't go with trochiac--that would have been very Hiawatha now that you mention it. Whew!

    I appreciate the virtual six and the high praise. You have made my day!

reply by Pantygynt on 22-Jan-2017
    Most poets who write in trochaic meter actually write in catalectic trochaic , that is to say leaving out the final unstressed syllable and ending more comforeally on the stressed. They do this specifically to avoid that Hiawatha feeling.

reply by the author on 22-Jan-2017
    I've done that myself
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