Hard-Boiled Times
layiing it straight
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Deadline: Oct 30th

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Deadline: Oct 31st

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Reviews from
The Balance Sheet


Lost and found love

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
Ms. Snyder
 
Poet Rating
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Dear Spiritual Echo,
I finally found a story that not only moved me and was something I have been looking for on this forum since I started; but I now know exactly why it won the contest! I absolutely cracked up about the moment when the character looks down at her hands when told the horse is 14 hands. The timing, the humor it all is very pristine. I think that they way you write is something that I aspire to be able to do down the road. I love the fact that the perspective was from a female driven character. Also that sex was a part of this and done tastefully. I also like the thoughts from the character were presented and when they were interjected. I look forward to finding more of your writing down the line. I apologize I do not have the deserved 6 stars left to give, but this is a virtual six for sure! Cheers, Fonda


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018
    What a boce nightcap to receive before I hit the sack. Thank you very much for the kind words.

    I don't contribute often any longer, but if you go into my portfolio you'll fuind several hundred stories I've written over the years. I will have to look this up as the story you've reviewed was written some time ago,

    Writing improves with practice. Just pound then out, let your imagination soar and don't br afraid to fail/ I've got a few duds in my portfolio, but who cares? Right?
Comment by
Mame
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Great story I was held captive wondering about the outcome and what was to happen next. Well written with carefully chosen words but the story itself takes precedence- lived the ending!


 Comment Written 11-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 11-Apr-2017
    I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for the stars. There are not enough love stories written about older folks.
Comment by
DALLAS01
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
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Review Stars
  Rank:  603
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This sent chills up my spine. What a beautifully crafted piece. So typical, women with their balance sheets, always referring to them in times of doubt, when their self-esteem is ebbing. The ending was pitch perfect, nothing less than expected.


 Comment Written 24-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Alice. Haven't been very active here, but nice win for me---whoopee--cash!

reply by DALLAS01 on 25-Feb-2017
    I haven't been either. My book and all revisions is finally finished. Should be available on Amazon March or April. It was a two year process fot just 86 85 pages. I spent a lot of time in the past. So glad it is done.
Comment by
w.j.debi
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  141
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  21
Review Stars
  Rank:  209
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is such a well written and balanced story. No wonder you won the contest. Excellent narrative voice. The first line does its job by hooking the reader and raising questions that need to be answered. Excellent development of the characters, especially the POV character as she works through her hopes, angst, fears and joys. You create a distinct sense of place and time that somehow changes as time passes, yet becomes timeless. Wonderful happy ending, just the thing for Valentine's Day. Congratulations.


 Comment Written 23-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
    Thankyou for the stars and your very kind words. Love stories are timeless, yet most don't acknowledge the devotion and advancing years. I'm still impressed when I see old couples holding hands. Though, my husband once said that we held (gone) hands because if we ever let go, we'd kill each other. Thanks again.

reply by w.j.debi on 23-Feb-2017
    Sounds like you had a wonderful relationship.

reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
    Parts of it were excellent, but like life, not always.
Comment by
Loren (7)
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I was completely lost in the soliloquy (at least that's what I'm calling it) as it seemed to speak more to the soul of the writer and the reader (me) was but eavesdropping. It was that kind of story that makes one retrospective of how we decide which side of the ledger we write our debits and credits; and, come to realize that at times it is just that a decision ... a choice. Great writing. PS, I could be all wrong about that soliloquy bit, but it just struck me that way :) Loren


 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
    When I begin to write SOME stories, it seems as if my buddy, 'Jake', takes over the narrative. Jake is indeed a guide into the soul and he hi-jacks my story and breathes life into characters that demand to be heard. I think you'll understand what I mean. There was no formula and when I began, I only had a general idea where I was going before Jake arrived. Nor the Jake in the story is only the namesake of the original. He insists on adding his signature. Thanks for the stars.

reply by Loren (7) on 22-Feb-2017
    I do understand. At times I feel as if I'm but a scribe writing down what another is telling me. So many times those stories are those that seem to resonate with the souls of others. Thanks for the reply :) Loren
Comment by
RazorFace
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellently written and very romantic. The story flows nicely. I didn't catch why he had left you. Old age turns memories into sweet wine for the soul. It was a very excellent story. Congratulations.


 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
    It wasn't really explained except in one sentence that read something like this. Time allowed to discard what went wrong, and keep the good memories on my balance sheet. Thanks for the read.

reply by RazorFace on 22-Feb-2017
Comment by
Contests
 
 

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.


 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 22-Feb-2017
    Love those seven stars. Thanks to the committee for the honour and support.
Comment by
TheWriteTeach
Fanstory
Recognized Writer
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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Review Stars
  Rank:  546
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This piece is fantastic, Ingrid! You had me so wrapped up in this story that I couldn't read it fast enough to find out what happened next. You made me care about Ava and Jake. I felt what Ava felt - I wasn't reading the story, I was IN the story. You handled their love making scene absolutely perfect. You gave the reader just enough to know what was happening, but not so much as to cheapen the story. I never expected the ending. When it was Jake that sent her that rose, I cried. I don't mean I got a little teary, I cried. I don't need to get into the mechanics of it all - transitions, action, dialogue, etc. They were all excellent.

I noticed two things.

"Are we together" (Need a question mark at the end.)

take me home and make love to me."
"
I do believe (You have an extra set of quotation marks floating around having a fun time. :o))

This piece is excellent. It was a pleasure to read something so well written. Good luck in the contest. This will hold its own and be a contender, for sure.

Suzanne


 Comment Written 19-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 19-Jan-2017
    Thank you very much for the stars, the tears and kind words. Spag located and corrected.
Comment by
Cumbrianlass
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I'm in tears, FFS!

Love it, love it, love it. A few things, easy fixes:

circulate - s/b circulates or circulated

I didn't ask you what you do for a living, I asked you what you LIKE to do." - suggest losing the first and third 'you'. Not necessary.

You know what I really want, Jake? - missing opening quote and if you look at the bottom of this same paragraph, you'll see it sitting there all alone. :)

Has to be a winner or at least on the podium.



 Comment Written 18-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 18-Jan-2017
    I ALWAYS know when Jake comes to visit. Thanks for stars and tears.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  74
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  171
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  40
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow, this is very, very good. Such a lovely story where Miss Ava goes down memory lane and remember her love of her life. I liked it very much, and wish you good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 17-Jan-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jan-2017
    There are not enough love stories written about older people, Thanks very much.
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