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Reviews from
of sonnets


Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Arise, Liberty and Democracy"

collection of poetry

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
Grasshopper2
 
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I have to relate this sonnet, the flow and rhyme and insight not benign to the political revolt in my country. What the world does not understand is that the wall will be built. The material to build the wall is free and on hand. When Trump was called as the winner of the Presidential race, 60,000,000 liberals s@#t a brick! Well, done, Lady Haley, well done. I enjoyed reading you.

Blessings,
Michael


 Comment Written 21-Feb-2017


Comment by
2021 Novelist of the Year
Pantygynt
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  Rank:  2
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  Rank:  14
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I feel the ghost of Wordsworth devilling away beneat the this sonnet redolent of the romantic age in style. This is cleverly done and you have captured the style of an earlier age while still being bang up to date politically. While the is no mention of the latest leader of the western world the inference is clear not only in the heartfelt plea in the final couplet.

Definitely sixworthy.


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Yes between you and me I utterly loathe him and my intention is to undermine him in every way I can. hHe is a disaster the world really doesn't need right now. I cannot fathom American thinking! I thought Donald was a big joke until he is not....

reply by Pantygynt on 20-Feb-2017
    He is unbelievable.
Comment by
Mrs Happy Poet
 
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Yes you have accomplished this form well expressing your thoughts strongly yes the world is in troubled times and we do certainly need to pray that we come through the other side and those in power begin to listen to everybody well done regards Jill


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Thanks, Jill.
    I usually avoid political stuff but I am so demoralised at the moment, poetry is all I can do from New Zealand, with no vote!!!
Comment by
marybell1
 
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I enjoyed reading your sonnet which was a deep poem thoughtfully written. It was correct in rhyme and meter. Well written.
Congratulations.
Marybell1.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Thank you so much!

reply by marybell1 on 19-Feb-2017
    You are most welcome.
    Marybell1.
Comment by
rama devi
 
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 Rank:  291
 
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Wow~! This is powerful and timely. Seems a commentary on our times, and a penetrating one! I love it. It's well crafted, eloquent and well rhymed. I lvoe your vhoice to use an olde English tone adn falvor with word and prhasing choices. It appeals to the ideals that came before the 'progress was raped'. I love the closing note of hope...for a return to grace.

This stanza is the reason for the six...the personification of democracy and iberty is not only innovative but also brilliantly portrayed:


Democracy, in bonds of sudden shame,
has dimmed the lamp she so long held to heart.
And Liberty, reduced to naught but name,
erects her walls, thus wills good men apart.

outstanding imagery too. Just note one unwanted space after the word DIMMED.

A few minor optional suggestions for your consideration:

*Use BY instead of WITH, maybe, and a dash instead of comma after pen:

the damage done with single stroke of pen,
the death of justice, law and parity,

the damage done by single stroke of pen--
the death of justice, law and parity,

*
So thrice they wind the ancient clocks of time(,)
With tocs and tics, to darker days of yore,

(or remove the comma after tics and use none--a pair or none works best)

Most potent lines:

Now Salem, Babel, Nazi bells all chime
for progress raped - then sundered till no more.

Superb consonance of S in this perfect closing couplet:


Arise, sweet twins, reverse this cursed fate:
return to grace - then pray you're not too late.


Excellent alliteration of D as well.

Sorry, no sixes left.

Good luck. A strong contender. this is so good, I will have my mom read it (she has refined taste...)

Blessings,
rd


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
    Thanks, Rama, what a wonderful review! I have been very sporadic on the site lately, but just had to write this!
    So disheartened with where the world is trending...
    BTW thanks for your response re my literature prize. No editing is required as the editorial team (amazingly thorough) have done substantial work with me, and yes, it is amazing what one misses when one looks at the same thing day after day oneself! The anthology will be published November, announcement late March so very exciting. No, they were just looking for review of some kind, but I will just contact local media or they will find people in the industry. It is just I know what an excellent reviewer you are, so you popped into my mind! Thanks once again and have a lovely day,
    Hayley

reply by rama devi on 18-Feb-2017
    Hi dear Hayley. I am glad to hear you have an editorial team. indeed, getting as many eyes as you can on your work is optimal, especially because you may be too close to it to see it the same. Thanks for thinki9ng of me. I'd love to write a review for you but would charge for the time it takes to read a whole book (it's my livelihood to edit, proof and read books for clients...and I spend much energy in that arena so don't have the focus to offer that service freely to friends anymore...because my energies are engaged in multiple platforms at present and also taking care of my mom. But I wish you all success! The world needs such voices of depth, insight and authenticity to counteract the craziness going on~ Warm Smiles, rd
Comment by
Cindy Warren
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  Rank:  95
 
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Yes, I think the world is in trouble. There are certain leaders who need to be stopped before they can do anything too crazy. I can't imagine what they're thinking. Check your spelling of 'political' in your introduction line. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Thanks Cindy, I corrected political - horrible typo - and am glad you agree. Gosh, the political climate of the world has turned sour so fast my mind is boggling!!! Thanks for the read.
Comment by
Sixty70
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Well crafted sonnet with a simply gorgeous mouth sound! The second stanza especially blew me away. The message is so true. We all need to be praying that it's not too late. Scary times!

Good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Thanks Sixty70 for another truly awesome review. I am very grateful for such lavish praise and appreciation. It makes my day!!
Comment by
DR DIP
 
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Wow Hayley that is SO well written I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and I love your interpretation of the world events around this subject both current and past. Thanks for sharing

dip



 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Thanks, Dip. I HATE what is happening in the US. I think bigotry is thriving and unkindness seems to be at a presidential level.
    (No to mention stupidity and meanness.) Poetry is my only weapon but I will use it!!!
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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  Rank:  28
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 Rank:  5
 

#5 Ranked Reviewer
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Abuse of democracy, a calling for coming back to grace for the right; I liked this sonnet has allegorical masterly use, sestet in opening the cause and octave in with resolution and the conclusion is amalgamating; I enjoyed the view read of a political philosophy in practice.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Thanks very much Alcreator Litt Dear (Interesting pseudonym!)
    I am so glad you appreciated this bothe for the literary content and for the political message. You make me feel I have achieved what I se out to do, and for that I thank you!
Comment by
winnona
 
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A well written contest entry. I think you have dne very well completing the challenge of the contest. The words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2017



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2017
    Hi Winnona,
    Thank you very much. :)
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