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Reviews from
Sally & Poe


A writer's story turned against her.

  39 total reviews 
Comment by
estory
Premier Author
north carolina
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  146
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  50
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  108
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I thought this idea of the writer's story coming to life was original and imaginative, so I gave it six stars. It was quite interesting, and you told the story with lots of vivid images, great descriptions of the thing in the mist, with its strange powers, and the violence as it attacks her. Nice vivid horror and suspense writing. it has a happy ending, which I don't know if the purists would want, i'm not sure if i'm altogether satisfied with it. Some part of us wants this to stay dark. but it is your story. Nice job with this estory


 Comment Written 15-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
    Thank you for the great review, and the six stars! I'm glad you liked this story. I get what you're saying about a horror story needs to stay dark. I guess it did have a happy ending, but I just couldn't kill off the dog - I'm a sucker for dogs. Maybe Sally should have died. But, to be honest, I never even considered killing her off, because I'm toying with the idea of bringing these two back for other visits, facing different problems. Thank you for all the nice things you said about this piece. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this.
    Suzanne

reply by estory on 15-Feb-2017
    Well, I look forward to more in the series then. Just don't give in to the temptation to over do it. the premise is very original, and it works very well. try to come up with another one estory
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A very good entry in the horror writing contest. I entered one and di not do well. I hope you do better. I'm sure you will. People will like your post.


 Comment Written 15-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
    Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked this piece. I didn't know you wrote horror stories. I'll have to check it out. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this. Thank you for the good wishes in the contest.

    Suzanne
Comment by
Tpa
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  88
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  160
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A terrific story. Every paragraph had enriched your story by your vivid descriptions. A brilliant concept in writing a story within a story. Your work was superb and extremely entertaining.


 Comment Written 15-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 15-Feb-2017
    Wow, thank you for this super review, and for the six stars, too! I'm so glad you liked this piece. I had fun putting it together. You pushed my self-esteem up a few notches by telling me that my work was superb! Thank you for that! You've given me encouragement to start on another piece. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this.
    Suzanne
Comment by
marthastruber
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A very interesting story. I am glad that Sally was able to make it back to the study to change the story, and also glad that the dog was ok. At first I thought that Poe was a Beagle (my friend has a Beagle named Poe and a black cat named Raven) but when the dog helped her up, I realized that he must be more like a German Shepard or a Lab. Thanks for sharing, it was fun to read.


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thank you for the great review, and for the six stars! Another reviewer mentioned about the breed of the dog. I couldn't make up my mind as to what kind it should be, so I opted not to mention it. Hindsight tells me I should have figured out the breed! I'm glad you liked the story. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this piece.
    Suzanne
Comment by
emptypage
 
Review Stars
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I cannot tell you how happy I was to find that Poe was alive.

And apparently I'm not the only person who feels sometimes as if s/he is just a character in a book or movie, being manipulated by a writer unseen.

Nice work putting it on paper.

Sally's revision is not terribly believable, in my mind. You wrote the bulk of the story with my suspension of disbelief a willful act. The revision felt like a different story. You might consider revising that? Maybe not. Just a suggestion.


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thank you for the review. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this piece.
    Suzanne
Comment by
Heidi M
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Really great job building suspense with the door and Poe as Sally was attempting to write her story. I loved the clever way you prompted writers to be more descriptive. Nice job!


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thanks for the review, Heidi. I'm glad you mentioned the door. Good to know that it helped build suspense. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this piece.

    Suzanne
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 4 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  187
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  184
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Nice job with this little metaphysical piece. Good tension throughout, although Sally's writing leaves a lot to be desired lol

Perhaps a mention of the breed of the dog?

jagged bolts of excruciating white lightening. - lightning?

Sally's dizziness ebbed and receded - these mean basically the same thing.

Sally cringed when she realized her vague writing required so many adjectives to describe the thing.- very good... funny!

All the best
GMG


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thank you for this great review. Yes, Sally's writing certainly does leave a lot to be desired! That's what got her into trouble. Funny you should mention the breed of dog. I couldn't make up my mind what kind he should be, so I just left it go! Guess I should have stuck with it and figured it out. Can't believe 'lightening' got through - good catch, thanks. Always need extra eyes. Ebbed and receded - yep, they're the same thing. Again, good catch. With all these reviews, I can't believe no one else caught these goofs. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this. I'll fix those errors - unfortunately this is already before the judging committee . . .

    Suzanne
Comment by
Smokes Widow
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I know why, but the ending moved so much faster than the beginning. The feel and pulse of the writing grips me when reading it up til the part where she wakes up and heads to fix the story. I enjoyed the story very much.
Poe and Sally; great characters. I have a dog, I love how she places herself between me and perceived danger. The comfort I get from her presence and the distress I shared with Sally at the dog being injured and thrown and her being unable to rescue it. That helplessness was more potent for me than the physical danger she was in, just like I think it would be if it happened. I think it was a stroke of brilliance to tap into that empathetic concern for her companion. Its what happens when a parent is in danger but their child is too, selflessness in order to protect.
Her confusion was good. I loved the enigma of the creature, the description of its smell and fluid shapelessness.
Of course, the moral bout writers wiggles and jars that deep seated fear we all have within us. That "what if?" gene.
Nicely done. I admire a smart character who figures things out and knew that addressing the obvious would kill her, and addressing the unseen world first was the right choice.
Respect the darkness for it has watched a thousand years of fear and grown strong.
Well done!


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thank you for this wonderful review. I like the six stars, too! I am so glad you liked this piece. I'm a dog lover, so I had to have a dog in this. You'll give me a big head saying things like 'it was a stroke of brilliance!' That shot my self-esteem up at least five points! I know what you are talking about when you say you admire a smart character who figures things out. I don't care for a weak character who can't think for themselves and makes stupid moves. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this piece.
    Suzanne
Comment by
dmt1967
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  442
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  171
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  82
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  136
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
'The dog whimpered and broke her concentration. Almost inaudible, a small sigh made its way through Sally's lips. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked down at him, stretched out, on his overstuffed pillow. He picked up his ears and looked in the direction of the door. Sally (glanced at the opening.) There was nothing there. I would write (followed his gaze)

Great story. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thank you the review, and the six stars! I like your suggestion about 'followed his gaze.' I looked at that part a couple times, but couldn't think of anything that worked. It really is true that we are too close to our own work. Sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious! I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this piece. Thank you for the good wished in the contest.

    Suzanne
Comment by
2012 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Realist101
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  437
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  147
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  336
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Lol! Yes, I hope mine doesn't happen to anyone, that's for sure...I really enjoyed this masterful post and could find no spags. Of course, I'm not great at the technical stuff, but do enjoy great writing! Nice work and best in the contest too. Susan


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 14-Feb-2017
    Thank you, Susan for the great review. I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. I had fun writing it. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment on this. Thank you for the good wishes in the contest.
    Suzanne
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